Releasing a yelp, Lucius’s hand shot up and half-punched, half-pushed Wila’s head back a couple degrees. Her throat looks rather vulnerable right now. The thought had barely flashed across his mind before it sank in a swamp of horrified realization that he had just hit the crazy lady with the knives.
His face must have shown something, because as soon Wila readjusted her neck, she took one look at him and grinned. It revealed no teeth, unlike her previous smile, and Lucius wasn’t sure whether to take that as a good or bad sign. She kept quiet. Thankfully, her grip on them loosened, although Lucius suspected it all to be an act to get them to lower their guards.
There was a tense silence as all three of them dared not speak, none of them willing or sure on how to approach the matter without smashing the ice they tread on. Wila held the slightest traced of uncomfortableness in her frozen grin.
The sunlight was condemning with its infinite reach and Lucius’s eyes wandered over to the thick forest. How amusing it was that only ten minutes ago, he had been itching to leave that place. He rubbed his palms together. It seemed that the grass was always greener on the other side.
Wila shifted her elbows and Lucius caught a full view of her knives. They were tied in place with some hairbands or colored rubber bands. The thought of her sliding them out reminded him of a cat’s claws.
Lucius’s eyes narrowed even further. At this point, he was mainly doing it for effect in the hopes that they would notice his irritation over the matter. He had never been a cat person. That was Arianna.
Mikhail nudged Wila’s arm with a sigh. His features were softer now. “W-Wila…” He paused and gritted his teeth. “Wila, would you get off of us? This… is getting painful.”
“Hm?” As if just realizing her position, Wila made a sheepish expression and complied. “Sorry ‘bout that. Just tell me a little sooner next time.”
Lucius exhaled a breath he hadn’t realize he had been holding. His hand twitched, and he had to resist running it through his hair on grounds that movement would draw attention. Normally, he would have landed in the conversation with a chariot of insults, but curiosity pulled his impulsiveness aside and quietly told him to listen. So he did.
“… Would you like to make a deal?” Mikhail’s words were so soft that Lucius wondered if he had misheard anything.
There was a lift in her eyebrows and her lips curled back as Wila gestured for Mikhail to continue. The subsequent glimpse at her knives had Lucius utter a silent prayer that Mikhail had a solid plan in mind.
“H-how about…” The boy once again stopped and winced. “How about if Lucius and I agree to keep quiet, like… you wanted us to the in the forest… and you give up your knives?”
A hiss escaped through Lucius’s teeth. He wanted to scream at the sky all the reasons why Wila was sure to turn down the deal and stab them right then and there, but he settled for a baleful glare. Wila had explicitly stated that she didn’t trust them before, and there was little chance she was going to agree now. What was Mikhail thinking?
Wila stayed silent for a second that seemed to stretch on for infinity. Was she contemplating all the ways for her to kill them and wrap things up nicely? So when she smiled, Lucius was jumpy enough to take off right there. “Nope.”
Bringing his hand to his face, Lucius stifled a groan. Of course she wouldn’t. A droplet of sweat trickled down the side of his cheek and he had a feeling that it wasn’t from the lukewarm sunlight. “Can we just go back?”
The two turned to him.
Lucius felt a pang of nervousness and wondered if he shouldn’t have spoken. Then, with a grit of the teeth, he drained out any thought for consequences. He was sick of the tension, the secrets, and all this arena crap that was constantly snipping at his lifeline. An index finger traced the dented lighter. Most of all, he just wanted to go back and be alone. “… I said what I said.”
“No, Lucius, I really didn’t hear you. Speak up,” Wila said, rolling her eyes.
A deep flush swirled in Lucius’s cheeks and he pushed down the embarrassment, even if the physical evidence refused to fade. “Can we hurry this up in some way? I get it, we’re all being stubborn jerks around here, including me. But at this point, I’d really like to just BS the compromises and get going. It’s not that hard to just give up something, Wila!”
“Right, hold up a second,” Wila started, holding her hands out in front of her, “Pray tell, ‘O Wise One, how are we to make this work? Personally, I’d rather not stand out in a field until eternity, but it’s a great stalling technique.”
Shoot. “Er, well, can we just go with what Mikhail said earlier?”
The spotlight swung over Mikhail and the boy blinked. A confused sound escaped his throat.
“Let me repeat: I really can’t trust any of you. There’s no assurance that you aren’t going to leave me to die, all alone, surrounded by enemies.” Wila dramatically sighed and pressed a hand to her cheek, eyes closed. She opened the right one and saw that neither of them were amused. Reverting back to a more normal stature, a pout formed.
“Back to the core problem. I can’t trust you to not murder me in my sleep,” Lucius growled. Killing was being discussed rather comically, much to his pride’s displeasure.
There was a twitch of the eyes, then a heavy frown, and finally a hand crawling from the cheek to her eyes. “My gosh, Lucius. Must you think the worst of everyone?”
“What?” He was thinking rationally, thank you very much.
“Alright, I get that you don’t like me,” she began, and took note of his grouchiness, “and that’s probably the understatement of the century, but can you please be a teeny bit more sympathetic? I’m just your average teenage girl who got knives to defend myself because I sure as hell don’t have the proper exchange materials for a gun and, to be honest, I’m not that great at using these weapons either.” She tapped her forehead. “I don’t kill people for fun. No one short of a psycho would do that. To be honest, I’ve never even… Ah, never mind. My point is, if I can avoid violence, I will.”
