z

Young Writers Society


12+ Mature Content

Alex and Jay/1

by Elinor


Alex woke at dawn.

It took her a moment to realize where she was, that all of this was really happening. In the passenger’s seat of the car, with him. They were in a town somewhere. Pink sky still hung over the mountains.

“Hi,” he said. As she sat up, he smiled at her. “We’ll be in Missoula soon.”

“What’s in Missoula?” she asked. She supposed that she hadn’t really thought any of this through. Still, she thought of what was waiting for her back at home, or rather, what wasn’t, and was confident that she’d made the right choice.

“A new life for us,” Jay said with a smile. Us. He wanted her. She’d only known him for two days, and yet, it felt like she’d known him her entire life. From the way he looked at her to the way he said her name. Alexandra. Her parents had picked it because they thought it sounded royal. And yet, it only sounded so when he said it.

The car didn’t have heat and it was cold. She pulled her hands inside her sweater. He noticed when he pulled over to get gas, and wrapped his jacket over her. “I’ll be right back,” he said. He kissed her for a long time, deeply.

After he pulled away and got out of the car, she caught a girl her age staring at them. She turned away and disappeared into the store when Alex met her gaze. It was an odd thing, to think that she was the envy of someone else when as recently as three days ago she wondered if anyone would love her.

She looked at Jay through the window, and he smiled again. It was wide, beautiful, and warm. Looking at him, nothing else seemed to matter.

He got back into the car and kissed her again. None of this felt like it was really happening. He was so handsome, so worldly, she had no idea how she could have gotten so lucky. She could have gotten lost in his eyes, blue like the sky on a perfect summer day, forever.

“Are you hungry?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said. Then, she saw he was looking at a diner across the street, beckoning with light and warmth and the smell of pancakes and coffee.

They pulled the car across the street, and he put his arm around her as they went inside. Despite being early, the diner was already fairly busy. The Chordettes’ Lollipop played on the radio, and the song made her think of Carolyn, of the long after school hours they’d spend at Kingston’s.

As the hostess seated them, Jay kept his arm around her. Alex had no idea what time it was. They were close to Missoula. While she slept they’d driven two hundred miles. She wondered if Marcia or her father were awake yet and had read her note. If they would try to find her. She doubted it, though.

As they sat down, Alex suddenly felt herself shaking, and it wasn’t from the cold.

This isn’t happening, she thought. Jay could have undoubtedly had any woman he wanted, and it didn’t make sense that he would pick her.

“Jay?” she asked. “How old are you, exactly?” She wasn’t sure why she was asking, what it mattered, but her curiosity got the better of her.

He hesitated for a while before responding. “I’m thirty-four. Is that a problem for you?” he added.

“No,” she said. She felt her heart start to race. There was a lot she wanted to ask him, but she waited as she looked at the menu. They ordered. Eggs, blueberry pancakes, bacon, coffee and orange juice for him. Just eggs and toast for her. The waitress walked away. As hungry as she was, her stomach was in knots and the thought of eating much daunted her.

“Why me?” The words came out of her mouth before she could think.

He laughed. “What do you mean?”

“Why did you come back? That day?” At the bookstore.

“Because, I wanted to see you again.” It was so matter of fact, so definitive that Alex couldn’t help but believe him. None of the boys her age were like this.

“But…”

“What?” There was his smile again. His gorgeous smile.

“Yesterday was my first time,” she aid. Privately, she wondered if she’d actually had sex before Carolyn. Even though she’d been with Paul for a year and a half, she had always said she wanted to wait for marriage. Alex had no idea if that was still true.

“That doesn’t matter to me,” Jay said.

“I don’t think I’m that interesting of a person,” Alex said, barely audibly.

“I think you’re very interesting.”

Alex was bright red now.

“And that you’re beautiful. And smart and caring.”

She couldn’t help but smile now. As he reached out and took her hand, the song changed to Mr. Sandman. Another song that reminded her of Carolyn. But, being here with him, the song itself took on a new meaning.

Sandman, I'm so alone

Don't have nobody to call my own

Please turn on your magic beam

Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream

Their food came and they began to eat. Alex was hungrier than she realized, and the blueberry pancakes Jay had ordered smelled so good. Jay must have sensed this because he gave her one of his. As they ate, she realized they had yet to discuss their actual plans. They had $300 from Alex’s savings from the bookstore and another $150 from Jay. It would get them an apartment and probably enough to live on for a month, but sooner or later they’d have to work.

It was odd to think of all she’d left at home, but at the same time, it was freeing. She’d brought a few clothes. The picture of her mother. And Ariel, her favorite collection of Sylvia Plath poetry. That was all she really needed. She was sure they’d figure the rest out. Jay was smart. He’d take care of the two of them.

“So, why Alexandra?” he asked then.

“What?”

“Why did your parents name you Alexandra?”

“Oh,” Alex said. “My mom thought it sounded royal. Edward VII, his wife... she was an Alexandra. A Danish princess. She was considered one of the most beautiful women of her day.” Alex found herself blushing again, her heart racing. He doesn't care, she thought. No one except you cares about obscure historical figures from a hundred years ago.“And your middle name?”

“Jean. After Jean Harlow.”

“A princess and a movie star,” he said. “You should use it. Be proud of it.” Alex blushed again, but couldn’t think of anything else to say. The only time anyone had used her full name before was her father or Marcia, and only when she was in trouble. But she liked the way it sounded coming from him.

