So here i am
With my body, my soul
I'm mad at you God
For who you made me be
My physical appearance
My loudness
It's such a nuisance
Yeah it's all a mess
I hate who i am
And because of you
Cause looks like i'm a sham
But you don't really care do you?!
I look at other girls
Praised, admired
For they look like precious pearls
Sparkling with beauty
Cause of who you made them
So i'm asking you now
Is it too late to change me?
To make me different somehow
To just change the person you've made me
Because i don't like this skin
The one i'm forced to be in
I want to be pretty
Beautiful really...
I'm tired of myself
My awful physic
My annoying disruptive nature
So yeah god...please do me a favor!
Please God hear my cry
Its the call of a desperate girl in need...
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140,186 Literary Works • 673,037 Reviews
This was beautiful. I related to it the minute I started reading it. I love how you wrote about something so close to the heart.
Hi there, Doxie.
I like your writing. I like the subject you're bringing up, because lots of girls feel like this, even when they're beautiful, just because people and society tell them they're not.
Reminds me of a really beautiful movie I used to watch when I was a little girl, called Hermie, A Common Caterpillar. I think everyone feels like Hermie at least once in their life, he was feeling just like the main character of this poem, wondering why God made him like that when he wanted to be a beautiful butterfly. This movie speaks to the heart of people. I recommend it.
Okay, but back to the subject, your poem has some grammatical errors, nothing to worry about, just the same things; Punctuation and capitalization. ;D And edit is enough to say, "TADAH!" XD Also, to make it more catchy I'd add a methafor or two, that'd make it more beautiful. ^_^
That's all. And always remember, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, cause God's perfect hands can't do anything ugly. ;D
~Sol Valeria
Poetry wise this was well written minus the above corrections that others have done. Well written.
Keep seeking answers, keep asking, keep knocking and keep writing.
~FW~
This was really good. I'm sure many people could relate to it. I liked the imagery, too!
Hi there. Lavvi in to review.
So, you really need to make sure your grammar is good. You have a lot of words that aren't capitalized and should be, like:
It's really important that you do this because if words that should be capitalized and aren't if makes for an unprofessional looking poem.
Yours,
Lavvi
Wow... there hasn't there been a time when we all felt like God gave the best features to somebody else. Very real, very deep. Alot of depth. A few things I would correct:
And:
And:
And:
And:
Keep up the good work!
Doxie!! I love, love, love it! Especially because I know that you actually feel like this. It was beautifully done.
But I want you to know that there will be someone out there that will like you for who you are, believe me when I tell you I do. Every little quirk you have I like it. But someday there will be someone to tell you that you're beautiful just the way you are. You have to stop belittling yourself because if you do then others will do the same to you. You have to show them that you're likable because you're you and not because you're trying to become someone else.
Always remember that God made you like that because you have a purpose in life. You might be noisy, but you also bring life to the party. You have to forget about those pretty little girls who act like snobs and act as if they're all high and mighty because of their looks. Remember that a beautiful face is better with a kind heart. You're beautiful just the way you are. You don't have to change anything.
By the way, I loved this line. It tells a lot about the poem.
Great job!
Oh yes, I really liked this. It made me very sad. It's so very hard to love yourself for who you are, but, when you do, then others will see you for who you are, and accept you. But, just so you know, in the darkest of times, when you think no one cares, God will always be there for you.
When I'm feeling like I'm about to break, I open the Bible. It's all the comfort I need.
You are beautiful for who you are-- Inside is what really matters.
This was very good. I liked the amount of emotion that was poured into this. I loved it!
Welcome to YWS Doxxie! I hope you like it here.
First off, I would just like to say that I love what you've done here. It kind of broke my heart to read it, because just last year, I was the same way. I just want to let you know that there is hope and that things will get better - God was gracious enough to send me an angel to help me get out of my pit of depression and want to be like everyone else and tht angel helped me realize that in order to be happy, I just needed to be my wacky, crazy self and hang out with people who like me for me, not people I have to wear a mask in front of.
Then, this year, God helped me again by sending me another angel, a girl named Anna who has been a great friend and understands me more than anyone else seems to do, though she's four years older.
I just wanted to say this to you to let you know that once you stop trying to be like everyone else, they'll accept you and you'll fall into place with the people you belong with - or at least that's how it worked out for me.
Love and other things,
fictionfanatic
I love this poem (: I like this part the most ;
I enjoyed this poem because i could relate to it , I've said some things to myself like that .
Keep writing <3
-foreveralone .