THIS WAS AWESOME!
I wrote this back in January as a response to "The Tyger" by William Blake. It's a pretty well-known poem, but if you aren't familiar with it, I'd recommend reading that first - it will help this poem make a lot more sense. (Here's a link.) The idea was to match Blake's meter and rhyme scheme, but there are probably a fair amount of flaws. Any feedback is enormously appreciated.
Poet! Poet! vex you not;
The tyger’s flames, bright and hot,
Were not lit by hands of God,
But by Nature, slow and flawed.
He by day a hunter goes;
By night, he rests in calm repose.
In his breast, mighty and strong,
Time is kept for Nature’s song.
And yet! his fate, too, is nigh;
With crimson blood, like you or I -
Though strong, he is not exempt
From Time’s great course - Life’s contempt.
His likeness, like a canyon, was
Carved with time, containing flaws -
Nature’s hand, though not faultless,
Is both masterly and cautious.
Thus, his majesty surpassing,
Though it be not everlasting --
His origin on him bestows
The beauty of a thing that grows.
Poet! Poet! vex you not;
The tyger’s flames, bright and hot,
Were not lit by hands of God,
But by Nature, slow and flawed.
I'm a fan of the original so thought I'd take a look at this!
Specifics
1. I like that God and flawed don't quite rhyme in stanza one, just like eye and symmetry!
2. It may be nice to make line two more active. Blake's poem is quite direct so maybe 'The tyger's flames which burn hot' or 'The tyger's flames burning hot'. I think that's my main advice for this - your poem is a slightly calmer/ more descriptive version while Blake's has a certain sense of wonder and trying to capture something uncapturable. I feel the response should be as heated and as in awe of this wonderful beast.
3.
This line has the right number of syllables but it feels off beat. Maybe 'And yet whose fate like yours is nigh' which is the wrong number of syllables but Blake sometimes uses 8 and it flows better here?And yet! his fate, too, is nigh;
Maybe 'Is both skilful and cautious'Is both masterly and cautious.
Origin is a lovely word but a bit too bulky!His origin on him bestows
Hello! Tigerlilly here to review!
Wow! I'm stunned by how well this poem is rhymed. It doesn't feel forced at all, not to mention you did it exactly like William Blake's poem (which, to be honest, is one of my all time favorites). I like the way you show how the tiger isn't flawless. It reminds me a lot of people, how each and every one of us has flaws that make us unique. I found the third/fourth line interesting. In the poem The Tyger it does speak of God, and you counter that specifically and perfectly. Well done!
I honestly wish I could find something to nitpick on, but this was an absolutely marvelous poem. I love how it resembles yet is opposite of William Blake's poem, and how well the rhyme flows. Keep writing, I look forward to reading more from you!
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