Young Writers Society

Hi there DivergentDemigod! Niteowl here to review this poem.

Overall, I think this piece has a strong focus. By zeroing in on a single moment, it feels both unique and relatable.

My main critique is related to grammar and other small things. The punctuation seems haphazard. Sometimes it doesn't exist where it should grammatically, and other times it's there when it shouldn't be, creating a comma splice (e.g. the comma at the end of the third line). In the interest of not wasting too much time on grammar, I'll leave you to check out Punctuation in Poetry and strongly consider punctuating like you would in prose (sentence punctuation). This is generally the easiest to read and makes your meaning the main focus of the piece. If you want more grammar help, let me know, but otherwise I'll move on.

Did you want this as much as I do?

I seemed to be asking silently.

I did it all on instinct,

regretting every passing millionth of every second

lots of possibilities running in my mind.

Staring intently at desk in front the desk in front of me .

But then you called my name,

rolling the 'R' in that cute way you always did,

and I could say,

it did affect you.

Maybe not as much as me

but it did.

Hey there! Alright I like the ideas you have here a lot; the beginning of a cute high school romance is pretty relatable to most, and I like how the female character made the first move. Girl power, woo! I like it!

Let's see: I get that your formatted this a specific way, but I'm not in love with how you presented the parts of the poems. The stanzas are fine, but I don't really like how you kept the individual lines. For example, the first two lines, to me at least, seems like they'd flow a lot better if they were all one line, since the length of the lines really varied throughout the poem.
In addition, some of your lines seem really awkwardly worded, including the first two lines as well.

"Your nails were untrimmed and dirty,
but I didn't care at that moment."

Even that way, still being in two lines, it seems to flow a lot better, at least to me.

In addition, the lines "your hands a bit calloused at the ends but soft otherwise" and "my hands brought than the average girl's in your even bigger ones" seemed to be too wordy, and felt too long. I'm not sure why you didn't separate these two lines like you did with other ones, but I think that you'd better cutting down some of the words to make it a simpler idea. Such as "your soft hands and calloused fingers" or "my small, girly hands in your larger ones." It's a little easier to understand the lines themselves, and to keep the poem flowing.

Also, I think you typed in the fourth line, "all I wanted to do was grab it" should be read as "all I wanted to do was grab them."

Overall though, I really like this poem! It's really cute! I hope this review helped a little at least!

Hello! herbgirl here for a review!
i'll start off by saying i think i can relate to you on this poem. Hand-holding is very significant to me due to events that have occurred rather recently, so i was rather delighted to come across this sweet little poem detailing what my mind has been on lately. Now, since i think i might understand the emotions you are trying to transmit here, let me give you a little advice.

Your nails were untrimmed

dirty even, but I didn't care.

Maybe not as much as me

but it did.