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Young Writers Society



The Secret of Tayburn Zoo: 13.2

by ExOmelas


Aurora looked up from her jigsaw puzzle as Haldane's tutting got louder. They were the only two in the small, low-ceilinged room. It had smooth grey walls and a white linoleum floor. Aurora preferred the soft carpet of the zoo's lounge, but at least it wasn't metal like the others had to put up with. She looked up at the screen Haldane's screwed up eyes were directed towards, a small flatscreen mounted high up one wall, at her friends asleep on that cold metal with its tight-knit pattern of bumps.

Except they weren't all asleep. Chip was standing, Aurora could see in the clinical, light green of night-vision footage. He raised his hand slowly, and before long had approached another figure. This one Aurora hadn't noticed enter the room, but she saw now that it was MacLean.

"What's the matter, Miss Haldane?" Aurora called up.

Haldane glanced down at her and rolled here eyes. "Seriously, Aurora, can you concentrate on nothing?"

Aurora looked down at her jigsaw puzzle. "Well, you wanted to know if I think like a human... humans get distracted, right?"

Haldane shook her head with a sigh. "Well, maybe you can focus on this. Come watch the screen and let me know if your headset beeps."

Aurora glanced upwards at the rim of the big clunky metal dish that sat lopsided on her head. It was measuring something to do with brainwaves, and it hurt when it tried to modify them. She did her best to concentrate on the screen. There was no sound, which was odd.

"Okay, well, that's Chip," Aurora said, "And that's MacLean. They're... chatting?"

"Yes, well observed," Haldane said. But something in the way she left that hanging in the air for a moment told Aurora this was more of Haldane's truly biting sarcasm. Haldane went on, "She was only meant to go in to check on them. Normally Fred Crothers does it, but it's his night off. Now, Aurora, what do you see?"

Aurora stretched her neck as far as she could, but she was still miles away from the screen. She wasn't Chip; her hind legs weren't her friends. She screwed her eyes up and mentally zoomed in as far as she could on MacLean, who was crouching down very close to Chip. Her lips were curled up in an ugly, nasty way, and her words were coming out slow, as if she had to force each one painfully past her lips. It was like she was spitting them.

"She looks like she's saying some very mean things to my friend," Aurora muttered.

Haldane nodded. "And that's my problem. I don't need another Crothers going in and breaking the audio of the CCTV just to verbally abuse my test subjects."

Aurora trembled at the thought of Crothers, the glee in his eye as he turned the dials on her headset up higher and higher, so that her brainwaves got clearer and clearer on the display on the side. That hurt too. But it wasn't like Haldane had ever put much effort into stopping him.

"I'm going to turn the sound up," Haldane said. "Just to see if the CCTV only got turned way down, instead of malfunctioning entirely.”

As the volume increased, unfortunately, MacLean had just opened the door to leave the room.

What Aurora did hear was MacLean’s footsteps, right then, a ways away down the corridor, swiftly approaching. Haldane looked down at her and pointed stiffly towards the puzzle, then stalked out the room. For a moment, Aurora considered doing what she was told, but remembered again that they were trying to figure out if she thought like a human, and it wasn't as if humans ever did what they were told.

She padded forward as quietly as she could on her big soft paws until she was right up against the thick wooden door. She wondered if Haldane could see where she ought to have been from the little window about two thirds of the way up, but at the very least Aurora was far too low for her actual whereabouts to be spotted.

Haldane had already begun berating MacLean. "I'd fire him if I could one of these days, but you and I both know I'd have to pay him off to get rid of him. And I'd have to pay a lot. I'm talking half the worth of this entire place."

MacLean sighed loudly. "Look, I don't like the guy either. But what does this have to do with me?"

Haldane scoffed. "Oh, come on. Going in there just to antagonise the poor monkey? Frederick all over. You don't have to be him just because you want his job."

MacLean was silent for a moment, and when she did speak it was quiet, almost stuttering. "I, um... yes. I just, I would give anything for what he has. Is it - I mean - I think it's fair. Fair to assume that I'd have to prove I'm tough. You know, not going to be stopped by - by cute faces?"

"You wouldn't have made it anywhere near this far if cute faces could stop you doing your job!" Haldane snapped. "We both know that! Go check on Aurora, now! And I don't want to see any more of that needless aggression."

