I'm looking for answers, I don't know what to say,
I thought I knew you then but that's not today.
You said you would be my best friend,
Said you would never let me go, not until the end.
I don't understand why you can't seem to talk
Why you always walk
Away when I ask you if you are fine?
I still remember a time where you said you were mine
But now you just worry me
Because I don't know what's happened to you lately.
I write poem after poem, rap after rap
You say you can hear but you never listen to that.
It's like you don't want to hang out anymore
You are creating wounds and they are sore.
You said you don't put pics with girls on your status cos you get teased
Then post a photo of you and a girl, give me a break, please.
You are still hurting me with the way you text, no emotion
Then when you speak, still no emotion.
I know you have things to go through
But I'm missing you
I just want to know what happened to our friendship
It's like you don't want to admit
That there is something else that you won't tell me
Did I change? Am I not who I used to be.
You always hang out with my twin when we get together
And your excuse is that you confused me and her.
We don't look the same I know that's a lie
My only question is why?
I really like this, but I feel like there isn't enough emotion in it. I totally get that there is sadness in it, but there could be more imagery describing the emotion you felt. Plus, the part about you and your twin confused me a little. All together this was an amazing poem, and I felt really captivated in the first part of it.
Hello, InfiniteRectangles here with a review for you!
The first thing I noticed about this poem was the rhyme scheme. You did a good job of keeping the rhyme scheme consistent, but as a result it sounded forced in some places. It sounded like you only worded it that way for the sake of keeping the rhyme scheme consistent, which makes your poem sound choppy.
You said you don't put pics with girls on your status cos you get teased
Dear CharlotteS,
Hi, my name is Bailey. This is a really nice poem, not too shabby. I like how it's rhymed, but I think that with such a mixture of rhymed and not rhymed lines, it comes off a little choppy. I only say that because the unrhymed lines seem to be more noticeable because of the lines that ARE rhymed. Does that make sense?
It's a personal poem, as I read from your summary, and it's obvious how much you are struggling with this. I'm not here to give you advice, I know. But, I can understand what you mean. And the fact that you wrote this poem ("poem after poem, rap after rap") is really nice. I can tell that you care about the guy.
I just want to say that his excuses are foul. He says he couldn't tell the difference between you and your twin and that's why he hangs out with her more? Please. I just want to say, as a personal note, that he sounds like a dick.
I like how you ended the poem, though. Ending a poem with the title is like an "Oh!" moment for the readers. Or is it titling the poem with the end line...? I'm not sure. It doesn't really matter anyhow.
Anyways, overall, your poem sounds very nice. It's very interesting, and I love how personal it is. It's intriguing and engaging because the reader knows that it is about something dear to you.
I'll try to keep my eye out for your name in the green room in the future. Good luck with that boy, by the way. I hope you can work things out.
Have a good day/night!!!
Sincerely, Bailey Matwiiw
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