I'm sorry dear little lamb
For what you're going through
For the way you're forced to cram
All those devastating feelings in you
I'm sorry for the pain you feel
I know it isn't easy
I pray that one day you heal
And that grief sets you free
NO one sees it coming
When death knocks at their door
I can imagine how you are paining
How you must be shaken to the core
I hope you are fortified
You are in our thoughts and prayers
I know how it hurts to be denied
A loved one; but i hope your wound cures
My heart goes out to you
I can feel your pain
It may now seem insane
But life isnt over !
No one ever knows
When God takes back his children
Both of you were so close
But rejoice now he's in heaven
If he could see you now
He wouldn't appreciate the tears
You must overcome it all somehow
Overcome all your fears
In school last year
You intoxicated us with devotion
You showed us you really did care
You taught with so much passion
So please dont succumb now
You still have life infront of you
I know you will climb up somehow
Yes don't let grief ruin all you'll do
Be strong Mrs Lamm
Nothing happens without reason
It may now be an awful jam
But please dont stay in grief's prison
You were always a liver
Smiling at life with much happiness
Who knows the future?
You could always experience
Love again. Yes love.
So please little lamb don't give up on life.
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Doxie!!! I swear you have a talent for writing poems. I absolutely adore this one. I just hope she can read this so that she knows there are people who support her even if we're not with her. Anyway, I'd like to point out some things that I noticed and how many times must i tell you to be careful when you're writing? You didn't even read this before you posted, otherwise you would notice all the little things that are wrong. But then again, that's my job. Now, let me do it and just listen (more like read).
I'd also suggest using punctuations because they give more emphasis to your words.
Like I said, I love this poem. Also, I noticed that you started using punctuations going to the end of the poem. I think it would be better if you put some at the beginning as well.
Anyway, Happy writing!
Btw, chapter 11 is up!
Your poem was vary flowing and I could fell the emotion in your words.It also was vary moving and well thought out.Nice job on your poem!
This was good.
A few nitpicks though:
I'm sorry dear little lamb
For what you're going through
For the way you're forced to cram
All those devastating feelings in you
I'm sorry for the pain you feel
I know it isn't easy
I pray that one day you heal
And that grief sets you free
NO one sees it coming
When death knocks at their door
I can imagine how you are paining
How you must be shaken to the core
I hope you are fortified
You are in our thoughts and prayers
I know how it hurts to be denied
A loved one; but i hope your wound cures
My heart goes out to you
I can feel your pain
It may now seem insane
But life isnt over !
No one ever knows
When God takes back his children
Both of you were so close
But rejoice now he's in heaven
If he could see you now
He wouldn't appreciate the tears
You must overcome it all somehow
Overcome all your fears
In school last year
You intoxicated us with devotion
You showed us you really did care
You taught with so much passion
So please dont succumb now
You still have life infront of you
I know you will climb up somehow
Yes don't let grief ruin all you'll do
Be strong Mrs Lamm Is this the same lamb you mentioned earlier?
Nothing happens without reason
It may now be an awful jam
But please dont stay in grief's prison
You were always a liver
Smiling at life with much happiness
Who knows the future?
You could always experience
Love again. Yes love.
So please little lamb don't give up on life.