Unorthodox Thieves (Chap. 10.1): Special: Arianna

by EnderFlash

Published September 28, 2015

In Unorthodox Thieves (LMS)

So, special chapter. Forgive me for not advancing the plot, but I love doing these. And I’m not the biggest fan of flashbacks, since my writing teacher hates them and has influenced me, and since this isn’t really related to the plot and therefore will be too much of a random flashback if inserted into the story. I see flashbacks as a way of hinting future plot revelations or clearing things up for the reader, but this is just something I really wanted to write.

I'M DONE THIS IS READABLE GAIZZZZ

===

“Watch out!”

Lucius barely managed to look up before an incoming projectile hit his knee like a missile, or at least it felt like it. Dropping down, Lucius clutched his knee in an attempt to squeeze out the pain, impossible as that was. The offending object was an old jacket tied around a cluster of sticks and stones (that he swore were going to break his bones one day), so it remained sitting in front of him like it hadn’t just given him a huge bruise.

“Why’d you look up?” a boy, perhaps around age ten –only three years younger that Lucius- shuffled over, hesitating between spending more time apologizing to Lucius or to just pick up the ‘ball’ and resume his fun.

“Because most balls come from the air?” Lucius sighed, tentatively pressing the hurt area and wincing. He wouldn’t be running about any time soon. “Mick, I’ve told you guys a million times to use weeds or something.”

Mick stuck his lip out, scooping up the bundle by one of its knots. “We was going to, but Jess forgot, an’ we wanted to play, so we just left like this.”

“We were going to,” Lucius automatically corrected. “Ah, wait, sorry.”

“It’s alright.” Mick gave a toothy grin, revealing some yellowed teeth. His blue eyes were nearly covered by a curtain of dirty blonde hair, and Lucius noticed that the boy needed a haircut and a toothbrush.

“Hey, drop by Marcia’s sometime and ask her grandmother to give you a trim! You’re going to trip over yourself while playing like that!” Lucius called, even as Mick scampered off to find his friends. It was hard to yell in a kneeling position, but Mick twisted his head and flashed him an ‘OK’ sign with a free hand, so Lucius took it that he had been heard.

Lucius fell into a proper sitting position, his back to the cold, cracked wall that made up the front of his house. It’d been in a much better state a couple years ago, when his mother was still around to dutifully clean up all the dirt and bird droppings, but ever since she up and disappeared, Lucius barely cared about appearances. Everyone’s houses looked like theirs (his), after all, some even more run down.

Mick had disappeared into one of the many alleyways branching out from the main road, and the ensuing series of shrieks and giggles that sounded indicated that he had reunited with his friends. Lucius probably could’ve joined them, but he never felt the urge to play around like most children did. Rather, he spent his time doing favors for the locals, most of the time receiving food or some other useful supplies as thanks. He even got a hair comb, once, not that he ever used it. It was still sitting next to the cracked mirror in the living room, right next to his bed.

Lucius let his eyes wander to the south, where the main road gradually sloped upwards and almost magically seemed to turn from dirt to neat rows of brick tiles. Up in the hills, as if it represented some sort of heaven, was where Lucius’ mother had called the “better folk” lived in cubes of blue and green or tall towers that seemed to be made of glass. If Lucius had broken into a run and didn’t stop, he could probably get there within two hours. Sometimes, on days when he had the time, Lucius would go up to that city and explore what seemed like an entirely different level of civilization. While he never received more than some odd looks, Lucius always felt ashamed with his old, oversized jacket and scuffed jeans. Being in that city was like a wayward, scrawny rabbit tumbling into a clearing of endless spring.

Taking a deep breath, he shooed away his wistful thoughts of the land that he would never belong in. Not quite sure where he was heading, Lucius began to walk towards the lake, staring at the ground as he did so. A little pebble was kicked forwards, landing next to a crack in the ground. Grinning, Lucius ran up to it and kicked it again, and so began a small game of solo soccer.