Aurora sat there smiling for a moment, wondering if maybe Haldane wasn't all that bad. But then MacLean's footsteps snapped her out of it and she sprang away from the door, back to the jigsaw puzzle. As the door swung slowly open, Aurora realised that this jigsaw was actually the most interesting thing she'd ever seen and she couldn't possibly look up from it to see who had come in.

"Good evening, Aurora," MacLean said.

Aurora sighed, wondering if she'd even slightly fooled MacLean with her puzzle fascination. She looked up. "Hi, Tracy. How can I help you? Should I start running just now or...? I'm currently trying staying up all night to see how my sleep cycle compares with a human's so I have all the time in the world to run."

Aurora winced as she heard how bitter her voice came out, but MacLean was the one modelling herself on her tormentor. What, was she trying to make up for keeping Aurora's secret before? Trying to prove to the company she had what it took? Pathetic.

MacLean gingerly eased the door shut, her body stiff with tension until it finally clicked closed. Then she spun round to Aurora and whispered, "I don't have much time. And I don't think trying to look like I'm threatening you is going to get anywhere this time. Take this, film what happens to you, and Patrick and I will take care of the rest."

She rushed forward to Aurora and slid a tiny black disc under the lid of her jigsaw puzzle. Then she moved the pieces back and forth around the big wooden board Aurora had been building on, which Aurora supposed probably was what someone would do if they were checking a jigsaw puzzle was functioning properly.

Her jaw was still hanging open as a moment later MacLean shot to her feet and nodded curtly at her, then strode out the door. Aurora had no idea if her brain chemistry worked like a human's, but she hoped to God that she made more sense than one.


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Thu Jul 09, 2020 1:38 pm
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

And the end of Chapter 13.

First Impression: And now we have Aurora getting her camera. Well talking softly makes even more sense now. But then we get more information that is telling us that Sue is just doing science and isn't purposely trying to harm any animals.

Anyway let's get to it,

Except they weren't all asleep. Chip was standing, Aurora could see in the clinical, light green of night-vision footage. He raised his hand slowly, and before long had approached another figure. This one Aurora hadn't noticed enter the room, but she saw now that it was MacLean.


Well that shows Chip being totally awake. Then why was he thinking of sleeping lightly?

Aurora glanced upwards at the rim of the big clunky metal dish that sat lopsided on her head. It was measuring something to do with brainwaves, and it hurt when it tried to modify them. She did her best to concentrate on the screen. There was no sound, which was odd.


Poor Aurora.

Aurora stretched her neck as far as she could, but she was still miles away from the screen. She wasn't Chip; her hind legs weren't her friends. She screwed her eyes up and mentally zoomed in as far as she could on MacLean, who was crouching down very close to Chip. Her lips were curled up in an ugly, nasty way, and her words were coming out slow, as if she had to force each one painfully past her lips. It was like she was spitting them.


And they somehow don't spot her doing weird motions with her hands to give those discs to Chip?

As the volume increased, unfortunately, MacLean had just opened the door to leave the room.


Why would the volume be turned down in the first place? Do the animals snore or something?

Haldane had already begun berating MacLean. "I'd fire him if I could one of these days, but you and I both know I'd have to pay him off to get rid of him. And I'd have to pay a lot. I'm talking half the worth of this entire place."


Huh...Crothers is that important in this establishment or does he have dirt on them or something?

MacLean was silent for a moment, and when she did speak it was quiet, almost stuttering. "I, um... yes. I just, I would give anything for what he has. Is it - I mean - I think it's fair. Fair to assume that I'd have to prove I'm tough. You know, not going to be stopped by - by cute faces?"


She thought of the whole acting thing but wasn't prepared for the excuse. That doesn't seem likely. She seemed like the kind of person to have planned it out properly.

She rushed forward to Aurora and slid a tiny black disc under the lid of her jigsaw puzzle. Then she moved the pieces back and forth around the big wooden board Aurora had been building on, which Aurora supposed probably was what someone would do if they were checking a jigsaw puzzle was functioning properly.

Her jaw was still hanging open as a moment later MacLean shot to her feet and nodded curtly at her, then strode out the door. Aurora had no idea if her brain chemistry worked like a human's, but she hoped to God that she made more sense than one.


Well things should get interesting in the next chapter. Let's see where this goes.

And that's it.

