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Young Writers Society



Mutts - Moon

by GryphonFledgling


A/N: The "Mutts" stories do not have to be read in any particular order. They are all just set in the same world and circle around the same large-scale event, but focus on different characters and situations.

8/17/08

045 – Moon

A thousand years ago, the Mutts did not have to live in fear and hiding. They were a proud people and strong. All feared them and loved them. God looked down on them from Heaven, from his throne on the moon, and he smiled on them.

But one day, the moon was dark and God could not see as the humans grew strong and overthrew the Mutts. When the moon became bright again, God was sad to see that his favorites, the Mutts, had been reduced to little more than prey for the humans to hunt. But the humans were strong and the Mutts forgot about God in their fear. So God became angry and turned his back on the Mutts and left them to their misery.

Time passed and the Mutts remained in their suffering. They old ones remembered God and they turned their cries to his throne on the moon, but they didn’t truly believe, so their voices did not reach Heaven.

However, their motions, if not their faith, inspired a young Mutt named Kit. Kit was a strong male and his belief in God was as strong as his body. He was song of the Mutts’

Leader, Seri, and all the Mutts looked forward to the day when Kit would take over for his father and lead the Mutts into an age of prosperity and peace. Kit’s father did not believe in God, so when Kit told him that he wanted to go on a journey to Heaven, Seri laughed. He thought Kit was joking.

Kit persisted. When Seri realized that Kit was in earnest, he grew angry. He asked if Kit meant to abandon him and the Mutts, just when they needed a strong leader? But Kit pleaded and reasoned with his father and finally Seri came to see Kit’s side and gave his son his blessing.

Kit wrapped up three cakes of the moon festival, made of flour from the fungi in the caves that the Mutts hid in. They were bitter and hard, but when it eaten with the spicy stew of the moon festival, they had been a holy food to the Mutts. Kit packed these as an offering to God when he reached the throne on the moon. He put them into a cloth pack, along with a canteen of water and three dried lizards for food, laid it on his shoulder and waited for the moon to rise.

When night came and the moon shone bright and full, Kit bowed in reverence to God and began his journey. He travelled for five days, eating the lizards and drinking the water in his canteen, but leaving the moon cakes untouched. He travelled five more days and his food and water ran out. Five more days he journeyed until finally he was about to expire from hunger, so he ate a crumb from one of the moon cakes. The small morsel inflamed his appetite and so, like a beast, unknowing and uncaring about their holiness, he devoured two of the cakes. But when he came to the third cake, his hunger had slaked enough that he remembered who he was and what the cakes were for. Horrified at what he had done, he bowed and prayed for forgiveness, then carefully wrapped the single cake and replaced it in his pack.

Five more days passed before Kit, weary with hunger and footsore, reached the gates of Heaven at the top of the tallest mountain. The moon hung above the mountain and God sat in his throne on the moon’s surface. He looked down at Kit and Kit cowered and covered his face.

“You have travelled far,” God said.

“Yes, my Lord, I have. I have brought you a gift and I beg a question.”

Kit reached into his bag, careful to avert his eyes from God’s face, and held out the last moon cake. God regarded the cake.

“Why have you brought me only one cake? Did you not set out with three?”

Kit was ashamed and with a bowed head, he told God of his hunger and how he had eaten the other two cakes. God was angry and berated Kit for his foolishness.

“I know your question already,” God said to Kit. “You wish to ask for the liberation of your people. This is my answer to you: because you acted unholy and ate the two holy cakes like a beast, you and your people shall undergo a period of punishment. The humans shall continue to torment you and hunt you like beasts, for like a beast you acted.”

Kit bowed low in shame, but God had not finished speaking.

“But, because you showed great faith in travelling all the way to Heaven, and because you remembered the holiness of the last cake, I will make you this promise: your people shall be freed. You, Kit, will not live to see this freedom, for you were the one who acted unholy, but in a time long in coming, the Mutts will be a proud race, free of torment and fear.