Before he knew it, Lucius was nearly at the lake. Here, the already tiny houses broke down into tents or even canvases propped up on car tires or against walls or bushes. The water wasn’t dirty or polluted, but it was a still, brownish color that was just that way because of the cloudy morning. The sky was still the color of milk, with the chilliness to match. Even the birds weren't out to chirp just yet.

The gray sky was as unmemorable as it could be.

"Oi, that you, Lucius?" 

Lucius turned to see a middle-aged man crawling out of a gray tent, several feet away from him. He put on a polite smile. "Hello, Mr. Williams."

Mr. Williams shakily got to his feet. Despite being in his forties, he had scratchy white hair with a matching beard. A large smile revealed missing teeth, but a relatively clean mouth otherwise. "Taking the day off?"

"Everyone needs one, sir," Lucius replied, rubbing his neck. "Being not quite sure what to do is a nice change of pace from knowing exactly what to do and despairing over the length of the agenda."

Mr. Williams gave that loud laughter of his that was somehow rough and comforting at the same time. Then, his face took a more serious turn. "Lucius, be careful. There are some nasty rumors going 'round bout them black markets."

"Yeah, I've heard." Lucius frowned as well. "The organ business has been flourishing lately, haven't they? They're not very subtle either, since they know the police doesn't care much about what happens down here. I wouldn't be surprised if I saw a flyer advertising discounts on kidneys."

"Careful. You don't know if all donors are willing." With one last grave nod, Mr. Williams sunk back into his tent.

His comfortably bored demeanor gone, Lucius decided to take a walk around the lake. He sort of wished that his life could be as peaceful as the water, but that would also mean no change. He wasn't quite sure which one was worse.

The path around the lake had been created by the endless pacing of troubled, bored, or routine feet, although weeds threatened to capture certain areas of it. It was a good several feet above the lake itself, so Lucius made sure to stay away from the edge, lest he trip and roll down into the water. It had happened before, and it wasn’t a good feeling at all.

While walking past a familiar, scratched up oak tree that had been the victim of many scoreboards, Lucius noticed a small yellow tent set up behind it. It hadn’t been there a couple days ago, and although things like that were common by wandering hobos, an invisible force seemed to prompt Lucius to check it out. Stepping onto the uneven grass, he half-walked, half-skipped his way over protruding roots and dry clumps of some kind of plant. Some part of his mind screamed at him to just turn around go about his daily, boring life. However, Lucius was still just a child, and curiosity pushed him forwards. Stopping in front of the tent, he frowned. “Hello?”

There was a shuffling sound inside, and the high-pitched whimper of a little kid. Yes, something had definitely happened in there.

"I'm coming in," Lucius said, heart thumping both in fear and excitement. Fear, because of what horrible sight might await him, and excitement because he would love a thriller to make this morning more memorable.

The flap was pushed aside, and Lucius ducked in. Rather tall for his age, the tent's pointed ceiling only came up to his chin. The inside wasn't nearly as intriguing as he hoped- scratchy weeds made up the flooring, and near the back was a young girl, around age five or six. She had choppy chestnut hair, with long bangs. Dressed in an ill-fitting overcoat and pink dress, she trembled in the corner while curled into a ball. In front of her was a small bundle, made almost completely of elaborate knotts. Whatever was in those rags, it was important.

Seeing that the girl was afraid of him, Lucius didn't take another step. "Um... hi. I... I won't hurt you."

She didn't move, except the constant trembling. She wouldn't even look at him.

Lucius took another step forwards, leaving him a foot away from the girl. "Wh-what's your name?"

There was a small mumble.

"Hm?" Lucius cocked his head towards her. "What was that?"

"... Arianna." The girl finally looked at him, and Lucius saw with a startle that her eyes were a misty brown, unfocused yet seemingly seeing everything at once with its untrackable haze. He had seen this once before. She was blind. Lucius could only think of one thing to say. "You're blind?"

