untitled no. 4

Raindrop here again for a short review of this beautiful work of yours!
I will only correct several mistakes which are really nothing special to worry about.
I think you have everything else on point together with the idea of this poetry even if the short work has no yet still.






She didn't have a home,
so she lived inside a tent
made of words he never said to her,
and texts she never sent.

The walls were made of silken memories
woven into thread,
held up by lies she told herself(,)
as she lay awake in bed.

Until one day a storm blew through(,)
and tore her tent away -
and for the first time since he left her,
she saw the light of (the) day(.)

Her heart was filled with tenderness(,)
and she knew she was alone,
so she built herself a brand new house -
this one made of stone.


The poetry is so amazing now that I had fully read it! I think you should name this word 'She' or soemthing simple as that.I do not know I just think it needs to be tittle connected with her after all.Great job.

hey im here to write a short review

first off this poem is amazing and probably one of the best ive read

she didn't have a home,
so she lived inside a tent
made of words he never said to her,
and texts she never sent

her heart was filled with tenderness
and she knew she was alone,
so she built herself a brand new house -
this one made of stone

Hi Felistia here with a short review.

I really like this poem even though it is short. You capture the emotions very well and I love the way you used the tent as part of her getting over her boyfriend dumping her. It makes the poem more interesting. I have heard this type of story before, but I am willing to read it again if you add something to it and that is what you did. The rhyming is well placed and doesn't feel forced. The poem has a very nice flow and is nice to read. I have some suggestions for the title Silk Tent, House of Fabric, just as some suggestions. I personally prefer Silk Tent if you choose to use them. Well done and I hope to see more of you work. Have a great day\night.

Inspiring.

Heya~ I like the way you set up the story of the poem here! It's a story I've definitely lived before.

Down to the nitty gritty: I feel like this is a story I already know. It isn't bad, but it's something to be aware of.

I guess the main advice for future writing is to make sure to get out and experience things. I like to meditate at night before I go to sleep and sometimes I get my best ideas then or in the morning. Get to know how that works for you! Nothing has helped me more in writing than finding out how to listen to my ideas. So often little poetic thoughts and moments just pass us by without us having a chance to record them or even listening to them.

Just a few quick ideas on how to put yourself out there: find a new place to hang out after school (location permitting). Take a class in something you wouldn't have been interested in. Join a new club. Try to expand your vocabulary. Start learning a new language. If you have a crush, go for it! If you don't work out, start, and if you do, try something new.

Basically, make a conscious effort to seek out new experiences and stories. It will help your writing and (more importantly) it will help you become a better, more confident, more well-rounded person.

All of the above tips also work for story presentation, with one more addition: I think the best way to develop a style of writing is to read all kinds of poetry.

That got a little bit preachy and rambly, I'm sorry!

tl;dr: I like the structure of the poem but the story just seems a little familiar.