Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
And I think this is like the eight or so Mutts story that I am reading. I've read a ton of these and most of them have been really good. So if case you do somehow happen to read this...GOOD JOB!
First Impression: This is yet another really nice addition to the Mutts collection. I really do think I will be reading all of these eventually once I have acquired a certain goal. So this is yet another different tone that you have picked for this story a little different from most of the other Mutts pieces and you've done this quite well too. You capture the essence of a quick TV news broadcast really well and adding in the little quirks from the studio is a really nice touch to see in there.
Anyway let's get right to it,
“Okay people, we are on in ten, nine, eight – “
The makeup artist darted in for one final brush of foundation across a shiny spot on Marcie’s nose, and then ducked beneath the desk, out of sight of the cameras as the countdown finished.
“Two, one,” John mouthed silently and gave Marcie the thumbs up. She smiled brightly as the camera swooped down to focus on her face.
Well that's a nice little place to start things off. Not exactly the most attention grabbing start but a generally decent way to start something off.
“Our breaking story all this week: the government’s reveal of a top secret weapon after it had already been released onto the battlefield. Though most details are yet to be released, many are already criticizing President Fairoaks for her decision to keep the technology’s existence hidden from the American public until after it had been implemented.”
That does sound like pretty realistic news reading there in terms of the language used at least.
“Marcie, I’m standing here in front of the White Hose, surrounded by protestors railing against the President’s decision. The President herself has yet to come out and make a statement. That is the purpose of this press conference, but as you can see,” here the camera swung away from Chuck’s face and instead focused on the hoards of people braving the rain and crowding against police barriers. “The people are already making their opinions heard.”
That last line about the press conference seems to be just a little awkward there like it doesn't really belong. it just sounds like an unnecessary add on. I think it has to do with the phrasing. If you chop the part that says "that is the purpose of this press conference" it will probably be better in my opinion.
Chuck appeared back on screen. His smile was turning into a wince as the shouting around him increased in volume. Someone in the background was leading a chant; indistinguishable over the microphones, but loud and rhythmic.
Well that is very true to real life.
“When we get back,” Marcie tried not to sound hurried, “What lawmakers are considering changing about your health insurance policy, and the amazing story of a daring rescue at sea by one brave fishing boat. And of course we’ll stay on top of the breaking story of the government’s secret weapon.”
Again that does sound pretty realistic although I do doubt that someone could say that much in 5 seconds without sounding rushed. Maybe twenty seconds at least would be a little more realistic.
“Very nice, Marcie,” John called from behind the camera. “But that shiny spot is still there.” He indicated her nose.
At this point I am assuming the camera is on a rig or something that is operated by this man or with it being up in the ceiling it gets just a bit confusing.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall it was yet another really nice piece to read. The flow was on point as always and the language I've already said was really good. Looking forward to reading more parts from this world. You've done some really good worldbuilding for this series of prompts.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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Reviews: 4131
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