Arianna puffed her cheeks out, some pink fluttering into those pale mounds. "Y-yeah! I am! A-and Daddy says it's alright, so it is!"

"Woah there," Lucius said, putting his hands up in surrender. He had forgotten she couldn't see. "Yeah, it's alright, I was just confirming it." Realizing how stupid he sounded, he sought to change the subject. "Where's your... daddy?"

Arianna lowered her head again, gripping her legs so hard that red imprints formed. "I dunno."

"Pardon?"

"I said, I don't know." Arianna's voice became more strained. "Daddy told me to take this" -she nudged the package with a bare toe- "and then he left."

Lucius kneeled down next to her, taking the bundle in his hands. "May I?"

Arianna sightless eyes stared somewhere to his left. "May you what?"

"Open this thing."

"Open what thing?"

A sigh. "The package your father gave you. I want to see what is inside so I can help you." 

"Father? You mean Daddy?" Apparently, Arianna had not grown up with the proper way to say it.

"Yes, daddy," Lucius impatiently repeated, wanting to just unravel the clothing already. Nevertheless, he didn't want to be rude, so he waited for the girl's permission. "I can even help you find your fath- daddy after this. Nothing better to do."

"Really?" Arianna's mouth widened into a huge smile, and her eyes shone like red rays of sunset struggling to burst through endless rows of clouds. Except that her pupils were brown, of course. Her hands unwrapped themselves around her legs and clasped once more, but this time around Lucius in a tight hug. "Thank you so much!"

Lucius actually flushed at this, and he was glad that Arianna could not see him in that moment. "Right, right. So can I find out what's in here?"

Arianna nodded, sitting back with her legs bent backwards besides her. Lucius' offer for help seemed to have completely gained her trust.

Lucius dimly thought that if they didn't find her father, she definitely wouldn't survive alone with that innocent personality. Then again, she was quite young. Slightly struggling with the numerous knots, Lucius managed to pull it apart. From there, the layers fell away easily. The object obviously wasn't very large. Then, Lucius unnessecarily flung away the final piece of cloth, eager to see what was inside.

Money. An entire stack of unmarred green bills, too, not some old, rusted coins. Although not a particularly thick bundle, the number one hundred seemed to pop off of the paper, and the levelheaded gaze of a balding gentleman stared up at him from its two-dimensional reality as if to reassure Lucius that it was indeed real.

Lucius would've dropped the stack, but his body was frozen in shock. Inside, his mind whirled at light speed, questions such as how Arianna's father had gotten ahold of such money standing out most prominently. A tiny, dark part of his brain suggested to take the dollars and run, and any lesser man might've, but Lucius crushed such a thought process. He wasn't that bad off, and the circumstances behind such wealth would have haunted him for life. "Arianna... how did your father get this?"

"Huh?" Arianna, being unable to see that valuable stack of one hundred dollar bills. "Get what? Is it candy?"

"It's money." Lucius held out the bills to her, before remembering her blindness (he kept on forgetting!) and pressing the money into her little hands. "A lot of it. Enough to last you quite a bit."

Arianna's face dawned with comprehension- even at her age, she understood the differences between being poor and rich, and what got you between that gap. "Wow..."

"What was your father doing before he disappeared?" Lucius prodded, determined not to get side-tracked again. "Anything unusual?"

"Ehmmm," Arianna mused, blank eyes narrowed in thought. "He sounded really sad. And he talked a lot?"

"Did you catch anything?" Even one word could unlock the mystery.

"Something about 'up front'? Oh!" Arianna clapped her hands together, a smile stretching across her face. "He told me alll about how much he loved me and why!" She stuck her tongue out at Lucius. "And you can't know why, 'cause it's private."

Lucius ignored her, already putting his brain to work. Up front could only mean up front payment, so Arianna's father had probably decided to do a job for someone else and gave Arianna the money. The job in question must've cost him his life in some way, since the father certainly sounded like he was saying a final goodbye to Arianna. The heavy stone of realization sunk right through his mind and into his stomach.