God blessed Kit and allowed him to return to his people. He delivered God’s promises of punishment and at first, the Mutts were angry and sad. They cursed Kit for his foolishness and blamed him for their troubles. But then he told them of the promise for redemption and those who had been angry were soothed and all the Mutts’ eyes were opened in faith to God. They prayed and sang and feasted in order to make themselves strong for the coming period of tribulation. But always they had hope.


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Tue Aug 18, 2020 4:43 am
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.

First Impression: So...another one departure from your general style of writing. I suppose a little experimentation does no harm. The story here is definitely sounds like something straight out folklore but that's not a bad thing at all. I just have to revaluate how I look at things an in the lens of fairy tale this is quite well done. Its smooth, it gives you a bit of a moral. Its pretty good.

Anyway let's get right to it,

A thousand years ago, the Mutts did not have to live in fear and hiding. They were a proud people and strong. All feared them and loved them. God looked down on them from Heaven, from his throne on the moon, and he smiled on them.


We interrupt this sci fi story to bring you.....a fairy tale.

But one day, the moon was dark and God could not see as the humans grew strong and overthrew the Mutts. When the moon became bright again, God was sad to see that his favorites, the Mutts, had been reduced to little more than prey for the humans to hunt. But the humans were strong and the Mutts forgot about God in their fear. So God became angry and turned his back on the Mutts and left them to their misery.


Some classic fairy tale style narration detected.

Leader, Seri, and all the Mutts looked forward to the day when Kit would take over for his father and lead the Mutts into an age of prosperity and peace. Kit’s father did not believe in God, so when Kit told him that he wanted to go on a journey to Heaven, Seri laughed. He thought Kit was joking.


Okayy...we are definitely the very fairy tale like theme here.

Kit wrapped up three cakes of the moon festival, made of flour from the fungi in the caves that the Mutts hid in. They were bitter and hard, but when it eaten with the spicy stew of the moon festival, they had been a holy food to the Mutts. Kit packed these as an offering to God when he reached the throne on the moon. He put them into a cloth pack, along with a canteen of water and three dried lizards for food, laid it on his shoulder and waited for the moon to rise.


Nice description although its the not the most appetizing of foods you have there.

“Why have you brought me only one cake? Did you not set out with three?”


Uh oh. Somebody's been caught red handed.

God blessed Kit and allowed him to return to his people. He delivered God’s promises of punishment and at first, the Mutts were angry and sad. They cursed Kit for his foolishness and blamed him for their troubles. But then he told them of the promise for redemption and those who had been angry were soothed and all the Mutts’ eyes were opened in faith to God. They prayed and sang and feasted in order to make themselves strong for the coming period of tribulation. But always they had hope.


And a fairly tale style ending to this whole affair.

Aaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: This was a fun little story to read. This would do great as a bedtime story I think (I'm just saying). The whole thing gave of that sort of vibe and in that sense there really wasn't anything that I could point out here so that's about all I will be saying.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Sun Oct 19, 2008 11:06 pm



You made a new one *coughfinallycough*!


Hehe, 't has been a while, no? School's just been crazy, that's all. I've been writing them, just not getting the time to put them online.

I"m sorry for my not-very-helpful "suggestions".

:D I have plenty of these moments myself. You point it out, but then don't have a suggested remedy. No prob. I appreciate just the pointing out of it.


Wow, a tad...harsh. But God was like that in Genesis too, so...*prepares to get pounced on* Sigh.


Yay! Someone picked up on Old Testament influences! I sort of looked to the Old Testament (especially Genesis) for the style and whatnot of this piece.

Very different from what your previous "Mutts" stories, and very different from most science fiction overall. Is this intended to represent an aspect of the Mutts' mythology?


Muchas gracias. And yes, this is supposed to be the Mutts' version of their history.

Thanks so much for the review!




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Sun Oct 19, 2008 7:11 pm
Bickazer wrote a review...



Cool! You made a new one *coughfinallycough*! Er, ignore the last part. Work at your own pace, you know...

