Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Hmm this one was certainly set in a different type of scenario from the rest. This one unlike the others which were all horrible or all nice endings this one seems to be somewhere in between and a lot more sciency overall than the other ones were. So this is a fresh look at this universe that you've built and it was quite nice. You portrayed some pretty realistic emotions and overall did a really good job just like in the previous ones.
Anyway let's get right to it,
The AI unit lay still on the examination table. It was still and silent in sleep mode. All that remained functional were its ear microphones, waiting for the order to awaken. Alongside the table, two mechanics were scanning the numbers scrolling down a large display screen on the wall. The readouts of the AI’s computer. Every so often, there would be a tap of a stylus on a digital clipboard and the screen would beep as the image froze. One of the mechanics sighed. It turned into a yawn.
“I don’t care what Conner said. We’ve been at this for nearly three hours. Five minutes and I’m done.”
That is definitely far too long to be doing something for although I would probably have been stupid enough to continue for that long.
"Hold on. What’s that?”
“Nothing. It’s nothing. Let’s go.”
Why is he being vague here or as CinemaSins would say why are they playing the pronoun game? Seems like a situation where being very straightforward would be the best here.
The clipboard clattered as Tom picked it up and the computer began to beep frantically as he cycled through the readouts.
“What the hell is going on here? His voice was barely more than a whisper. “How could I not have seen this? Conner was right.”
“It’s been thinking.”
Well that certainly sounds quite ominous right there.
“All right.” Karen didn’t sound very enthusiastic. The clipboards rattled once more as they placed them on the table tops. The two mechanics left the room. The AI remained still on the table. The first self-aware computer.
Okay and then the word was destroyed.
Aaand that's it for this one.
Overall: So besides the slight use of the pronoun game there the rest of the dialogue here was pretty good. I can certainly see two real people talking like that. The overall flow of the story was also great and the whole thing was very well done. It was a pretty fun story to read and a departure from what I've seen is your usual style and the fact that it is still just as good speaks for in itself in how nice the writing is.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 254288
Reviews: 4103
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