Young Writers Society

Pretty,stunning and emotional as always!
Anyways,I love this work and the way you talk about someone being in relationship,loving the other but still they hurt each other and fear for their own future.
I like the way you start where the reader things of two people who hurt each other but still love each other which is relatable to every person who had been or still is in such kind of a relationship.It is really relatable while you are reading this.It goes on smoothly and even.All the paras and lines are connected and equal as length.
Overall I do not know what else to say.You had described one type of relationship everyone I think can understand.
Good job and keep on writing.

This is honestly such a sweet poem. Ive been in relationships like this, where there is a sort of disconnect but thats what makes it work. (Thats how I interpreted the poem, at least.)

I love the stanza beginning with "how could i?" Its so beautiful and just strikes me on such a personal level.

Just one little note--you might consider playing around a little with the formatting, especially the punctuation. There were a few little moments where it seemed to break the flow rather than contribute to it.

Thanks for posting this, it really resonated with me~

Hello I am here for a review!!
First, I just wanted to say how great this poem is! I really loved the word choice that you used and how you used it. Everything flowed together and the ending topped and wrapped it all up.

I hope you, too, feel as if
we go together
really, really well.

i don't have the words, or the guts to say them.
all i have are my hands, my fingernails, my lips-

This poem was amazing. It really shows how people think and how they second guess how much they mean to people. I love the line "assigning meaning to something which has none", it's really deep to me. It also sounds like it could be a song title too (haha cx). But this is a very sweet and sensitive poem, but I can't really tell if the two people in this poem are actually together or if they are just friends being closer than just friends. I say that because you say that both of their hearts are in this together, but then it says that they are scared to speak about how they love the other. I understand how people do not always trust what they see/feel on the surface so that clears a lot up.

Every line in this poem was well worded and executed, "tiny vessels" was just adorable.

P.s. If this is about you, I think you should show the other person this poem. It's really sweet.

P.P.S Sorry about the blank comment I just learned how to make these into reviews!

this poem is very good and like my poem love or lust betrayal or trust. please read it if you please. i like he way you narrated the whole poem comparing internal attributes of love to external ways to depict love. i like the polite feeble approach which shall lieave effective impact on the readers . it does not have any heartbreaking verses but have the glooy yet peaceful tone. and remember a man has manyb things except arms lips and eyes.

Hi there. I've never reviewed any poems before, so this will be a learning experience for me, heheh. I guess what I'll do is go through line by line, tell you my interpretation of the poem (x_x) and anything I might do different.

in the fading silver light of dusk,
we leave our marks on each other:
me, with my fingernails;
and you, with your teeth -

but deeper than that;
me with my heart,
and you with yours.

fearing, as i always have,
assigning meaning to something which has none;
i am quiet.
i don't tell you that your eyes thrill me
infinitely more than your hands do,
or that the way the shadows tuck themselves into your collarbones
leaves me breathless.

how could i?
i don't have the words, or the guts to say them.
all i have are my hands, my fingernails, my lips -
more than flesh and bone; tiny vessels
that together form my only means of conveyance -

but, fearing, as i always have,
assigning meaning to something which has none;
i will simply say this:

i hope you, too, feel as if
we go together
really, really well.

the shadows tuck themselves into your collarbones

Amazing, just amazing!!

Dear penprincess, this free verse poem of yours is magnificent! You truly have talent as a writer! I am very fond of your imagery, and how the girl's reaction and shyness seem so realistic. Realism in a poem such as this seems to add another dimension of meaning when done right, and you have most certainly accomplished that. I can't really find a lot wrong with this besides a few easily fixed punctuation and capitalization errors. Here they are: in the first sentence, "in" needs to be capitalized, "fearing" in the second stanza needs capitalization, all of the times you put "i" you need to capitalize it, in the fourth stanza "how?" and "all" need capitalizing, and in the last stanza, you need a comma between the two reallys. Sorry if I nitpicked a little, but again, you have almost no errors to correct. Please keep writing, for this was magnificent! ^\/^