Feathers cut deep.
You wouldn’t know it by the gentle edges,
The tiny fingers grasp each other and sway
With your every breath,
Straining towards a lost thing.
It’s because they’re attracted to blood.
Why else would they stick in your throat,
Making a laceration bright like a blue jay?
And their work is so quick,
Your eyes are tortured and you ask me how they did it?
Once I asked the same question myself but it’s happened so many times,
I’ve found my answer.
If you catch them in the light, they trick you
Into brushing your lips with the softness,
And that’s when they sink in.
Barbed tendrils grasp the edges,
And iridescent in the sun they cut
And cut deeper and deeper
Until you can’t pull them out.
So you live with the feathers.
Golden finch between your teeth,
Indigo bunting coating your tongue,
Cedar waxwing digging into the raw flesh
Where your tonsils used to be,
It’s all the same through the taste of blood.
You wouldn’t know it by the look of them,
But they hurt.
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139,797 Literary Works • 672,771 Reviews
First thing i liked about this poem is that you didn't rhyme. There were other things i really liked about this poem.
"Your eyes are tortured and you ask me how they did it?
Once I asked the same question myself but it’s happened so many times,
I’ve found my answer."
I like that you said this. Anyone can describe the damage, but the if the reader knows the that in whatever's being written that it's been experienced, then to me, it gives the author an advatage.
"If you catch them in the light, they trick you
Into brushing your lips with the softness,
And that’s when they sink in."
This is how they get their hooks in. How they draw you in.
"Barbed tendrils grasp the edges,
And iridescent in the sun they cut
And cut deeper and deeper
Until you can’t pull them out."
They've got thier hooks in and they're not letting go. Damage is being done and it cant be stopped.
"Golden finch between your teeth,
Indigo bunting coating your tongue,
Cedar waxwing digging into the raw flesh"
I like the way you describe how the feathers are doing damage, the way they do it.
"It’s all the same through the taste of blood.
You wouldn’t know it by the look of them,
But they hurt."
I didn't really know what to make of the first sentence, but then the way that i read it you just stated the obvious.
Over all i really like this poem and the way you went into to detail on what the feathers were doing and how they did it. I didn't find anything wrong with it.Keep writing and i hope to read more of your work.
Hello Janika! Thanks so much for bothering to review this, I'm really flattered that you didn't think anything was wrong with it. This is probably the first time that's ever happened.
If you ever need a review, or just an opinion feel free to message me!
You're welcome and now that you mention it, i could use your help. i posted a poem, but it didn't come out the way i wanted it to. How did you get your poem come out like that? My poem's all together like a paragraph. Can you help me?