Just as a note to new readers: You do not have to read these stories in order. They are all related in theme, but they are all about different characters. The idea is that after they are all read, an overreaching story will be realized. But they are in no particular chronological order. They are just numbered according to what order I wrote them.
These were written based on a challenge on LiveJournal where 100 one-word prompts are given and the writer has to produce 100 short fics (in whatever time frame they want) that are all related. It is a fun experience and I highly recommend it. It was my personal alternative to NaNoWriMo, since I don't do well under extreme pressure...
PM me if you are interested in the LiveJournal challenge...
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12/19/07
057 – Lunch
Katie Parker looked out the window of her office building and sighed. Another protest. Were they ever going to stop?
This time it was about the police. The government had decided that human officers were not sufficient and so they had released a line of artificial intelligence androids, called AI’s by the humans. The people immediately started protesting. They claimed that the last time the government tried to release non-human forces – the Mutts – the results had been murders.
Katie shook her head and stared at her blank computer screen. She was supposed to be writing an article about the new AI’s for the editorial page of the local paper, but she was drawing a blank.
Leaning back in her chair, she picked up her sandwich. It was a turkey sub with cheese, lettuce and tomato from Subway. A little heavy on the mayonnaise, but not too bad. As she took a bite and chewed thoughtfully, her co-worker Anna came into Katie’s cubicle with a handful of papers. When she say the sub in Katie’s hand, she slammed down the papers and snatched the sandwich, letting out a shriek in the process.
“What the…” Katie’s hand followed the sub.
“You can’t eat this! Don’t you know about the salmonella outbreak from that Subway in Maryland?”
Katie looked at Anna incredulously.
“We’re in New York, honey. I don’t think it’s going to travel all the way up here,” she said, reaching for the sandwich. Anna held it out of reach.
“Seriously, Anna, give it back.”
Katie leaned forward in her chair and snatched it from Anna’s hand. The woman huffed indignantly.
“Fine. I don’t want to hear about it when you’re dying.”
Then she stormed out. Katie smiled a little. Anna may have been a busy-body, but she was a good friend.
Katie took another bite of her sandwich and glared at her computer screen. Suddenly she was struck with inspiration. She laid the sub back in its paper, wiped her hand with a napkin and began to type.
“If you made one mistake, wouldn’t you want a second chance? Would you give someone else a second chance?”
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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137,525 Literary Works • 672,040 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Well this one definitely appears to be taking place in a somewhat connected although entirely different sitting. I'm starting to realize this Mutt situation is what connects all of this (
I know I am stupid and I should have figured that out form the title). This one is another pretty smooth flowing scene that sounds like a pretty neat sounding extract from a book.Anyway let's get right to it,
Do I see the future being predicted here? Maybe.
Hmm...this is a much better way to open that is certainly a lot more attention grabby that the previous couple of titles were and that's really good. Also AI's doing bad things...somewhat cliche but okay.
And no you have successfully made me hungry. Great description there.
This line made me laugh far more than it should have.
That does sound like a half decent opening line for an article.
Aaand that's it for this one.
Overall: So overall this was another pretty nice scene. The dialogue was a lot shorter in this one but the few lines that we did get seemed relatively realistic. It seemed to lack a bit of garnishing so to speak with some common pleasantries and the like but then in this context those aren't terribly necessary. Besides that it was another well paced story with believable characters.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I'll start off by saying that I was amused to see the term "Subway" used to to refer to a long sandwich as a while ago my mum was telling me that while she was out for a bite, the man told her that it was called a "Subway sandwich" not "Submarine sandwich" as she had mistakenly asked for!
This piece was short, but I assume you may have done that on purpose making it have some relevancy to your overall theme but not play a huge part.
It may help make this piece of dialogue seem more natural to remove the the first comma,
“Seriously Anna, give it back.” Mainly because "seriously" itself is somewhat stressed when you pronouce it, just a pointer,
Sincerely
-Elitehusky
This story piqued my interest. It was written really well and gave me a quick and easy glance into the world of the Mutt stories. I think I'll start reading the others as well so I can find out what this is all about.