Befor I die
I wanna fly across the sky
Before I die
I wanna experience true love with a guy
I wanna go out there in the world
Meet new people, so pearled
I wanna live the life I've always dreamed of:
Becoming a famous journalist cause I just cant get enough
Journalism is my thing
It's my so loved fling
I wanna be a risk taker
Meet face to face with danger
I wanna swim in the deep blue sea
Cause it gives me the sensation of being free
I wanna live by my own rules
And not that of fools
I wanna explore this life
And hold the world's most dangerous knife
I wanna go face to face with dictactors
And tell them that they're manipulators
I wanna live this life
To the fullest
Experience some strife
But still live at my best
I wanna have fun
Go out and chill with friends
Watch the last rays of the sun
Settling, in the arms of my true love before this world ends
And what about you?
What do you wanna do?
You have the power within you
To make your dreams come true
So all you have to do
Is believe in yourself 'cause you are you
Don't let anyone change the you
Show them that power in you
Make your dream come true !
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140,186 Literary Works • 673,039 Reviews
Try some different words. The rhyming does seem forced and you focused more on making words rhyme than making a poem.
It's a nice poem, don't get me wrong, needs a little tweeking. I don't like the word "wanna" but that's just me. The "wanna" stands out to me too much.
I think you've got a good theme here for your poem, but the rhyming seems a bit forced unfortunately.
-in these lines, I think ending in "you" repeatedly makes it a little painful to read, maybe changing it to:
Is believe in yourself
'cause you are who you are
Don't let anyone change that
Show them the power inside
.. hope that helps a bit.. and I notice the rhyming pattern where i've changed it doesnt follow yours though.. sorry about that.
I suggest trying different rhyming patterns as the one you have here can easily come off as forced, generally I find having a steady pace or beat with this pattern can make it flow nicer and easier to read:)
Keep at it!
-Layla Flame
Overall this poem is good but very . . . 'generic', in that it lacks style and creativity. I personally love poems with a twist. Poems which, when you read them you know only one poet could have written it. So overall, there's nothing wrong wtih it except its plainess.
This line seems a bit out of place. I don't know why but for me, it's spoiling the poems flowTo be honost, I expected more in the ending. The poems ending is (very sorry to say this) not well thought over. I bet you didn't spend enough creative energy in that ending.
Anyway, it's a good attempt.
Keep writing.