Do you ever feel left out?
Like you just don’t belong?
You ever wanna shout?
Just tell the world that they’re wrong?
You ever felt like telling ‘em all
Who can do nothing but criticize
That you wanna stop your fall
That they should just quit all the lies
That you are who you are
Born that way you were
That dreams can take you very far
And that now you’ve got courage to dare
If people can’t accept you
Just the way you are
If they scorn all you do
Doesn’t that push your frustration far?
Dreams are for those
Tired of negative attention
Don’t diminish the dose
Of your daily hoping potion
You gotta dream to reach the sky
And believe in your dreams
If not you’ll never soar or fly
You’ll never shine in happiness’ light beams
So yes dreams are for you
Don’t listen to those critics
Who judge all you do
They’re just jealous fanatics
They wish they were you
So they try to ruin your life
Man you guys don ‘t have a clue
Of how their life is filled with strife
Every night and day
Jealousy eats them away
So they always feel the need
To make your heart bleed
To tarnish your image
But all you have to do
Is turn over the page
Forget that jealous crew
You all go on dreaming
Don’t let ‘em make your life hell
Let ‘em know you’re done succumbing
You’re standing up though you fell
Let them see you in your true light:
The invincible
Yeah I know you all can stand and fight
So do so now ‘cause later you’ll be unable
This is to you all who are tired
Of being made dirty
To you all now fired
With this sense of rebellion so tasty
Go on the combat is yours
And never ever abandon
Fight till you fall on all fours
Dream and fight…come on !
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140,843 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
I loved the message behind this poem, very powerful! However, I stumbled over some words as I was reading it. It didn't seem to flow that smoothly. Also, you switched the rhymning pattern in this stanza:
I would change it to match the rest.There were also some lines that didn't match up perfectly, but they weren't bad. If you can find words that rhymne better, I would change it, if not it's fine. This is a long poem, and every line rhymnes, so I definetly understand how difficult and frusterating it can be to find words that both rhymne and work with what you are trying to say, as I myself usually write rhymning poems.
This is just my personal opinion, as this could just be your personally style, but I didn't really like how you wrote in slang in some parts of the poem. I thought it took away from it, and made it more casual. If this was supposed to be a casual poem, and you are directing it to teens, then that is fine. Just something I thought I should bring up.
Overall, I think you have a really good poem here. It could still use a little tweaking I think, but really like it so far. Amazing message! Keep writing
Doxie, this is a really good poem. I like the meaning of it but I do have a few nitpicks to point out.
That you are who you are
Born that way you were
If people can't accept you
Just the way you are
If they scorn all you do
Doesn't that push your frustration far?
- in this stanza the flow of the poem broke. There are a lot of other stanzas in this poem where the rhythm was broken because some words are longer than others.
Every night and day
Jealousy eats them away
So they always feel the need
To make your heart bleed
I absolutely loved this stanza although the rhyming pattern changed. I think the change actually fit well with the poem.
You gotta dream to reach the sky
And believe in your dreams
If not you’ll never soar or fly
You’ll never shine in happiness’ light beams
You all go on dreaming
Don’t let ‘em make your life hell
Let ‘em know you’re done succumbing
You’re standing up though you fell
Let them see you in your true light:
The invincible
Yeah I know you all can stand and fight
So do so now ‘cause later you’ll be unable
These are other stanzas where the flow is virtually non-existent and the rhythm is also null.
Man you guys don ‘t have a clue
-There shouldn't be a space in between the word and the apostrophe.So, that's all I wanted to point out. Happy writing!
So, you have a very nice rhyming pattern there and you kept to it beautifully. The message you have there is also a very strong one. I also loved how you started the poem with a stanza constructed of only questions. It really does make people want to read more. I feel as though I have to say this though: I know that poems don't have to have punctuations, but there's a few places in there that wouldn't hurt with a comma or two. Like here:
However, some of this does sound a bit long and a little bit to repetitive. So, maybe cut a stanza or two out? But that's only my opinion, you don't have to change anything.
This is kind of hard to get into because it's a longer piece. For me I got lost because the rhyming felt forced and that took away the whole meaning of poetry in my head. It doesn't always have to rhyme, and abstract is a new kind of cool. I do think you have a great piece of writing here! Don't stop! Keep it up!