Where you've gone,
I don't know.
Gone by dawn,
By sunset brings sorrow.
The freedom we had,
Turned into slavery.
Now an invisible clad,
makes pain everyday for me.
To rewind time,
Even if time permitted.
Would be a crime,
Against my heart hidden.
Hidden heart,
Or just heart hidden.
I'll do my part,
And say, "Good riddance."
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Canary word: Present
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139,467 Literary Works • 672,571 Reviews
Thanks emily
*donates 10 points*
---Jon---
This poem is good, and is a good idea for a poem, but it needs a little work.. The rhymes are really off, try making the last three letters in one word the same. and "Hidden" and "Riddance" dont really rhyme.. you should try to replace those words with somethng else... This poem will be great once you revise it.. Sorry for being a little harsh.. Hope i helped!
*Emily*
Thanks Mackenzie
*Reviews some of your poetry*
*Donates 10 points too*
Thanks
---Jon---
Hello there wisemann210,
I am sick so I'm sorry if this isn't as good of a review as you'd like.
I found this poem really moving it seems like a letting go kind of thing :] For doing this while you were sick it's really good and i have to give you props for that.
This was my favorite part, it was a great ending. You could capitalize the g in good riddance. I love the line "Hidden heart, or just heart hidden." It makes the reader think and it flows with the poem
Well any-who I'm so happy i took my time to read this good luck on future pieces.
With all due respect,
Mackenzie
I don't want to bump this but i need/wan at least one review please?
I will review your poetry too.
---Jon---