The organ business.

Up front money.

... Oh.

He felt a pang in his heart; the man gave up his life to help his daughter survive longer and better. That was honorable and admirable, but at the same time...

"He's an idiot," Lucius growled. "Thinking about his daughter's physical welfare is great and all, but..." He looked at Arianna with a pained expression. "Can't he just be there for her?"

Arianna patted Lucius on the knee. "Watcha talking about?"

"... Nothing." The girl didn't know about her father's near-certain death, and Lucius wasn't going to be the one to break it to her. He doubted she'd believe him, anyways. "Hey, why don't you come with me for a bit? I'll take you to someone who can take care of you."

"Daddy said not to go with weird people," Arianna immediately replied, frowning, "and Daddy'll take care of me. I don't need anyone else."

Weird people? Lucius didn't even bother to hide his stormy expression, since she couldn't see it. "Think of it like this. If I wanted to hurt you, I would've already done so, right? And I still have to help you... find your fath-daddy, so for now, let's get you somewhere where you won't make your daddy worried. Your daddy didn't tell you to wait here alone, did he?"

"... No," Arianna admitted. She got to her feet, wiping dry blades of grass and dirt off of her dress. She gave a little hop, then nodded. "Alright! ... Oh yeah, I never got your name." She bonked herself on the head with a clenched fist, grinning. "Daddy always told me to ask first."

"Lucius."

"Lu-shi-is?" Arianna tried the name out on her tongue, frowning. 

The boy would rather not have his name butchered. "Why don't you just call me.... Luc? Pronounced 'Loosh'."

"Luc?" Arianna smiled, the nickname clearly pleasing her. "Lu-uc!"

"Sure. Anyways, the person you'll be staying with for now will be-"

"You?"

Lucius stared at Arianna (she was at eye level now, with her standing and him kneeling). "What?"

"You seem like a nice person," Arianna plainly said, lacing her fingers and rocking on her heels. "I think that I'd be comfortable staying with you."

"I'm grateful that you feel that way about me, but I'm really not that great at taking care of people. Miss Shera has a daughter named Marcia a little bit older than you, and I'm sure that you'll be happy there." Lucius patted Arianna on the head, and dimly noticed that her hair was even messier than his.

"Mmm," Arianna said in a displeased tone, shaking her head. She grabbed his sleeve. "I still need to tell Daddy about you, so it's easier if you are there when he comes back. Plus, you promised that you'd help me find him!"

Lucius sighed, seeing no fast way out of this. He'd take care of the girl for a while, and then ease her into Miss Shera's reliable care. "Alright. Hold my hand, and I'll lead you back to my house."

It wouldn't hurt to help Arianna out for a bit. Surely, at most, it would take a week, perhaps a month. 

Arianna giggled, following Lucius out of the tent. "Thanks, Luc!"

Lucius tightened his hand around hers in an attempt to express his soft smile.

The gray sky was the most memorable one he'd ever seen.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Ventomology
Review
Ventomology wrote a review Review · Oct 4, 2015

FINALLY. Ender, this is why we don't procrastinate.

Anyways, onto the review!

Note: Setting includes the "when."

Throughout your piece, you've gotten better and better at conveying scenery and action. However, a crucial part of any visual (and sometimes smell and touch) description is the time period. It is easier for people to get a feel for something if they know approximately when it's from.

The 'organ donor' bit does help with this, but not enough. I think, at least for sections regarding Lucius's past, a bit of contrast between his slums and the far-off wealthy world would paint a good picture of the time period in which your story takes place.

Impressions:

1. Huh, I was under the impression that Arianna and Lucius were at least close family friends, if not siblings. It's interesting to see how they actually met.

