Hi Elinor,
Mailice again here with a short review!
So we have reached the end of the short story. When I started reading it, I didn't expect the ending to turn out like this. The title disappears in this sweet thought and becomes a melancholic and thoughtful question. Where is the person today that I once loved? Of course, I think this only tends to work when you're a bit older, and already have several relationships.
You've shown that first love can be something magical and also something that has a captivating effect - meant in a double sense. I think you did a very good job of portraying that. A highlight of the chapter was probably the end, when Nancy started to think about it. You introduced her well at the beginning and I think it's fitting how you end the story and how her character has changed.
Nancy didn't want to cling to anyone for fear of loss and Jay was someone who clung to someone because he was afraid of being alone. In a way of his charm where his true character shows behind it, I thought it was excellent how you showed the two characters as opposites. I even think that Jay partly suffers from some kind of personality disorder, understandable when you see what his stepfather did to him, which destroyed the basic trust in his parents' home.
In this chapter I found that you rarely made those "Zack" jumps. (Strange proper noun. ). It was clearer and more flowing, which I liked. It still didn't feel like it was dragged out. One question that remains is why did you choose 1949 as the setting for the story? Was it because of the film the Red Shoes and to make a connection?
Otherwise I liked the short story very much. It had something very tragic about it, which is actually not so "tragic" in the sense of whether the moral question is allowed to blame oneself over a person when they are older. You show a perfect balance of this change between child and adult. Is one responsible for their condition or how one shapes it? You managed to give a long-lasting effect with this ending. (Because I read the story on the train this morning and was still thinking about it as I sat on the train home. )
Some points that stood out to me:
"One day when I'm old, I want some lovely young girl to say to me, "Tell me, where in your long life, Mr. Whitman, were you most happy?" And I shall say, 'Well, my dear, I never knew the exact place. It was somewhere in Idaho. I was with Nancy Austin." "What?" she will say. "Do you mean the famous singer?" I will nod. "Yes, my dear, I do. Then she was quite young, comparatively unspoiled. We were, I remember, very much in love."
On one hand I think it's really sweet, but on the other hand it's also very creepy.
Nancy wondered in those weeks if she'd been too harsh, or if she'd made the right choice in breaking up with him.
It's a very personal and realistic question. I like how it heralds the end.
The relationship with Mark fizzled out
Who is meant by Mark? He is only mentioned once here.
Have fun writing!
Mailice
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Reviews: 1232
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