Here comes a review filled with tiny nitpicks. Sorry. >_>

A thousand years ago, the Mutts did not have to live in fear and hiding.


This sentence feels kind of jarring because it lacks parallel structure. I'm thinking "hide and live in fear" would work better...I understand you're using "hiding" as a noun but it's just not...working...and argh. I can't explain myself. >_> But yeah...

But one day, the moon was dark and God could not see as the humans grew strong and overthrew the Mutts.


The "as the humans grew strong" part just feels awkward. It'd probably be better as "God could not see the humans grow strong and overthrow the Mutts". Well, that doesn't have quite the same effect, but as it is now the sentence tastes awkward in my mouth.

He was song of the Mutts’
Leader, Seri


I think you mean "son". :)

Kit persisted. When Seri realized that Kit was in earnest,


Perhaps remove the "in"?

He asked if Kit meant to abandon him and the Mutts, just when they needed a strong leader?


I'm thinking the sentence should end with a period instead of an question mark; I get that he's asking a question but as you don't outright state the question in dialogue, there doesn't need to be a question mark...or...something.

They were bitter and hard, but when it eaten with the spicy stew of the moon festival, they had been a holy food to the Mutts.


"They were bitter and hard, but were a holy food to the Mutts when eaten with the spicy stew of the moon festival"? I don't know...that sentence doesn't work right either. >_> I"m sorry for my not-very-helpful "suggestions".

You definitely don't need the "had been" there, though.

But when he came to the third cake, his hunger had slaked enough that he remembered who he was and what the cakes were for.


"Slaked" isn't the right verb there; it implies more quenching your thirst. How about "his hunger had died down enough"?

BTW, I like how you're drawing common mythological elements into this story (i.e. temptation and so on). I like the mythological feel overall of the story. But more on that will wait until the overall impressions.

God regarded the cake.


I know you're trying for an archaic, mythological feel here but this doesn't quite work. It feels almost trite. I'm sure there's a better verb to use here...I just can't think of one. Fat load of help I'm being. >_>

“I know your question already,” God said to Kit. “You wish to ask for the liberation of your people. This is my answer to you: because you acted unholy and ate the two holy cakes like a beast, you and your people shall undergo a period of punishment. The humans shall continue to torment you and hunt you like beasts, for like a beast you acted.”


Wow, a tad...harsh. But God was like that in Genesis too, so...*prepares to get pounced on* Sigh.

"But, because you showed great faith in travelling all the way to Heaven


"However", not "but".

Wow...I loved this story. I loved the whole mythological, archaic feel to it--it was just so timeless. Everything--the people in suffering, who turned their backs on their god(s); the hero; the hero's journey; the temptation; the meeting the deity; the promise of deliverance from sorrow...all of these are standard elements of myth and you employed them very successfully to create a haunting, almost lyrically written story that nonetheless pertained to your larger universe. Very different from what your previous "Mutts" stories, and very different from most science fiction overall. Is this intended to represent an aspect of the Mutts' mythology? Because in that case, my love for you has tripled. No, quadrupled. I'm loving how your stories aren't just descriptions of events that happen in your universe, but in some cases even are presented as works within the universe--like the newspaper article, and now this. Nicely done. [mutters] finally another science fiction author I've met who cares more about the socio-political aspects of a future world as opposed to the technology [/mutters]

I eagerly await your next "Mutts" story, and bravo for this one.




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Sun Oct 19, 2008 6:59 pm



Yeah, I sort of realized after posting that this comes across as more of a fantasy piece than sci-fi, but the series of stories it part of is definitely sci-fi.

I think I'm going to keep it here, because to have one in fantasy while the rest are in sci-fi while they are all part of a series would be a tad confusing, methinks. Though I am welcome to suggestions on the subject.




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Sun Oct 19, 2008 5:51 pm
spike71294 says...



wow that was cool
very interesting
like a professional peice
but am not sure its science fiction more like fantasy
but damn cool
cant wait to read the other stories.





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