Daughter,
I am sorry,
But panthers get hungry, you know.
When that mistress of death went insane,
The nighttime of her pelt called down stargods
Who made a home in her mouth.
They filled her with a ravenous thirst,
And showed her a vision.
Stretched out before her sharpened emerald eyes lay a vast, sparkling desert.
Pale tongues of sand took bites out of the breeze,
Shifting, restless dunes slithered in on themselves,
Devouring shadows for lack of water.
Daughter,
I am sorry,
But when panthers lose their minds,
Necks will snap like rotten branches,
Not to make pain, but to water the world.
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140,560 Literary Works • 673,435 Reviews
I'm not the type of person to like fantasy, but holy cow. I think you did a very good job. My favorite line is:
"Daughter,
I am sorry,
But panthers get hungry, you know."
I don't know why but for some reason that really spoke to me. I like hidden meanings in things, and I really think that there is a hidden meaning in this poem.
I believe that you did a very good job. Keep on writing.
This was definitely very interesting and unusual. But I liked it. It was very descriptive. I definitely had some vivid pictures in my head. I thought that was executed well. I loved the ending. It was descriptive, worded well, and showed good characterization. I thought that the length of the poem was a perfect length. You left me with just enough to be satisfied, not too much or too little.
I loved: pale tongues of sand & sharpened emerald eyes (that was just awesome)
I don't have anything to criticize.
Keep on writing!
Dragonrider
MooCowPoop here for a very quick review!
Wow, this is a very vivid poem. The way the mother is described while being angry is so ... scary, for one thing. It's also very appealing.
I like the imagery in it. I could really picture it in my head because you described it all so well. It's like this mother has some sort of alter ego. The imagery also makes the poem very intense.
Llike I said, it seems like this mother has an alter ego. The tone is so... switchy. She switches from apologizing to talking about how she can't help herself. I feel very bad for this mother in a way.
that's all I got. Good poem!