“You love England, don’t you, Alexandra?”

He wasn’t wrong, but she still wasn’t quite sure what he was referring to. Maybe the Beatles pin on her backpack, or the sticker on her notebook. But she was fascinated with English culture. The music. The clothes. The history.

“I’ve always wanted to go,” she said. “My dad has been. Multiple times.”

“So, where have you travelled?”

“Uh, Wyoming. I have family there. Idaho.” She may have just imagined it, but she could have sworn Jay tensed up. “South Dakota. My dad and I flew to Chicago once.”

“I’ve never been on an airplane,” he said. “Would you believe it?”

“I liked it,” she responded.

“How would you like to travel the country?” he asked. “Who says we have to stay in Montana?”

“And end up where?”

“Well, that’s the beauty of it. We don’t have to end up anywhere. Alexandra, how many people do you think always say they’re going to go on a trip or talk about doing things they know they’re never going to do because they know they have a mortgage, or whatever ridiculous excuse? We have none of that. We’re free.”

She said nothing, only because she’d never heard this kind of thing from anyone before, because he was so intelligent and handsome and perfect. Where had he been all of her life?

When they got back towards the car, Alex offered to drive so that Jay could rest. He declined but told her he’d take her up on her offer later. She turned on the radio, settling on Bobby Vinton and his version of Moon River.

She’d never heard it before, and it was beautiful. By now it was daytime, and the sun was out. Between them, the forest and the mountains and the road, everything was perfect. She reached for his hand. He gripped hers for a moment before letting go.

She put her hand on his arm, desperately wanting to feel his touch again.

“I have to drive,” he said.

Alex sat back in her seat, deflated. If he was otherwise frustrated with her he didn’t show it. 


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
29 Reviews


Points: 3561
Reviews: 29

Donate
Sun Apr 26, 2020 1:30 am
View Likes
mckaylaam wrote a review...



Hi there Elinor! I'm here for a quick review of your short story :)

Right from the get go, I was intrigued with where the story would be going, right after Jay had mentioned the two of them would be starting a new life. Why are they leaving their old lives behind? How did Jay and Alex meet? Why is there a strange girl staring at Alex?

We then find out that Jay is 34 years old, which had caught me off-guard since I had gone into the story thinking that they were both young and in their teens. Also, Alex keeps mentioning Carolyn and I became really interested to know more about this person. After finding out more about Alex - her interests and where she's traveled - I start to like her more and more as a character, but I also am still very concerned about the situation at hand. Who is Jay, and how did they get to where they are now?

The ending was also very interesting to me. Whenever Jay talked about how people always say they're going to travel but never do because of various excuses, I felt a lot of myself in that sentence. I think that a lot of people, including myself, hold themselves back too much and don't end up getting to see all the places that they want, so it's important to travel when you can. However, what was more intriguing was the contrast between Alex saying "...he was so intelligent and handsome and perfect" and then becoming deflated after being "rejected" from Jay, possibly due to frustration. Tension seems to rise and fall between the two, and they go back and forth from affectionate to seeming like strangers. This, of course, is likely due to them having only met a couple days prior.

I honestly don't have any criticisms/suggestions, except for maybe putting the song titles/lyrics in italics or some other font choice to distinguish it from the other text. I'm definitely curious to see how their relationship develops and what other events will unfold as they seek to leave their old lives and old homes behind. I see that you have posted another part, so I'll definitely be reading that and leaving my thoughts on that. Great work!




User avatar
21 Reviews


Points: 161
Reviews: 21

Donate
Sun Apr 26, 2020 1:24 am
View Likes
ryleigha wrote a review...



Hi Elinor!

My name is Ry and I'm reviewing your story on behalf of Gryffindor today! Happy review day and April 25, which is the best date, because all you need is a light jacket!

I really liked your short story, and I can't wait to read the second part! I also liked how Alex slowly becomes more worried about her situation with Jay! I think your writing style is really strong and I liked how you incorporated the songs into the diner scene and when they were driving.

I don't know if you meant to do this, but I felt very wary of Jay once he said he was 34. Especially when it seems like Alex is either just out of or still in high school. I was also worried about him when she started describing her anxiety about being with him and losing her virginity as well.

I like how you started the story with her waking up in the car, but I feel like we are missing a decent amount of backstory for the two of them. How did they meet? When did he come back for her? How did he convince her to leave after only knowing her for two days? I don't know if you are going to tackle that in the next part, but I feel like some more description here can help answer some of those questions. But if that was your stylistic choice, don't worry about it! It also adds to the intrigue behind the story!

I really liked your imagery as well! But I feel like the ending could be a little more complete, because it kind of feels like it finishes in the middle of a paragraph, maybe you can add a little bit more about if she is worried that he wouldn't grab her hand. This also follows her characterization of being a little bit anxious in the situation in which she finds her self.

Other than that, you did a great job and I can't wait to read more of your writing!

Ry




User avatar
21 Reviews


Points: 161
Reviews: 21

Donate
Sun Apr 26, 2020 1:13 am
ryleigha says...






ryleigha says...


Hi sorry, ignore that comment! I accidentally sent it before it was ready!




There is a difference between being poor and being broke: broke is temporary; poor is eternal.
— Robert Kiyosaki