Julia’s heart sunk in her chest. She tried to see what had become of Oliver, but she couldn’t see through the bat wings. She swatted them with her hands. Somehow, it seemed to help. The other bats, seeing their roommates being beaten, flew further away into the cave.
Lee and Luke had quit screaming, but Julia was still shouting. There were three bats tangled in her hair. Their wings were desperately flapping, and one of them was a whole five inches above Julia’s head, though there was a thick strand of hair caught in its foot. The other two had their wings captured.
Luke ran over, and not apparently knowing what to do, he swatted the bats out of Julia’s hair. The one flying highest was the first to go, and he followed his friends. The second was a little more difficult to move, but Luke eventually got it out. The third was still. Luke sighed, and carefully untangled Julia’s hair out of its mouth. Once it was untangled, Luke picked it up and rested it on the cave floor.
Julia bolted toward where Oliver landed. The body was laying spread eagle on the ground. Its left leg was bent at a gross angle from the knee down. Julia dropped next to its shoulder. The face was as white as a sheet.
Luke sat down next to it, and he sniffed. Lee stood next to Luke, and rested a hand on his shoulder.
Julia used her upper arm to wipe her eyes. “What are we supposed to tell his mom?”
Lee shook her head. A fat tear dripped off her chin. “I don’t know. It’s our fault he’s like this.”
“He doesn’t look right this way.” Luke muttered, quickly rolling Oliver's leg to look normal again.
Oliver hissed in pain.
Luke jumped back. “Holy –!”
Julia grinned. “Oliver, you’re okay!”
“Mostly,” Oliver looked down at his leg. “I think I may need a splint.”
Julia looked to Lee for help, but she had stood and was yelling swear words. Julia wasn’t sure if it was from surprise, or exhilaration. Perhaps both. “How do we do that?” Julia asked.
“Luke,” Oliver ordered. “Bring your walking stick. Julia, please hold my leg in place. Luke, once it’s in the appropriate position, hold the stick to the leg. Lee,”
Lee stopped yelling, and turned to Oliver. “Yeah?”
“This part will be a little loud, but I want someone to take off my jacket and use it to secure the walking stick to my leg.”
Julia pulled her sweatshirt over her head. “Will this work?”
Oliver shook his head. “No, I want you to use mine.”
“Absolutely not.” Julia protested.
Apparently, Oliver decided to drop the subject. “Are we ready?” Everyone nodded solemnly. “Okay, go.” Oliver ordered.
Julia tried to gently correct Oliver’s leg. Oliver released a gut wrenching cry. The scream echoed off the ceiling of the cave, making it seem so much louder. Julia winced, but she kept moving Oliver's leg. Once it got to the normal point, she gently held it in place, and nodded to Luke.
Luke held the walking stick to the left side of Oliver’s leg. “Lee, wrap the sweatshirt around him!” Oliver bit his lip, and silenced.
Lee moved forward. “Julia, lift up Oliver’s leg a little.”
Oliver released a grunt, though it was sharp and short before he came into control again.
Lee quickly wrapped the sweatshirt around Oliver’s leg, and tied it tightly. She slid the bottom of the stick inside Oliver’s cowboy boot for extra support, then she stepped back. “Done.”
“Help me up.” Oliver groaned.
Julia stepped back as she was the weakest, letting Luke and Lee position themselves under his arms to help.
Oliver dusted himself off, and looked down at the splint. “Good job, guys.”
Lee pursed her lips at the crude splint. “I don’t know. It looks like it couldn’t even fix a bird leg.”
“No,” Oliver protested. “It should work until we get back home.”
“Hey, speaking of back home, where is that?” Luke asked, trying to straighten a little from underneath Oliver.
Lee glanced around the dark cave. “We’re lost.” She realized.
Julia felt a sinking feeling in her chest. She too glanced along the cave. She could hardly see anything through the darkness. She walked to her right to the nearest wall, and moved with her hands against it for any holes or passages. Her hands dragged across a new surface. It was rough, but it definitely wasn’t rock. She squinted at it. It was a precious stone, barely peeking out from dark moss. It was green! Julia could recollect fuzzy memories on reading about precious minerals, and all that she could recall was that emeralds were never this close to the surface. Driven by curiosity, she ripped the moss off of the stone.
Julia brushed a few stray pieces of moss off of the stone after she tore off the last bit. Julia looked back at Lee, who was having a heated argument with Oliver about having lost their way. This birthday sure stunk, Julia thought regretfully. Perhaps this emerald would help fix it a little. She tried the pull it out of the rock, but that didn’t work. She tore up her fingernails trying to unearth it. She hit her fist against it in frustration.
She gave a sharp cry, but it was drowned out by the harsh sound of grinding stone echoing through the chamber. In front of Julia, a section of stone slid to the side, revealing a narrow passage only just tall enough for the average man to squeeze past.
“Julia!” Oliver shouted, hobbling over. “What happened?”
“Are you okay?” Luke asked.
Julia turned back around toward the passage. “I have no idea. We should go through there.”
“Excuse me?” Oliver furrowed his brow.
“We should go through there. We can’t find the way we came through, right? So really the only thing to do is go through there.” Julia explained.
