Hi there, Trees!
Since you took the time to review my work, I decided to stop in and take a look at yours.
I love the images. They're beautiful, meshing together and creating a cohesive picture.
I wonder what this is about, though. There are so many images that the idea has become obscured. I generally use images to support the main idea, but here you've let the images overrun it. What I'm getting from it is that someone is angry, but wrong, having taken other's work or success or honey, and still wants more. I don't know if I'm on the right track.
My suggestion is to work on the clarity of the message. Your imagery is beautiful, but poems can't be just a collection of lyrical words.
I'm not feeling the word "textured" here. It's too vague. What texture is it?Down your textured chin.
I also would like to address your format and punctuation. I think the first two lines should be combined because it wouldn't create such a strange mental pause.
Don't use "just" in the fifth line-- "just" minimizes things that don't need to be minimized.
I don't understand the second to last line very well. Perhaps clarify it a bit?
You need more punctuation at the ends of your lines, too. Here's how I would format/ grammarize it (if that's even a word):
"You were in it for ink and honey
Licked off of other people's fingers:
Secondhand sweetness
With a hint of oozing anger
Down your textured chin.
It's no wonder that I sometimes find
Bee corpses in the snow,
Their finger-like appendages
Curled around the dark belly of warmth
Where a borrowed ember once burned."
Anyway, I really enjoyed reading this. Happy writing!
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