The Cave - Part Two - Chapter II, Dance Lessons

by JuliasSneezer

Published September 29, 2016

E - Everyone

In The Cave

     They the next three hours running around the yard, climbing trees, and even attempting to do pull-ups on the branches, with little success. Julia constantly transitioned between taking deep breaths, and holding them as she tried desperately to pull herself above the branch that she was assigned to. Her arms felt like putty, but she kept on with the struggle.

      “Why is it,” Curtis asked, leaning against the tree while the four hung off of the branches. “That Oliver is the only one who is able to do this?”

     Curtis didn’t see, but Lee cast him a dark look and tried further to pull her chin over the branch. She only got the tip of her nose over it.

     “I work on a farm with my mother.” Oliver answered between grunts. “We have cows, pigs, and chickens, not to mention crops. We do it all on our own.”

     Curtis frowned. “But what about your father? What is he handling?"

     Julia felt a pang of pity for Oliver, though she immediately pushed it away. She knew that he wouldn’t want it, and that he would hate the fact that she pitied him. She averted her gaze from Oliver and tried to pull her chin over the branch. She tried desperately to tune out what he was saying. Nonetheless, she heard it all.

     Oliver grunted as he pulled himself above his branch. “He ran out when I was eight. Don’t know where he is, and I don’t want him back.” He hung down from the branch and made steely eye contact with Curtis. “We’re doing just fine on our own.”

     “I understand.” Curtis said, picking up a fallen apple off the ground.

     Oliver dropped to the ground and leaned against the tree while he caught breath. He was still in his clothing from yesterday, and Julia could hardly imagine how hot he was. The front of his shirt was soaked with sweat. Oliver smiled, though Julia could tell it was fake. “Man. I’m just about ready to finish.”

     “Well excuse me, superman, but it isn’t a cake party for us, either.” Luke snapped grumpily, trying in vain to pull himself up. “I’m built for binge-watching anime, not pull-ups.”

     Lee smirked to Luke as she touched her chin to the branch with suppressed triumph. “I don’t know, it’s kind of a cake party over here.”

     “Julia shares my pain,” Luke looked over to Julia. “Right?”

     Julia nodded, not finding the strength to speak.

     Curtis drew something small out of a pocket in his breeches. It looked like an hourglass hung on a thin chain. There were thin marks on it right next to random symbols that Julia didn’t know. “You have about half an hour until your fitting. I recommend you get back up to the castle and wash yourselves. Come back tomorrow in the morning.”

     Lee swung herself off the branch and landed gracefully on her feet. She wiped beads of sweat off her forehead. “Got it.”

     Julia dropped. She nearly fell, but she recovered. “I feel like my legs are made of warm taffy.”

     Luke unclenched his hands and fell onto his hind end. “Agh!”

     “You’re about as graceful as an elephant on roller skates.” Lee decided, helping him up.

     “Well Hun, you ain’t no ballet dancer.” Luke countered.

     Julia waved goodbye to Curtis as the four started back toward the castle. “You guys are so rude.”

     “Maybe not,” Lee said, ignoring Julia. “But you’re a ballerina,”

     Luke rolled his eyes. “They’re not called ballerinas; they’re called ballet dancers.”

     “Whatever you say, Twinkle-toes.” Lee sent him a sardonic smile. “Twinkle-toes. Rolls of the tongue, doesn’t it?”

     The two continued the ridiculous banter through the walk. Julia and Oliver continuously traded exasperated looks. You would think that you would get used to Lee and Luke’s fights, but they got more and more annoying. Especially as they aged, when they had a plethora of new insults, rather than things like: “Meany”.

     When they finally got to the inside of the castle, Celeste was there waiting for them. “Finally. We were worried you’d never get here.”

     “It was Curtis’s fault!” Luke complained. “He made us do pull-ups.”

     “Same with our sword master when I first found this place,” Celeste told him. “But we always made it in time for our baths.”

     Luke shrugged it off, already bored with the conversation. “So will we be attending any formal balls or anything, what with all this fancy décor?”

