The Secret of Tayburn Zoo: 14

The room was dark as Patrick went back to the start of the video. It hadn't been dark at first, in fact the lights had been as always blindingly white. But Rita, Dexi's friend, had swung by as she went to bed to check on him, and he'd told her she could turn the lights off, that he was just about to leave. But leave he never had, and so he sat here in the dark.

His bloodshot eyes focused on the screen in front of him, blinking sleepily as the laptop's mechanisms whirred angrily from being on too long. He watched Chip's feed again as the camera angled upwards. He figured that Chip's camera was probably on his collar, and that he was leaning back to show him something. Even that made his heart wince. Trust Chip to never stop trying to help him out.

There were flashing lights above Chip's head, all attached to a wide circular rim that seemed to be some sort of metallic helmet. And there were some wires that seemed to be plugged right into his head, surgically or something, though Patrick could only just see the edge of Chip's temples, so he held out some hope that he was wrong.

Chip groaned and the camera pointed downwards, circling lazily. The fur that hid the camera was mostly in the way of the shot, but Patrick was pretty sure he was just looking at floor. Had Chip gone unconscious?

But then the voice started, as it had done the last three times, and as with the last three times Patrick jumped out of his skin.

"I see one of the young monkeys, Rosie," Chip said, his voice slow and even. "I see her climb up to the top of the cage. But then a big black bird lands on the outside and starts pecking at her fingers. She's holding on by one, and then she falls. I think okay, this is what we trained her for. But none of us are there to catch her and there's no ropes and she falls and lands and-"

Chip panted, his view jerking back to an upright position. Whatever he'd just been put through was over.

But then the worse ordeal began. "Rosie, I'm not sure you should go up there by yourself... Patrick, what's that bird? Is that one of ours - what's it doing? Rosie, rosie, no! No, no, no, no, no!"

Chip shrieked and seemed to spring upwards out of whatever he'd been sitting in. He hung his head and the camera juddered up and down, presumably as he caught his breath.

"Patrick."

Patrick jumped, having forgotten momentarily that a world existed outside the footage. That call had come from the doorway. He looked around with a pretty good idea of who it would be.

"Hi, Treego," he said, his shoulders sagging.

"You have to stop watching that," Treego said. Patrick could only make out the glint on his eyes in the cold white light of the laptop screen, but they were cast downwards.

Patrick paused, then said, "I guess we won't need much more footage to bring down Neuromax, eh?"

Treego sprang forward, quickly climbing the single leg of Patrick's spinny chair and scrabbling up Patrick's shoulder. He leapt onto the desk and settled himself on the edge of the laptop, just next to the track pad.

He faced away from the screen and locked eyes with Patrick. "So, have you found anything to get you off yet? Lisa scream for Papa?"

Patrick shrugged. "I think the poor thing got stage fright. She almost gives the game away that something's going on with the way she clams up. But I am asking so much of her."

Treego immediately shook his head. "First of all, we are asking something of her. Secondly, I'm sure she'll get used to it. Dexi's pretty young too, maybe we could get her to do that role."

Patrick pursed his lips. "Probably not. For one thing I don't think we can send MacLean in any more to tell them anything like that. And not because I don't trust her, so don't start with that. I don't know how someone telling me a story about a company reading her memories made me believe her more, but given the context I do. But Gerry the toucan whispered into his camera that he thinks Haldane is getting suspicious."

Treego nodded. "Seems likely."

"Also," Patrick added, "A frog is much, much cuter than a crocodile."

Treego gasped and raised both front feet in the air in pretend shock, which he could only manage for a moment before collapsing forward and falling off the edge of the laptop. He pulled himself together and laughed. "Tell Dexi that next time you see her! Ha, you've just won me a bet, you have."

Patrick smiled and quickly stroked the top of Treego's head. Treego grinned deliriously at the attention.

Eventually, Treego took a deep breath and said, "So, you believe MacLean's story, that they read her mind? And you believe her it isn’t going to happen anymore?"

"I believe Crothers went crazy with technology that was meant to only be for animals," Patrick said. He winced a bit at the end, hoping Treego wouldn't think he considered it permissible for animals either. But Treego didn't seem to react, so he went on, "And I believe enough in Haldane that if she found him doing that she would put a stop to it. She can't fire him, not when he has so much dirt on the place. But I imagine she reminded him of the benefits of dirt, and that she could use it on him too. Human memory manipulation probably not going to go over so well with the public, no matter how many evil doings you expose."

Treego nodded, then turned around to look at the screen. "What are the other ones like? I have to know what they do to my friends. What happens to Lisa?"

Patrick gulped. "I haven't watched hers yet. It's last, and by that point I'd seen a lot. And I just... she's a kid."

Treego's eyes were wide as he turned back around and stared up at Patrick. "Please, I want to know."

