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Heroes never really die

by CharlotteS


Jenny looked at the grave stone in front of her. Poppies had been laid in front of it and there were many other people gathered around various other grave stones. Jenny could see all the letters she had laid underneath a slab of tile over the years. Sighing bravely, she pulled another letter from her bag. Taking another deep breath she began to read,

"Dear Dad, I turned 18 yesterday. They told me how you died. How you didn't leave the guns even though you had been wounded several times. How you refused to let the enemy pass so that your little girl could live in a world without having to worry about being alive tomorrow. So I wrote you another letter. All my letters thus far have been all about my life and how I miss you. This one will be the same but different.

I joined a group that raises awareness for soldiers who have done more than asked to save this world. The unappreciated ones who are buried in hole on foreign ground. Like you.   I have a boyfriend now, he is in the army as well. He hopes he can live up to your standard...." Jenny's voice caught as she tried not to cry. Taking a shaky breath she continued,

"I'm writing a paper for history about heroes. And I'm writing about the men on the battlefield who died. But I'm saying that real heroes never actually die. They live on in the medals, the memories, the photos and the letters that their family still have. Because the heroes aren't the ones who survived. The real heroes are the ones who gave their lives so others could live. Those who refused to leave the side of a fallen comrade, those who wouldn't let the enemy kill a stranger. Those who were branded a coward for not wanting to kill man and yet were killed in cold blood. My main point is that heroes never really die. Sometimes I can still see your smile or hear your laugh. Because you are a hero and you never really will die in my memory.

I cried when I turned 18 because you weren't there so I could be. I love you daddy, and swear to always keep your memory alive in my mind."

Jenny wiped the tears that were falling, like a rain storm, from her eyes. She laid the letter under the slab and dropped the poppies in front of the grave stone. The she turned to live her life. The life her father had died to give her.


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Sat Jul 01, 2017 12:28 am
Hijinks wrote a review...



Hi CharlotteS!
This made me tear up. You know a stories good when you feel emotions from reading. It's easy to do that in a movie, but not quite so easy in a book. I have NO criticism, actually, but I just want to say, I'm so happy you included those who refused to kill and were called cowards as heroes. I can't tell you how much I agree. Keep writing! You definitely can write :)




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Wed Jun 28, 2017 1:00 pm
Elijah wrote a review...



Hey there, Eli here for a review!

This was so emotional that I felt like crying. Emotional stories like this will forever make me feel the feels thanks to their realistic concept and all of these emotions put into them. No way I can not be moved by such a work. You are right that heros never die, they will forever live in us, the ones they have saved.

I have no complains when it comes to your content, the way you have described your feelings towards a lost parents. It really shows the reader it is not a fake imaginary story but something real. I love the fact that you add to the letter more smaller details about the life of the daughter, not only the obvious things, but her thoughts and what she is doing, a bit of her life that a father would be interested to hear about their child.


This one will be the same but different.

I can tell that you are trying to say this letter will be different but also similar to the ones that she previously wrote but the way it is said in this sentence, I do not know, does not look so great. It is like saying the dress is short but long. Makes no sense right? But you can correct that by just adding 'a bit different' maybe or something alike. This way it is different but also like the others. Just slightly different.


I have a boyfriend now, he is in the army as well.

I noticed there is a lots of space before this sentence. Shorten it.


I cried when I turned 18 because you weren't there so I could be.

I could be what? You could not be 18 because he is not there? It is kind of confusing or the sentence is just not finished.

Keep on writing!




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Mon Jun 26, 2017 8:31 pm
RishabhParmar wrote a review...



Wow,

I love reviewing because of work you all bring in YWS. Wow, Nice work. I sensed every emotions of jenny. I considered my self jenny. "I am jenny. It is my story." Nice work. What an emotional story. My family members are also fighting for nation's piece but O'hell! these politicians have ruined everything. The more politics get stronger the more soldiers will die. But as jenny said Heroes never die. They live in the memories of their loved ones. I can understand the story very well as I have seen all this very closely. How a soldier dies and how he sacrificed his life to save people who are sleeping with no worries. I am too a civilian, I wrote a non fiction. I can sense the agony of their family members. Although My feelings rose after reading your story. Awesome work by you.


I loved many lines. Those lines are as follows:

1. I loved the starting of the letter. "Dear Dad, I turned 18 yesterday."

It was so good how she tells her daddy that she turned 18. I loved the way.

2. "How you refused to let the enemy pass so that your little girl could live in a world without having to worry about being alive tomorrow."
While reading the letter my efficacy and emotions went up when I read this line. So mighty!
What an emotional touch! I loved it. What a hunky-dory mindset you have. What an antithetic thought process. So different. I love reading different stuff.

