Same Old Story

I agree with the others that some parts sounds forced. I think that have a lot to do with the rhyming. I know you want to rhyme, but you shouldn't make the lines seems to forced, make it come naturally. Now to do that, you can play with the words around a bit. Rearrange the order of the words. You'd be surprised how much they can change.

Also, this poem seems more of a rant than anything. Which is fine. But to do a rant well, you need to make it powerful, concise and to the point. Now, your poem is lacking a bit of power. I think that may have something to do with it's length and choice or words.

With the length, to write a poem that long isn't really against anything. It's just that it's a bit bland if you keep it on the same topic. Can I suggest you to add a bit more to it instead of: I am who I am, deal with it. I think you need to write about other things, say maybe, how you acted and how you really want to act. Vary it, keep it interesting.

And with your choice of words, it's a bit dull and simple, not that that's a problem. But to make a really powerful rant, the words need to be concise and they need to have effect upon the people reading it. I think that you need to think about your choice of words a bit more carefully, instead of just writing out any old thing.

Now another thing, can I suggest you do more of showing and not telling. Show us, don't tell us. It keeps things interesting.

Hope this helps! It wasn't too harsh was it?

This has a lot of emotion and power in the word choice!

I'm tired of being ranged
In your claustrophobic cell

Really it? ain't no shame
And that for one is a fact

Seems a bit forced to me--I guess it's the rhythm or something.

Other than that, I like it--very easy to identify with, especially

I guess I trusted you too fast
Thought I could one day be myself

This could be a very cool song! you did a great job on this and i love the rhyming. Very nice. Unfortunately, I don't have any negative comments for you to improve.