Patrick took a deep breath. "I'm not going to watch, but okay."

"That's fine," Treego said, plodding his feet back round to face the screen again.

Patrick scrolled sideways on the timebar, looking for Lisa in the thumbnail. He overshot it and nearly hit the end of the video. But just as he was about to scroll back, something in the thumbnail caught his eye.

"Is that a dog?" he whispered.

He clicked the timestamp and waited for the video to load, feeling like his heart was peering curiously out of his ribcage. A moment later, he saw grainy images of a dog, a shaggy border collie with its tongue hanging out its mouth, and its shoulders bumping up and down as it breathed at the speed of light. Next to it was a rabbit, who looked about all over the place, its gaze never really setting on anything. And next to the rabbit was a tiny little mouse, which just sat there eating some crumbs dumped in a pile in front of it.

Whoever they were watching the feed of turned their camera round to show Chip, Gerry and Lisa - Dexi's feed then - standing at one side of the room, the three new arrivals spread out in the other. Chip's expression was particularly serious, staring right into the camera. He mouthed something to Patrick, but he couldn't quite make it out. All he could tell was that it had an 'o' sound on it.

"Who the flying heck are they?" Treego shouted.

Comments & reviews · 3
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kaitlyn
Review
kaitlyn wrote a review · Thu Jul 09, 2020 1:57 pm

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

And looks like this is the halfway point.

First Impression: We have a new set of problems. That's interesting...And memory reading. Oh dear the implications for that technology. And very painful videos indeed. And you really feel the emotion for this one. You've done a great job making us emotionally invest in the animals.

There were flashing lights above Chip's head, all attached to a wide circular rim that seemed to be some sort of metallic helmet. And there were some wires that seemed to be plugged right into his head, surgically or something, though Patrick could only just see the edge of Chip's temples, so he held out some hope that he was wrong.


Nooo Chip...*urge to punch something intensifies*

Patrick shrugged. "I think the poor thing got stage fright. She almost gives the game away that something's going on with the way she clams up. But I am asking so much of her."


Well was it necessary to give her the camera if she's so young and might give the game away. You'd think two to three cameras would still get a lot of information.

Treego gasped and raised both front feet in the air in pretend shock, which he could only manage for a moment before collapsing forward and falling off the edge of the laptop. He pulled himself together and laughed. "Tell Dexi that next time you see her! Ha, you've just won me a bet, you have."


I have no comment.

But I imagine she reminded him of the benefits of dirt, and that she could use it on him too. Human memory manipulation probably not going to go over so well with the public, no matter how many evil doings you expose."


So he does have dirt. I was right.

Treego's eyes were wide as he turned back around and stared up at Patrick. "Please, I want to know."


Wait now he want to know despite warning Patrick not to watch earlier. Seem a little contradictory there.

He clicked the timestamp and waited for the video to load, feeling like his heart was peering curiously out of his ribcage. A moment later, he saw grainy images of a dog, a shaggy border collie with its tongue hanging out its mouth, and its shoulders bumping up and down as it breathed at the speed of light. Next to it was a rabbit, who looked about all over the place, its gaze never really setting on anything. And next to the rabbit was a tiny little mouse, which just sat there eating some crumbs dumped in a pile in front of it.


Very interesting development.

"Who the flying heck are they?" Treego shouted.


Good question Treego. I am off to find the answers.

Aaand that's it for this one. Halfway done..

Overall: Well...interesting development. And beautifully captured emotion. The plot is now finally clear except of course we now run into a twist so let's see where that goes.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

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Shady
Review
Shady wrote a review · Sun Apr 28, 2019 12:25 am

Heya Bisc!

This review has been forever in the coming, but I'll do my best to make it worth the wait! Super excited to see if this super sneaky plan is actually going to work or not! Let's get started...

But leave he never had, and so he sat here in the dark.


Minor nitpick here, but "leave he never had" is just phrased a bit... odd? Like I get what you're saying it's just a strange way to phrase it and kind of gave me a bit of pause so I thought I'd point it out in case you'd like to take another look at that sentence.

His bloodshot eyes focused on the screen in front of him, blinking sleepily as the laptop's mechanisms whirred angrily from being on too long.


I'm a big fan of this sentence! Idk I guess most of the time when I'm reading my auditory senses are usually neglected -- basically the only examples of hearing I can think of off the top of my head might be birds chirping or traffic sounds or the gurgling of water. Those sounds are used a lot. But this imagery made me imagine exactly what it's like when my laptop gets angry at me and whirs and I was just fond of getting that sort of engagement.

There were flashing lights above Chip's head, all attached to a wide circular rim that seemed to be some sort of metallic helmet. And there were some wires that seemed to be plugged right into his head, surgically or something, though Patrick could only just see the edge of Chip's temples, so he held out some hope that he was wrong.