Lee shifted her weight from underneath Oliver. “I agree. There’s no other way out of this, may as well take the new way,”
Oliver nodded his head. “Okay. But if it separates into different paths, we turn right around.”
“Agreed.” Luke said.
“Oliver, I’m going to need your key chain.” Julia added, holding out her hand. Lee pulled the key chain out of Oliver’s pocket, and threw it to Julia. Julia caught it, and flashed it around the inside of the passage. It was empty, thankfully there were no bats.
Lee and Luke awkwardly turned to the side trying to carry Oliver down the passage. They walked for what felt like forever, until Julia stopped.
“What’s up, ‘Lia?” Luke asked from the back of the line.
“There’s a… door.” Julia answered.
Luke craned his neck trying to see around the others, but he couldn’t even catch a glimpse of the door. “Who what when where how why huh?”
Lee turned around, annoyed. “It’s a door Luke, you know what that is, right?”
Julia jiggled the door knob, but it wouldn’t even turn. “Okay,” she turned to the others. “Does anyone here have any idea how to pick a lock?”
“Take Oliver, please.” Lee squeezed past Julia, who hooked Oliver’s arm around her shoulders to support him.
Lee plucked a bobby pin out of her bun, sending half of her hair toppling down her back. She jammed the pin into the lock and shook it around. She pulled out the pin and threw it onto the ground. “The lock’s too old. I think it’s rusted.”
“Lee, kick the door near the lock as hard as you can.” Oliver instructed.
Lee looked a little confused, but she stepped forward. She kicked the door with her right leg and the door swung open. Lee shouted out, and examined her ankle. “That hurts!” She groaned.
“Are you okay?” Julia asked. She didn’t hear Oliver or Luke say anything, so she shuffled around and glared. “Guys, Lee just got hur – Sweet mercy!”
Julia couldn’t even find it in herself to finish her sentence. She was stunned by what lay before her.
***
Short chapter, I know, but I try for those cliffhangers. Any grammatical advise, any advise in general, please comment! Comment, like it, share it! Thanks for the reads!
-Cupcakes
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Hi Cupcakes! Mage here to do the promised review! So let's get to the review, shall we?
Like I said last chapter, I love your writing style. It's both advanced and descriptive. You also seem to have done your fair bit of medical research. I applaud you for doing so!
The advice from last chapter still stands, so I'll try to point out different problems with your writing.
Earlier, you referred to another bat as "it". You should stick to a single pronoun, so pick whichever one you like the best.
The comma after "Lee" should be a period. Also, I love how Oliver is the injured one but he's taking charge. I think he's my favorite character at this point in the story. <3
Now for the parts I liked, or just my reaction to different events in this chapter!
I was originally going to comment that they should have checked his pulse before declaring him to be dead, but then I read the twist. You really had me tricked there, Cupcakes! Well, I guess now I know what it was like with Soul in Desert Island RP.
I should have guessed something like that was going to happen. Now I'm really curious to find out what's lurking there!
Keep up the spectacular work - which I doubt you'll have trouble with - and good luck on your writing endeavors! Have a great day/night!
Thank you so much! I'm glad you like Oliver, he's one of my favorites too. I'll make sure to apply your advice. Thank you for the review!
You're welcome! I'm glad I could help!
BRUH! This chapter name . . . MISLEADING!!
Alright, not for the actual review.
I liked this chapter a ton! These kids have common sense! A thing that doesn't show up in thriller-esk stuff all the time, which is amazing. Everything was going pretty normally, they got lost, someone's hurt . . . then BAM secret door! Which was pretty great, I like that there's more to this story now, it's starting to shift into an adventure.
All in all, I liked this chapter and now I'm going to go see what on the other side of that door in chapter 3!
Actually, *Pauses for dramatic effect* IT'S ALREADY BEEN POSTED! WHAAAAAT?!
Hey, this is really interesting!
Grammatical Etc. errors:
So here you should probably say him instead of its. The entire paragraph you do this. Referring to a person's body as it seems harsh. Just a thought
Characters: There wasn't a lot of character development in this chapter, but you had enough in the last to mainly just not here.
Descriptions: Your descriptions are ok, but not very specific. Try adding a little more detail into the ones that you already have and then add a few others. Again I want to know what does the air feel like? Do they hear anything? Like when Lee opened the door did it make a bang or creak.
Plot: The plot is continuing to play out at a good pace so just keep doing what you are.
Overall great job I really enjoyed this chapter and can't wait for the next.
Good Luck and Keep Writing
Sláinte -Junel
That I shall! I got caught up in the whole: "Make them think he's actually dead!" Thing. XD
Thank you so much! I'm actually blushing over here! I usually update on Fridays after two, but I mix it up occasionally. Thanks for the read!
I loved this! Dude it was awesome! I love cliffhangers and usually I'm not able to get good ones often, but I am glad I stumbled upon this beauty here! It was perfectly done, there was no super, super dramatic but enough to catch me and hook me all the way to the end. The end was darn perfect for this chapter. I love it! I already have like ten questions and possibilities for what they saw. I need more! Please update me on when you get the next one up. I want to find out! You're nailing the cliffhangers btw