The Heart's Tale

wisemann210 wrote:
I need one,
One true love
To guide my way
My way through love.
A love so great
It confuses the heart.
A heart that loves
Is a heart that falls.
Many have tried;
Many have failed,
So before you love
Remember just this,
True love is bliss


Over all, I don't understand what your trying to say, but I understand the frame of mind you had when you wrote this. This poem gives off a lonely undertone, but with a spark of hope, so that's nice. There are a few things that kindof make it yucky, though: it doesn't have any ryhme or reason, which is ok in poetry, but you have a bunch of different rhythms all smushed together. Ex: the first two lines have that continuation deal "...one, One..." and "...my way, My way..." which is ok, but I don't think you really captured the idea with these lines. The next four lines are ok, but then you rhyme at the end. It's just not balanced. Also, it's very contradictory, and I'm not sure if that's what you were going for? Lines 7-14 are two completley different ideas. "A heart that loves is a heart that falls?" vs. "True love is bliss" ? I'm not sure I'm getting the picture. First you say these things that make a person want to shy away from love, and then you go and say "So before you love, remember this..." and then you give that true love is bliss line. It doensn't make sense, unless your using sarcasm (which generally isn't a good idea in writing because unless you make it really obvious everyone will think your serious).

Anyways, I hope this helps.

thank you everyone for reviewing my peice and i'm glad some of you like it i will fix all of the grammer mistakes later
punctuation isn't my strongest suit but i think if you can write well then punctuation comes second to writing well but what am i saying good writing is punctuation too.

Ok, so before I review this peice I must say that I do like your work. It is catching and interesting but there are a few things that I noticed. Those things were only puncuation, because the way you have it, the poem seems like a run-on sentence.

I added in puncuation marks to breakup the poem in a few ways. They are in bold.

wisemann210 wrote:I need one,
One true love
To guide my way
My way through love.
A love so great
It confuses the heart.
A heart that loves
Is a heart that falls.
Many have tried;
Many have failed,
So before you love
Remember just this,
True love is bliss

Your poem is good. Its a bit short for the subject of poem, and maybe not colorful, or descriptive enough, but I like it. It has a main idea, the lines all flow nicely, and it's a decent bit of poetry. Oh and I liked the repeat of the word "one" in the begining.
"I need one
One true love"
To me it sounds very....well I'm not sure, but for some odd reason I like it. Overall its a good poem, you just need a bit more detail.

This was an okay poem....You need a little bit more emotion and descriptions in this poem. It doesn't really catch a person's eye. Make it more interesting. I like the shortness, though. Just try to make it more interesting....

Keep writing.

becca

Well, I gotta be honest...it seems kind of bland. When I say that, I mean that it doesn't really have a beating heart. And what I mean by that is that the piece just seems really colorless. No real imagery, no real tone, just nothing.

I'm not saying that it's a bad piece. It just needs a bit more of a driving point. Think about taking what emotions you really have about the subject, and let them run rampant. Let those emotions speak for you, instead of just stating what's obvious.

Otherwise, as far as poetry goes, it was decent. Just remember what I said, and you'll be able to improve this piece and make it even better than it is already.