I Was Never Meant to be

Hey Doxie!! So, let me start off by saying that this poem is really emotional and I love the way you wrote it but there are some mistakes that I would like to point out. Believe me, this will help you in future essay and such. Now, I'll start.


So this is my life
I'm about to tell you
I'm gonna tell you all bout my strife - this would be better as the 'about' because 'bout' is a completely different word.
Bout all what i wish i could do - same here

I'm turning fourteen soon
But im so impatient to be twenty
And cause of this don't tell me i'm a loon - 'cause - the abbreviation for because
For my life now is horrible really - Don't forget to capitalize and the punctuations

I cant go out with friends
Cant party when i want to
And my parents dont seem to comprehend
That i need to be free, i have to - capitalize and punctuation

I'm not your average good looking teenage girl
I've got all these problems i can't deal with
Sometimes i just wanna hurl
Myself in a whole filled with depressive filth

I'm tired of this hell
I'm being forced to live in
I would give ANYTHING to hear a bell
From heaven where laughing out loud atleast ain't a sin - these are two different words

I would do ANNYTHING - single 'n'
To have better parents
Sure they love me...wait who am i bluffing
They just make my life hell...and without regrets

Sometimes it seems so tempting
To just pack all my valuable belongings

And just run away
Run and never look back, cause it would be a new day

Yeah right...
I'd never do that
I'm too scared to have to fight
my way through this life alone and that's a fact

You'll hearing me? - i think you mean 'you're' and not 'you'll'
This is what's been on my mind
i want to be FREE
Instead of being here due to a bind

Also, i wanna love
And be loved in return
I wanna soar in happiness like a dove
Who flies though he never learned

I wanna love someone so hard
I wanna wake up every morning
And look at my soulmate; not a retard - two different words
With love so unconditional so amazing
- and yeah, i know what you mean in this stanza. I like it.

You'll listening? - 'you're'
I'm looking for love at this age
While i should be concentrating
On other things more sage

I have a desequilibred mind - i don't think this is an English words
Cause i fall for guys too much
And sometimes i'm too blind
To observe them...to just watch

Yeah my only dream right now
Is to fall in love so deep
To have a lasting relationship somehow
Instead of being here...in this mess in shich i sleep - 'which'

I want to be truly loved
Regardless my awful apperance - appearance
I dont wanna have my heart shoved
In a depression pit though, cause that's a nuissance - nuisance

Love and you will be loved back
Does that phrase really belong in my life?
Cause in love my haste is slack
I just wanna end my story with a knofe - knife

I wanna die
Never have i wanted to that much
;D
And this aint no lie
Yeah cause i'm such - capitalization and punctuations

An awful person
Both mentally and physically
A wierd girl - weird
Cause im born this way: sooo sucky !

Overall, I love the story and the theme. Just work on the grammar and you'll be fine. Good luck and keep it up.

Your poem is whiny. Many poems are whiny. I don't mean to be rude, but I somewhat agree with the above reviews but yet at the same time I feel compelled to give you a virtual hug. People write upon their life experiences and I can see you may be going through a tough time where not everything may be exactly the way you want it to be, but life isn't perfect. Your poem isn't totally bad. There is potential like there is in nearly everything. Rhyming is quite difficult and you've managed to do that. With the emotions that fueled you to write this piece, you can use to write several short pieces with more description like some of the above reviews have suggested. Complain better. Tell us why it's not fair for you to not have the freedoms you would have at twenty. Add more depth to the poem so that readers can connect better. Also, please read over your poem and capitalize your "i"'s and where-ever else appropriate. Personally, as a reviewer I tend to respect authors less when they fail to do so by not proofreading which leads me to not read any other works they may have or post in the future. So basically complain better and win over our sympathy.

So this is my life
I'm about to tell you
I'm gonna tell you all bout my strife
'Bout all what I wish I could do

I'm turning fourteen soon
But I'm so impatient to be twenty
And 'cause of this don't tell me I'm a loon
For my life now is horrible really not the best rhyme

I can't go out with friends
Can't[/b party when [b] I want to
And my parents don't seem to comprehend
That I[/b need to be free, [b] I have to

I'm not your average goodgood sounds awkward here. Take it out, maybe? looking teenage girl
I've got all these problems I can't deal with
Sometimes I just wanna hurl
Myself in a whole filled with depressive filth

I'm tired of this hell
I'm being forced to live in
I would give ANYTHING to hear a bell
From heaven where laughing out loud at insert space least ain't a sin

I would do ANNYTHING
To have better parents
Sure they love me...wait who am I bluffing?!
They just make my life hell...and without regrets

Sometimes it seems so tempting
To just pack all my valuable belongings

And just run away
Run and never look back, cause it would be a new day

Yeah right...
I'd never do that
I'm too scared to have to fight
my way through this life alone and that's a fact

You'll hearing me?
This is what's been on my mind
I want to be FREE
Instead of being here due to a bind

Also, I wanna love
And be loved in return
I wanna soar in happiness like a dove
Who flies though he never learned

I wanna love someone so hard
I wanna wake up every morning
And look at my soulmate; not a retard sounds forced
With love so unconditional so amazing

You'll listening?
I'm looking for love at this age
While I should be concentrating
On other things more sage

I have a desequilibred mind
Cause I fall for guys too much
And sometimes I'm too blind
To observe them...to just watch

Yeah my only dream right now
Is to fall in love so deep
To have a lasting relationship somehow
Instead of being here...in this mess in shich I sleep

I want to be truly loved
Regardless my awful apperance
I dont wanna have my heart shoved
In a depression pit though, cause that's a nuissance

Love and you will be loved back
Does that phrase really belong in my life?
Cause in love my haste is slack
I just wanna end my story with a knife

I wanna die
Never have i wanted to that much
;D
And this isn't a lie
Yeah 'cause I'm such

An awful person
Both mentally and physically
A I'm girl
'Cause I'm born this way: sooo sucky ! forced rhyme and if I'm not mistaken," 'Cause I'm born this way" is from Lady Gaga's new song

Ahh Okaayyy.....What, you guys think it's like TOO morbid and um sad and all? Cause hum, if that's the case i would like to tell you that well not all poems are light and happy right? I mean a poem is about what the writer feels right? So yahh could you please enlighten me on that point? Thank you And also thanks for the review, it'll help me.

I agree with the above comment. This poem cannot be salvaged at all. It is one of those that reeks of teenage angst. The smell is putrid and overbearing. This was not a good poem by any means. I suggest you lock this poem to comments and make this poem invisible to others.

This is what is known in the business as navel gazing. This is because the poet is so completely and utterly self-absorbed that they just look at their own navel.

A way to test for navel gazing is to briefly attempt to summarize the poem. My particular effort is along the lines of:

"Woe is me, my life sucks. ANGST ANGST ANGST."

Unlike most poems, which can be improved upon by modifying the writing, navel gazing poems can not be salvaged. This is because the entire topic is cliche. You might find your trials and tribulations to be highly interesting, but most people are too busy with their own trials and tribulations to notice yours. I recommend placing this poem in a special folder; then forgetting all about it. A couple years down the line, you'll notice the folder, open the piece, and blush at the fact that you wrote it.

Another thing you can try is isolating one of these problems and writing a poem only on that. That has a better chance of connecting with readers.