3. "All my letters thus far have been all about my life and how I miss you. "

Another emotional line. "I miss you" I sensed the true emotions. Why am I going too deep in reviewing? Because I really liked it, simple.

4. "I have a boyfriend now, he is in the army as well. He hopes he can live up to your standard...."
Most joyous line I have ever read. She told her dad about her boyfriend, it caught my attention, as how she relate her boyfriend with her dad. Both are good soldiers. She was happy.
5. Third paragraph was crucial for reading. You showed better difference. I loved the way you achieved it.


There are so many lines i liked. I wanted to reprint all the lines in my review but it is not legal reviewing.

While reading I could connect my feelings with every word and emotion.

I also agree with you that heroes never die. Whether he or she is a soldier, or works in other profession. When he or she saves lives of billions, they live forever in the heart of gazillions.

At the end I loved your story and I hope to read more good stuff from you. Keep it up.

:)




CharlotteS says...


Wow, thank you!



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Mon Jun 26, 2017 3:12 pm
BluesClues wrote a review...



Hi there!

So first I'm going to echo Biscuits: it would help if we saw more of what Jenny's life is like outside of this. Even more so, I think we'd feel a lot more during her letter if we knew more about her dad, other than the fact that he was a soldier who sacrificed his life. What was he like at home? What were his interests? What are some specific memories Jenny has of him, as opposed to things she's heard about his service?

You could include information like this in the letter, or we could see Jenny remember it before, during, or after her reading.

Then there was this.

Because the heroes aren't the ones who survived. The real heroes are the ones who gave their lives so others could live.


Bit harsh on the survivors, isn't it? Saying the REAL heroes are the ones who died? I mean, everyone accepts that the soldiers who die are heroes, because they "made the ultimate sacrifice" and whatnot. The ones who survive and eventually return to civilian life are already dealing with PTSD and adjusting to being normal people again - that's hard enough without thinking people are saying they're not heroic enough just because a bullet happened to hit their buddies and not them.

I'm not saying you have to cut that line, I'm just letting you know how I feel about it.

Anyway, I think that's it for me. I liked finding out that Jenny is working as part of a group to raise awareness, but I'm curious about that. Does the group try to convince politicians to make peace, to spare the lives of soldiers who might otherwise die in future wars? Do they try to help living veterans adjust to civilian life, receive counseling for PTSD, and find jobs and housing? Or is the group just about commemorating soldiers who have died? Sorry, I'm just having trouble moving off that topic, I guess - because soldiers who have died are often honored, while those left alive who are released from the army are left to drift on their own, and it's really hard on them.

ANYWAY AGAIN sorry. I also like that you made Jenny's boyfriend a soldier - she's obviously very proud of him but at the same time is scared of losing him, too, which really adds to this because she's already talking to someone she lost this way. On that note, does she still have a mom? And how does her mom feel about all this? Has she left letters, or is it too painful for her to visit? Or is she also in the army? You don't NEED to put that in the story, either, but it might be a nice thing to hint at.

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Mon Jun 26, 2017 2:33 pm
ExOmelas wrote a review...



Hello there, welcome to my quest to do Green Room reviews so I can catch up to Nikayla quicker :P

Nit-picks and nice moments:

in front of her. Poppies had been laid in front of it

Repetition of "in front" is a wee bit jarring.

Sighing bravely, she pulled another letter from her bag. Taking another deep breath she began to read,

Not really sure how someone would sigh bravely, repetition a bit of an issue again.

buried in a hole on foreign ground


not wanting to kill man

Either kill a man or kill men I think.

Overall:

I know it's a short story, but I think this might be a bit too short. I don't really learn that much about Jenny's life before the emotion starts in earnest, so it's hard to invest in her. It would help if I'd seen a scene or two of her life and her relationship with other people so that I could feel more about her. Or maybe have her walking towards the gravestone thinking about how hard life was, so that the decision to go out and live it has more weight.

However, if this is for school or something and you have a strict word limit, I think you have done well with limited resources. Maybe a bit more about her feelings at the beginning, but the words within the letter are really sweet and seem extremely heartfelt. It might work slightly better as a slightly longer letter just on its own in that case, since the context is pretty clear from the letter and the bits round about it don't necessarily add that much to the main emotional content. That's not to say her crying wasn't helpful though, the image of a storm was very powerful.

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)





The very worst use of time is to do very well what need not be done at all.
— Benjamin Tregoe