one
i said your name
into the steady darkness
until my hands shook
and i saw ghosts
on the backs of my eyelids
one
i said your name
over and over
until it no longer
conjured up images of your face
or your breath, in steady waves
or your silhouette framed by moonlight
one
i said your name
until the vowels wasted away
and the consonants pushed against each other
fighting for breath
one
i said your name
until the syllables broke open
and spread apart
and ebbed off
until they were echoes in the void
one
i said your name
until i craved silence
one
i said
two
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
The way you say 'one' as a start of each of the paras was kind of odd in my opinion but still kind of catchy.I do not know how to say it but...clear and deep
that makes sense? I do not know.Well,with that I mean that your thoughts and your the things you want to explain us and make us,the readers,imagine are clear but the meaning of your words is still so emotional and deep.
Even if it is short I think it is full and long enough to express everything it needs to.
I do not like how you do not put the capital letters on their right places but maybe this is just the way you write because this is not the first time I am seeing it in work of yours.
With that put aside,good job.
Hi, Pen!
Okay, can I just say~ AMAZING POEM, YOU'RE AWESOME, AND I FRIGGIN' LOVE YOUR AVVIE~
You concept is very clear, but, as much as I love how much depth there is, and I think it's cool how you ddin't capitalize ANYTHING, I's are supposed to be uppercase- that's just how grammar is. I know, it sucks, but that's just the way it is!
Other than that, though, I think you did an unspeakably amazing job interpreting this person, how they feel, how you described what was going on. Your wording is also very intelligent, I might add.
GREAT job, Pen.
Waiting to see more from you!
~Shiny
Thank you for your feedback! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
You're welcome!
Hello, Uhm... I don't know where to start. This is an amazing poem. I love the metaphors and the imagery. The way that sorrow and darkness are reflecting through this poem is also fantastic! These are the kind of poems I would love to read every single day of my life. Please do keep up the good work. I hope this poem gets published someday.
Thanks so much! I appreciate it
That was nice.
I love how i felt the darkness, sadness, i felt like who ever u was trying to talk about was sad lonly and needed the light to shine over what wats going on in there life.
I believe i have seen the best poem ever in life, and i have seen some but this one i really was feeling what you was writing and how it was from theheart and not something that you put together. I think u are a good writer and that is really good.
Thanks very much for the review