Mutts - Thunder

In answer to the repeating characters: I've gone through and outlined all 100 fics, and the only characters that repeat are Howland and his assistant from number 4. But that may change, you know...

Thanks to everyone for their reviews and critiques!

~GryphonFledgling

Hey Gryph, guess who's back. (This one was slightly rougher, however, so I will have some edits. [In bold, of course])

GryphonFledgling wrote:For new readers:

You don't have to read this short pieces in order. In fact, they can be read in any order. Ahhh, I see. I just am not very original at titling. They were written as part of a 100 fic challenge where the author is given 100 one-word prompts and has to write 100 short pieces of fiction. Mine are all set in the same world and centered around the same happenings in general, but they are all about different characters and their own lives. The goal is, by the end, the reader will have a well-rounded insight in to the world and its happenings involving the Mutts.

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1/10/08

069 – Thunder

Peter lay belly-down on his dragon’s back, slowly stroking the leathery neck. It wouldn’t be too long now.

The bond between a handler and his charge was very deep. Everyone but the executives that ran the military knew that. To them, the dragon was a product, genetic merchandise, possibly not even alive. Someone said this already, but I have to agree, ditch the final phrase.

Peter knew better, of course. After two years, he and his dragon, affectionately known as Thunder, were close as possible. Soul mates even. Peter didn’t even have to signal usually. It was as if Thunder could read his thoughts. Eragon, anyone? There were times when Peter almost believed he could.

But Thunder had been in an accident. In a raid of a Mutt settlement, one of their escape tunnels collapsed as Thunder galloped over it. The dragon had fallen in, breaking both of his front legs and shattering most of his rib cage. Dragons were sturdy, but their hollow bones were not meant to withstand suddenly smashing into a hole. Again I agree... change this up. Thunder had tried to stop his fall, but instead he had twisted his legs into strange positions, making them even more vulnerable. I want to ask... did Thunder land on any Mutts?? Because if he did at least he died somewhat of a hero.

Now he was useless. I just watched Seabiscuit, and it that they talk about not putting down horses because even if they aren't good at something (in that case, racehorse, in this war dragon), but using them for something else. I'm not saying Thunder shouldn't die, rather that you change this sentence to something more like "Now he was useless for battle. Sorry about the long text. Dragons were like horses; constantly on their feet. Laying down too long could twist intestines. There was no choice but to put Thunder down. An enormous dose of anesthesia I kind of like the "enormous" right here... it helps sadden the phrase. would be injected and Thunder would die in his sleep. It was a peaceful way to go, Peter was glad of that, Maybe rephrase this "Peter was glad it would be peaceful, but it didn't..." or "Peter was glad it would be a peaceful way to go..." Hmm. I just had another thought. Do the same as I said before, but also change the word "glad", to something a bit more serious, since Peter's not glad the dragon is going to die. Maybe try "thankful"?? but it didn’t make it any easier for him to say good-bye.

Now he lay on Thunder, the dragon was shot through with pain-killers for now, savoring his heat of life for one last time before it would fade. Already he could see the vet approaching with the injection needle gun. A gun, eh? Cool.

Peter hugged Thunder’s neck, then slipped off. Thunder turned his head curiously towards the approaching veterinarian, but Peter caught the dragon’s jaw and covered his eyes, normally so bright but now clouded over with drugs, with his hands. Whoa! Change this wording. Confusing at first. I would just ditch the "with his hands." And maybe make the second to last phrase slightly less run-on?? I get it, but a little bit messy.

The needle went in silently, and Thunder settled down with a deep, hot sigh. Peter closed his charge’s eyes with his fingers, then walked away. He wanted to be crying, but the tears didn’t come. Instead, he walked silently to his tent and collapsed on his bed. Burying his face in the hard pillow, he screamed long and loud. Screamed... just seems kind of weird. Personal preference though, so it's your choice. His friend was gone. The executives wouldn’t understand. They would send him a new dragon to handle. He didn’t want a new dragon. All he wanted was Thunder back. Good ending.

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Thinking about it, I may go back eventually and retitle these pieces with the prompt in the title, rather than a number, which causes a bit of confusion. Sounds like a good idea...

Thanks for reading!

Hmmm...I'm reminded of Dragonriders of Pern.

How were the anesthetics administered? Surely a needle wouldn't penetrate the tough hide of a dragon!

I haven't read any of the other ones, so if you haven't done so already I would recommend doing multiple stories of each character. This wasn't really enough for me to get attatched to Thunder or Peter. What kind of relationship did they have? How long did they know each other? What other experiences did they have together?

I hope you can answer my questions with other stories!

Great Job!

Your last reviewer caught a lot of your mistakes, and im not going to make you feel like a loser by repeating them, so besides that here goes.

and his dragon,[no comma] affectionately known as Thunder, were close as possible. [change to a semi-colon so the next sentence isnt a fargment] [if you listen to me by making that period a semi, you'll also need to lowercase this 's'] Soul mates even.

Peter lay belly-down on his dragon’s back, slowly stroking the leathery neck. It wouldn’t be too long now

To them, the dragon was a product, genetic merchandise, possibly not even alive.

but their hollow bones were not meant to withstand suddenly smashing into a hole.

Now he was useless.

Now he lay on Thunder, the dragon was shot through with pain-killers for now, savoring his heat of life for one last time before it would fade.