Overall: Another well written scene there. Good amount of tension and again a very realistic depiction of the emotions involved. Sue also got some development. She seems to be humane at least despite the fact that she does consider them rest subjects.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Sat Feb 15, 2020 4:57 am
Lib says...



Ah, so that's why MacLean was smirking and snarling in the first part of the chapters. And she whispered and kept her mouth as tight as possible and - that makes so much more sense.

Also, Aurora's sassiness!! I love her so much!! xD




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Dossereana wrote a review...



Hi @BiscuitsLeGuin I am here to do a review at last on your work. okay first things first.

Really nice carom lines

Aurora looked up from her jigsaw puzzle as Haldane's tutting got louder.
I really like how you started this chapter of,I found this a really nice line to start with.

It had smooth grey walls and a white linoleum floor.

This line I found was grate for description, you have done a grate job of putting an image in my head.

He raised his hand slowly, and before long had approached another figure.

Interesting line here, I love how your putting everything to gather,

Haldane glanced down at her and rolled here eyes. "Seriously, Aurora, can you concentrate on nothing?"

I see the aggression here, and the impositions, its hard to think of what Haldane might be thinking right now, but you can feel it, lovely line ones again.

Aurora had no idea if her brain chemistry worked like a human's, but she hoped to God that she made more sense than one.


Grate ending to the chapter I loved it, I am really cures to here the next chapter.

Description

I feel like your description in this chapter was beyond grate, Some lines I liked it so much I read over it like several times, I feel like this one was one of the best, you got strat into your description in this chapter, and I always love grate descriptive works.


Somethings that I was not shore about

okay so the first nit pick I have is, that most of the time chapters start with the mane character wincht is Patrick right, in this chapter Aurora started it of, I am not shore about that but, its your chapter you get to decide what to do with it.

So really this was all that I could say about this, if I came across as being to harsh and not very nice pleas for give me for it, This was an amazing chapter by the away, I think it is one of your best yet.

@EagleFly out to Seek and Kill

Happy Review day




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Wed Mar 20, 2019 2:37 am
Shady wrote a review...



Bisc!

You have waited... forever xD for this review. Sorry about that! But I'm here now and I'm super excited to see where you're going to take things in this chapter. Let's get started...

She looked up at the screen Haldane's screwed up eyes were directed towards, a small flatscreen mounted high up one wall, at her friends asleep on that cold metal with its tight-knit pattern of bumps.


So you've gotten my repetition rant in the past. You don't need it again and I'm too exhausted to give it at the moment xD But this sentence is pretty repetitive. You have her looking "up at the screen" and then the next bit is talking about the "flatscreen mounted high up" and that's basically the same sentiment repeated twice? Think about rephrasing it maybe?

"She followed Haldane's screwed up eyes to a small flatscreen TV mounted high up on one wall..." or something maybe?

Except they weren't all asleep.


OH NO

"Seriously, Aurora, can you concentrate on nothing?"


Is... she... really trying to shame? a talking panda? that's capable of puzzles? Really?? Ughhh she's The Worst.

It was measuring something to do with brainwaves, and it hurt when it tried to modify them.


>:(

As the volume increased, unfortunately, MacLean had just opened the door to leave the room.


WHEW! Okay we can breathe again tg.

and it wasn't as if humans ever did what they were told.


xD haha I love this <3

"You wouldn't have made it anywhere near this far if cute faces could stop you doing your job!" Haldane snapped.


*glare* I am still skeptical of you, MacLean.

Aurora had no idea if her brain chemistry worked like a human's, but she hoped to God that she made more sense than one.


Hahaha I love her so much. That sass tho.

~ ~ ~

Another excellent chapter! I love the tension you set up with Haldane and the screen and all that. I thought for sure MacLean was going to get busted, and then you spun it around and I am a fan. Nicely done. I still am skeptical of her decision to almost bust herself again moments after she gets confronted about it -- how does she know that there's not sound and recording being live streamed elsewhere from Aurora's pen too?

My emotions are really unhappy with you and angsty and worried about what is going to happen xD My writer brain is pleased with your ability to wrap my emotions so much in this story and make me so worried about what's going to happen next. As always, this was great.

Looking forward to the next one!

~Shady 8)




ExOmelas says...


ahhh i'm so glad you like it :D




The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.
— Alvin Toffler