Taken aback, Lucius let his arms swing down to his side. His next breath got tangled up halfway through the windpipe. He had never thought about things that way. The trust definitely didn’t come pouring out from that one proclamation, but he began to notice the small things about her that he hadn’t analyzed before. The scars peppering her arms and fingers backed up her lack of skill. How her hands remained glued to her body and that the feet positioned in the dry grass prioritized fleeing over attacking. The slightest tremble graced her limbs. His guilt meter was really stacking up.
Wila took his silence as agreement. “So?” She grinned, and this time, it seemed less intimidating and more like a front.
Rejection nearly slipped past his gaping mouth, but he snapped it shut. Safety over all, he told himself. Lucius looked over to Mikhail, hoping to catch his eye, but the boy was gazing at the forest. It looked like the decision was his alone. Was safety more important than good will? The softness in his heart took control of his vocal chords. “Okay,” he said, not completely aware of what he was saying. “Fine.”
The smile and little jump from her shone made the overhead sun look like a dingy light bulb dangling from a string. It was a strange transition from her nervous state and Lucius took a step back when she moved to hug him. That made her pause and restrain herself. The glow dimmed. Wila’s eyes continued to sparkle, though, and a little needle stabbed at Lucius’s heart. Those eyes seemed just like the ones Arianna could have if she could see. The glossy glimmer, the warm color… His fingers twitched as if he could reach out and pocket those eyes, before giving them to Arianna.
“Mikhail!” Wila’s call snapped Lucius out of his thoughts. She bounced over to Mikhail and took his hands in hers. She pulled him forward, nearly tripping him. Reparation for that came as a steadying hand and an “Oops." There was a moment as Mikhail regained coordination. “Let’s go back. I’m pretty tired from all this standing.”
Her joy made Lucius sigh. He never managed to follow through with threats.
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Yo! I made it!
By the way, just out of curiosity, are you planning on continuing to write this piece, even though you're not in LMS anymore? I would like to see the end, since you've gotten so far, but I understand if you don't have the time or interest for it.
Moving on.
Nitpicks:
I do this a lot too. You start writing something and then write something else and forget to delete the first thing. In this case though, I would keep "shone," since "made" is not as strong of a verb.
General Comments:
You do a lot of this "There was" stuff before launching into some action. Though I understand the need to use this tactic occasionally, like when the story just can't flow without it, I must caution you. "There" is never followed by an action verb, which in storytelling makes it a bit weak.
Plot, Characterization, and Misc. Items:
1. I saw a number of Arianna references. It's good to be reassured that Lucius still has a grip on his original goal. For now.
2. Like Niteowl said, you have some strong characterization in this segment. The way it was presented was also excellent, and I look forward to seeing this sort of thing continue. (I should add though, when one character notices things in another, I always think of those terrible teen romance novels where the love interest is like, a bad boy. You were not so cheesy though, and I rarely see such development from a boy's perspective, so this does not apply to you. I just thought it was funny.)
3. It will be interesting to see what the other two characters in the group make of the changes in these relationships. If that isn't included in the next two chapters, I shall be greatly disappointed (unless you continue writing, that is).
I apologize if this review is not particularly helpful. It feels like it's been months since I actually reviewed anything.
Until next time!
-Buggie
When? Haha... Erm, that'll be once I get my stuff together and pull all the characters back to their original personalities. I'm currently working on another plot bunny, so that doesn't quite help. But if I come back to this, I'd probably just make a new story folder altogether.
Heh. Uh. Yeah. //I blame video games//
Pssh. I've scrapped stories too. It's no biggie. Thanks for letting me know!
I haven't read the rest of this, so excuse my ignorance. I can comment mostly on grammar, I guess.
Finally, someone who can punctuate quotes! Thank God, I was starting think they didn't exist anymore.
Other than that, there's not really much to comment on-- in the second to last paragraph, the "Oops". should be "Oops." You have great sentence variation and I love the voice of this piece. There's probably some synonyms that would make the piece stronger ("backed up," etc), but mostly this is great! I encourage you to keep going!
Thanks for pointing that mistake out- I'll be changing it right now. I'm glad that my sentences vary, because I've gotten critiques on that before and I've been working to change them up.
Hi there EnderFlash! Niteowl here to review for the Sanguine Warriors this fine Review Day!
Note that I review as I go along, then I'll make any general comments I have.
This sentence is really unwieldy. I'm not sure you really need the funky metaphor here. It kind of takes me out of the action, which seems weird in this scene.
Another metaphor that seems unnecessary to me.
Okay, so I know I'm jumping in in the middle since this is in the Green Room, but I think this is fairly easy to follow nonetheless. I feel like the character development is good here, as Lucius sees some of Wila's vulnerability.
I am having trouble picturing what's going on in the beginning of the chapter--this girl is sitting on them or somehow has both of them in a chokehold or something? It just seems really strange to me.
Overall, I think you have some interesting characters, but I'll have to go back to earlier chapters to get a better sense of the plot and the world. Still, this chapter was solid. Keep writing!