2. Excellent use of dramatic irony in here. I didn't think that much of it would show up in your writing, because of the view-point, but you've proven me wrong. (Also, why must you make all your literary devices pertain to something sad and gloomy?! Arianna not understanding her father's death is a horrible detail to add. Ender, you're so evil.)

3. Please tell me we're getting back to the main story after this. You and Tort really enjoy switching perspectives to add to the suspense. Grr.

Anyways, that's about it. I'll catch you again when I can read the next chapter!
-Buggie

BLEH BLEH BLEHHHHHHH (Translates to 'I'm so sorryyyy')

Thanks for the review! Yeah, everything is a little darker 'cuz the last novel I was writing was pretty much 100% humor and weirdness, so now I gotta balance it out~

User avatar
lace182
Review
lace182 wrote a review Review · Oct 1, 2015

First - I think writers should never apologize for their work ahead of time. If you wrote it and you chose to publish it, take responsibility for it. Enough said.
Second - I completely agree with your teacher. Flashbacks suck and they are so overdone.

Now for the story. You write well. Your narrative is nicely paced. It drew me in. I like your characters. You have them doing interesting things and so whatever the rest of the story might be, this is good and stands alone. I know I like to write side stories from my books too. It's fun. You know your characters well so you can get right into the story.

I like your settings and your dialog but consider adding more emotion, things to make your reader care about the characters. I don't know why the mother left but it seems it doesn't matter. Why don't your characters care? Perhaps that is part of the bigger story but it doesn't matter. I would expect some emotional context in this story. A line or two would do, an explanation or a feeling.

So why don't you finish this? I am concerned you don't know where you were going with it. If that is the case, think on it. You might have to revise a little but that's all part of writing. Finish the work and you will have no need to apologize for anything.

Ah, I will finish it. In fact, I'm working on it right now. I kindaaa stalled for LMS and then I ended up having to rush the deadline. Whoooopsss??

Anyways, thanks for the review! I'll go ahead and change things as I'm finishing the story.

ParanormalMyth wrote a review Review · Sep 29, 2015

Hey, EnderFlash! I don't know how I didn't see this sooner! And hey, don't beat yourself up over having not been able to finish this. I can take up to a month to write something half this size, so your doing quite well actually. And using your words, this isn't "BS", it's actually really good other a few small little typo type things. I'm not sure if that little note meant to not review this, and if so I'm sorry and you are more than welcome to ignore this. :)

The Review!


Plot

Spoiler
The plot of this was honestly really good, so I don't have any nit-picks there. So instead I guess I'll maybe focus on how you could incorporate this into the story. Your right about a flashback of this being a bit too random, and I don't think it would work as a prologue type thing either. So, maybe a separate little book type thing, with the different characters back stories. Or maybe they could all be be put at the back of the book after its ending as a sort of final little piece of work. I dunno, those ideas are horrid. I think that writing these back story type things is a really good idea though, since it helps readers get to know the characters better.


Characters

Spoiler
The characters in this are well portrayed, per usual for your writing. Great job!!


Other

Spoiler
N/A


Typos/Grammar/Odd Sentences

Spoiler

The offending object was an old jacket tied around a cluster of sticks and bones
B-Bones?! That kinda creeped me out at first until I realized you may have meant "stones" If you did mean bones, yikes! That's kinda creepy, xD

Hmm, I thought I had noticed another one but I can't seem to find it again. I must have imagined it, haha.




Have a great day! :D

~Myth

Yes, it actually meant not to review xD I'm currently finishing it. But thanks anyways, because now I can go ahead and fix some stuff now that you've pointed them out.

I've noticed a lot of errors just like that "sticks and bones" part... What a sleep-deprived mind can do...

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry! After posting the review I re-read that authors note and mentally yelled at myself because I realized it meant not to review. *facepalm* again, sorry about this.



I just write poetry to throw my mean callous heartless exterior into sharp relief. I’m going to throw you off the ship anyway.
— Vogon Captain (The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy)