He loved her.
She loved him.
They got together,
and lived happily ever after.
Wish "it" was that simple
Their love was insuperable,
but was disgraced by the society.
After all she was the princess and he a shoe shiner.
Still they fought, fought for their love.
Wish "love" was that simple.
Some said "their love will destroy them",
but they still loved each other
to infinity and back.
They were each other's 'forever and always'.
Wish "forever" was that simple.
When he was hurting. She cried.
When she was hurting. He cried.
They cried together,
mourning for their lost love story.
Wish their "story" was that simple.
Not everyone gets their happy ever after,
in fact that happens only in fairy tales.
In reality no one gets the love they crave,
the love they deserve.
Wish "happy ever after" was that simple.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Review time!
I can't exactly give a definite review on this since I am in a happy, healthy relationship but I will try! I agree with Moonwatcher. remove the it, it is not needed, maybe switch the last one with that one.
Secondly, it is inseparable.
This poem however, definitely conveys the feelings of a lost relationship, many of which I have had.
Thanx
Hey, Divergent Demigod.
This is Moonwatcher and I'll be your reviewer today.
First, I shall begin with the title. Alright, I get it. "I wish 'it' was that simple". Now the thing is, I understand you did this a lot in your poem, but I think putting quotation marks around the "it" isn't so necessary. You can't really put quotation marks around the "it" unless we know what "it" was. You don't really know what "it" is until after reading the poem.
Alright, the cliche love story. That's the first thing that comes into mind. That is until-
Well, alright. You added a twist. This is good. But again, you really shouldn't add quotation marks around the it. You're referring to the previous stanza as in it. But it is an it. The poem isn't a "he" or "she". You make it sound like that WASN'T an it.
And then there's this:
Well, was it "love"?
Well, was it "forever"?
Well, was it a "story"?
Well, was it "happily ever after"?
I think only half of those even make sense. Because their relationship certainly wasn't hate, and their relationship certainly was a story if you're writing a poem about it. I'm not so sure what you're trying to accomplish here, but it isn't really working.
Alright, as for the rest of everything, I don't know if I should call it cliche or unique. The topic here is love. This is pretty hard to write about nowadays, because almost everything sounds the same. This poem doesn't stand out so much compared to other love poems. But, you added in the line that came after each poem. Without those, the poem is somewhat plain and not very memorable.
Alright, I hope this review helped. Nice job, and keep on writing.
Hi, priceofwords here!
This work came across quite bittersweet, but was a joy to read all the same. Your rhythm is spot on, the topic covered well - many love stories don't end happily ever after, and people forget that sometimes.
I loved how you gave them the occupations of 'princess' and 'shoe shiner.' It makes me think of all the old fairy tales like Cinderella, where the poor serving girl falls in love with the rich Prince.
Some of the lines I particularly liked were,
'They were each other's forever and always.' This adds to the sweetness of the poem - gorgeous line.
'In reality no - one gets the love they crave,
the love they deserve.' One of the bitter lines in this piece - it gives the reader the feeling that the narrator has or knows someone who has endured heartbreak or disappointment with love. This evokes empathy, which is important in these types of works.
Just a few small things. You say their love was disgraced by 'the society.' When you phrase it like this it makes the word stand out as something more important. Maybe try using merely 'society' on its own, or if you want to be more specific, 'their society?' It's not a massive deal, it just stood out a little too much.
I would also say that I'm not entirely sure why each last line of each stanza is on the opposite side of the page. If there's a reason for it then fair enough; otherwise it's a little distracting and upsets the flow of the poem.
Then in the fourth stanza you say,
'When he was hurting. She cried.
When she was hurting. He cried.'
I'd strongly suggest replacing the extra full stops with commas, otherwise it's another upset to the flow of the poem.
Finally there's just a line in the last stanza,
'in fact that only happens in fairy tales.'
Here, you need to take out the 'in fact' - it's not really necessary. It would also fit in better with the syllable count in that stanza.
And that's all. Apart from the occasional small error, a very nice piece of work with a lot of promise. Be sure to keep up the writing, as I look forward to seeing what you produce in the future!