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My only question is why

by CharlotteS

I'm looking for answers, I don't know what to say,

I thought I knew you then but that's not today.

You said you would be my best friend,

Said you would never let me go, not until the end.

I don't understand why you can't seem to talk

Why you always walk

Away when I ask you if you are fine?

I still remember a time where you said you were mine

But now you just worry me

Because I don't know what's happened to you lately.

I write poem after poem, rap after rap

You say you can hear but you never listen to that.

It's like you don't want to hang out anymore

You are creating wounds and they are sore.

You said you don't put pics with girls on your status cos you get teased

Then post a photo of you and a girl, give me a break, please.

You are still hurting me with the way you text, no emotion

Then when you speak, still no emotion.

I know you have things to go through

But I'm missing you

I just want to know what happened to our friendship

It's like you don't want to admit

That there is something else that you won't tell me

Did I change? Am I not who I used to be.

You always hang out with my twin when we get together

And your excuse is that you confused me and her.

We don't look the same I know that's a lie

My only question is why? 

Is this a review?



Random avatar

Points: 121
Reviews: 4

Fri Aug 18, 2017 2:11 pm
tsps0825 wrote a review...

I really like this, but I feel like there isn't enough emotion in it. I totally get that there is sadness in it, but there could be more imagery describing the emotion you felt. Plus, the part about you and your twin confused me a little. All together this was an amazing poem, and I felt really captivated in the first part of it.

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119 Reviews

Points: 4497
Reviews: 119

Thu Aug 03, 2017 9:32 pm
InfiniteRectangles wrote a review...

This review is brought to you by InfiniteRectangles

Hello, InfiniteRectangles here with a review for you!

The first thing I noticed about this poem was the rhyme scheme. You did a good job of keeping the rhyme scheme consistent, but as a result it sounded forced in some places. It sounded like you only worded it that way for the sake of keeping the rhyme scheme consistent, which makes your poem sound choppy.

You said you don't put pics with girls on your status cos you get teased

This line was too long. It disrupted the flow a bit.

Overall, the poem was good and your message was clear, but the rhyme scheme could use a little work. If you're going to make a poem rhyme it is good to make the rhyme scheme sound as natural as possible as forced rhymes disrupt the flow and are obvious to the reader. I liked how the poem ended with a question, and I also like how the last line was also the title.

That's it for this review. Keep writing and have a wonderful day/night!

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29 Reviews

Points: 103
Reviews: 29

Thu Aug 03, 2017 4:36 pm
deleted1967 wrote a review...

Dear CharlotteS,

Hi, my name is Bailey. This is a really nice poem, not too shabby. I like how it's rhymed, but I think that with such a mixture of rhymed and not rhymed lines, it comes off a little choppy. I only say that because the unrhymed lines seem to be more noticeable because of the lines that ARE rhymed. Does that make sense?

It's a personal poem, as I read from your summary, and it's obvious how much you are struggling with this. I'm not here to give you advice, I know. But, I can understand what you mean. And the fact that you wrote this poem ("poem after poem, rap after rap") is really nice. I can tell that you care about the guy.

I just want to say that his excuses are foul. He says he couldn't tell the difference between you and your twin and that's why he hangs out with her more? Please. I just want to say, as a personal note, that he sounds like a dick.

I like how you ended the poem, though. Ending a poem with the title is like an "Oh!" moment for the readers. Or is it titling the poem with the end line...? I'm not sure. It doesn't really matter anyhow.

Anyways, overall, your poem sounds very nice. It's very interesting, and I love how personal it is. It's intriguing and engaging because the reader knows that it is about something dear to you.

I'll try to keep my eye out for your name in the green room in the future. Good luck with that boy, by the way. I hope you can work things out.

Have a good day/night!!!

Sincerely, Bailey Matwiiw

CharlotteS says...

hey! Thanks for the review. He's not a dick, he's just a bit I dunno. It's like he doesn't want to be my friend again.

deleted1967 says...

Well, he should figure it out. It sounds like you deserve to be treated fairly. If he's just going to keep avoiding you, I think you should confront him. He can't run from you forever. ://

CharlotteS says...

yeah. I've tried to confront him a lot. he just walks away or leaves our chat.

deleted1967 says...

That's dumb. Ugh, boys.

CharlotteS says...

Yep. My sentiments exactly.

Goos are anarchists.
— WeepingWisteria