     Celeste shook her head and frowned. “No. Times are too desperate now to have time for parties.”

     “Dang.” Luke said. “I can waltz like no-one’s business.”

     “Can you, now?”

     “Yup,”

     “Twinkle-toes has been dancing since he could crawl.” Lee stepped up. “I’ve watched him at it, though he falls on his face most of the time.”

     “Do not,”

     “Do too,”

     “Do not,”

     “Do too,”

     “Do not,”

     “Do too,”

     “We’ll waltz. Right here, right now.”

     “Do- wait, what?”

     Luke stepped up and did a steep bow. He held out his arm. “May I have the honor?”

     “Not on your life.” Lee wrinkled her nose and hid behind Julia. It didn’t work, as Lee was at least a head taller than her.

     “Hey, don’t bring me into this,” Julia protested, side stepping with a laugh.

     Luke hopped over next to Lee, and did some weird crouch dance move. “I’m coming for you,”

     “No!” Lee shouted through laughs. She ran behind Oliver. “Oliver, save me!” She sniffed. “Ew, you stink.” Oliver pushed Lee towards Luke.

     Luke circled Lee, doing some sort of weird flapping movement with his arms.

     “The heck are you doing?” She asked.

     “Dancing.”

     “I don’t know what you think that is, but it’s not dancing. You look like you have a weird tick or something.”

     Celeste laughed from up front. “There are times that I worry about your sanity.”

     “Whose?” Oliver asked interestedly.

     “All of the above.” Celeste answered amusedly, turning and walking once again down the corridor.

 Hello, all! I have some friendly banter, because... Luke. Yeah. Anyhow, Review, like it, enjoy it! Thanks for reading!

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
tigeraye
Review
tigeraye wrote a review Review · Oct 15, 2016

I like the dialogue here, for the most part I find it authentic and easy to follow. I like how you include a small amount of detail to make each line seem more realistic. And even though I haven't read any other chapters yet, I can tell each character apart easily through your clever use of differentiating emotions. The one character whose dialogue I didn't like was actually Celeste...the way she talked seem odd, almost overly formal. She's strangely serious compared to the others, but at the same time, not so much. It was her dialogue that took me out of the story a bit. I find Lee a bit dis-likable because of her rudeness. The others didn't seem to do anything to be warranted a name like "twinkle-toes" that she seems to think is so clever, when it really isn't. I don't know, she seems to be the kind of person I really can't stand...

I think your story could benefit from some more location detail. The characters are described as walking to a castle, but it's just described as "a walk". How long was this walk? Weren't they tired from exercising? If so, how begrudging was it to make it? What about the actual castle, what is that like? Even if they've been to this castle before, I think you could still include a bit of detail to make it more complete, though obviously you don't have to go overboard.

But overall I like the character work here a lot. Keep on keeping on

Thank you for the interview! Celeste is a bit more fun-loving. However, now that I look back, I can see that I didn't really make that clear. In addition, I can see what you mean by how I made Lee seem much more rude than she actually is. So I SUPER appreciate your feedback on my characters! I'll make sure to implement your advice when I edit. Thanks for the review! :D

XxPheonixKittenxX wrote a review Review · Oct 6, 2016

Hello! It's Kitten here for a review!
So first off,
{and that he would hate the fact that she pitied him.}
You really do not need to have "the fact that" you can always just say "and that he would hate that she pitied him"
(It makes it easier on the reader)
"The front of his shirt was soaked with sweat."
How about instead off "was soaked", use "had been soaked" it'll sound cleaner.
"Luke unclenched his hands and fell onto his hind end. “Agh!”
You need to add a space in the word "onto", because "on to" its two separate words.
",rather than things like: “Meany”.
Instead of "rather than" use "and not"

Other than those simple,easy to fix mistakes, you did a fabulous job! Good work!
Hope you have a wonderful day!
~Kitten

Thank you much, Kitten! I'll make sure to implement your suggestions once I get into the editing stage. Thank you for the review!



Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I've ever known.
— Chuck Palahniuk