So are you describing lights on the helmet? I'm having a bit of a hard time visualizing how he'd be able to see things on Chip's head if the camera is attached to chip's collar. Wouldn't his chin be blocking the view? Just not super clear on what I should be envisioning here.

But then the voice started, as it had done the last three times, and as with the last three times Patrick jumped out of his skin.


Apparently I am just in an anally nitpicky mood tonight xD Sorry about that. But do you mean the last three times Patrick watched the footage? Because this is a recording, yeah? It's just not super clear to me whether he jumped... for some reason? the third time he watched the same clip? Or if this is the third time someone is speaking on the video. I'm assuming he's replaying the clip but this phrasing doesn't make it excessively clear.

Is that one of ours - what's it doing? Rosie, rosie, no! No, no, no, no, no!"


:(((((( Oh my gosh my heart! </33333 (Also, >:( Haldane grrr)

Patrick smiled and quickly stroked the top of Treego's head. Treego grinned deliriously at the attention.


Remember how I said I was being anal tonight? Yes, hi, this is exactly one of those moments and it is INCREDIBLY minor and you should definitely feel free to disregard this comment entirely... however... Treego is a frog, yeah? Frogs are amphibians... meaning they breathe through their skin... meaning that having a human touching him with bare skin can dry out his skin and cause some problems.

And I know this is fiction and it doesn't REALLY matter -- I mean I've held frogs myself before. And I doubt ANYONE else would notice that detail lol. But stroking a frog as an endearment isn't the most loving thing he could possibly do haha.

feeling like his heart was peering curiously out of his ribcage.


+10/10 EXCELLENT imagery, much approval.

Whoever they were watching the feed of turned their camera round to show Chip, Gerry and Lisa - Dexi's feed then -


This is another minor nitpick but I'm not a huge fan of this phrasing. It confused me the whoever's feed it was because I was wondering if another camera had randomly been inserted into the line up or whatever, and I just didn't really understand at first what this sentence was trying to say.

~ ~ ~

Another excellent chapter!

I feel like my general summaries of TZ are always weaker than my line-by-line critiques so I'll keep this part short. But I love the dramatic flair you always add. This is a nice little cliffhanger -- my mind is buzzing with possibilities and wanting to read on to see who these new animals are and what's going on. You do a great job of keeping me engaged, even with a month between my reviews xD

Can't wait to read the next chapter!

~Shady 8)

Thanks for the review! Will talk to you in the pad <3

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Dossereana
Review

Hi @BiscuitsLeGuin I am yet back with another review for you, I really liked how you started this chapter, it was grate to read yet another one.

Lines that really catch my attach en

It hadn't been dark at first, in fact the lights had been as always blindingly white.
Okay this was a grate line, that I really looked at, I did read over it a couple times, cous this line did not seem right, so I am just going to get a suggestion for this one, and if you don't like the suggestion just keep in mind that that's okay it was just a thought that I came up with, also I will put the changes in bold.

His bloodshot eyes focused on the screen in front of him, blinking sleepily as the laptop's mechanisms whirred angrily from being on too long.
Oh this is interesting and cool, this is getting better, I think that your description is getting better now, and see after some practice your description improves massively, I for one no this and your spelling does to.

Trust Chip to never stop trying to help him out.
Lol this bit was funny in away, i found it funny because of the way you were talking about Chip really like this book, and I never want it to end but a story has to end sometime. :wink:

though Patrick could only just see the edge of Chip's temples, so he held out some hope that he was wrong.
Lol read temples and thought of my older sister doing temples for her business, anyways thought that was funny. :P

Had Chip gone unconscious?
Yeah that sounds true, I think that mite have happened.

But then the voice started, as it had done the last three times, and as with the last three times Patrick jumped out of his skin.
that last line sounds like me when i watch a really scary part in a movie.

"Rosie, I'm not sure you should go up there by yourself... Patrick, what's that bird? Is that one of ours - what's it doing? Rosie, rosie, no! No, no, no, no, no!"
Oh dear okay that sounds scary, also you spelt rosie fine in every line with the name except the last, because its supposed to have to have a capital, so rosie is Rosie, unless you meant for that to be with out a capital.

Suggestions

It hadn't been dark at first, in fact the lights had always been blindingly white.


So that is all that I can say about this chapter, as you can see this was a really good chapter, if you found it a bit harsh with something our you thought i just read it wrong I am really sorry, and I hope i am not wasting you time, I really look forward to reading the next chapter on ward.

@EagleFly Out To Seek And Kill

Thanks for the review Eagle! :D

Your welcome, i am really looking forward to the next chapter. :D



Remember, a stranger once told you that the breeze here is something worth writing poems about.
— Shinji Moon