Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
I watched in despair as he left. Rain dripped slowly from the porch roof, dripping like the tears that were escaping from my eyes.
We had met at a youth group a mere year ago. He was my age, tall and blonde. His hair was soft and his eyes sharp and a deep sea blue. He was muscular but gentle and his smile lit up his face. We hit it off immediately, talking about anything and everything. We had been friends for 3 months when he asked me out. I said yes. We were passionate about each other and were never seen apart. We did everything together and he bought me gifts on a weekly basis. It was like a small flame turned into a forest fire. But all fires burn out if no one gives it more fuel. That's what happened to us. He didn't feed the fire and I ran out of fuel. We had been dating for 9 months. Then, on our anniversary, he told me he had met another girl. They had been texting while, hanging out every weekend and he didn't love me anymore. And just like that the fire sizzled to a stop.
Okay,,,..this is an interesting little conundrum that we're being introduced to. I feel like this isn't really meant to be a scene or really any part of a story per see unless its an extract of a flashback perhaps. The way this piece is constructed seems very much like we have the protagonist just simply telling everyone a bit of a story there and its an interesting little tale, and there is some proper emotion buried in there but I am wondering where you're trying to go with this here, because it seems more of a summary of a story than anything else.
He left a year ago. Sometimes I see him on the street with the girl he left me for. I hope he is happy because I am now. I met another guy who is deeply in love with me. He has healed me and covered the deep scars of hurt with the gentle touch of love. He has deep, searching brown eyes and black hair. He isn't the most muscular person I have ever met but that doesn't matter to me. He has told me everyday I have known him that he loves me. He warned me about my last boy friend. It took me a year to realize that the love I needed had been standing right in front of me the whole time. But more importantly, above all else, he is in love with God. He treats me like a queen when all I asked for was to be a princess.
Okay...so that ended a lot better than I was expecting. I was thinking this would continue in the vein of emotion it dredged up at the start there and perhaps capitalize on the negatives that have been haunting us. Instead it seems we have a happy ending and as someone who loves those, I can't quite complain, but also I feel like this confirms the story summary idea...so I don't know if that's what you were going for, but it is what this happens to be. It sounds like it could make for a pretty compelling story if you expanded on it properly and a story I'd read, but right now, this piece itself sounds just like a bit of a plot summary and not really a story.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Anyway that was amazing. Please write more, I want to have these feels again.
This is all that I can say when I see you story.It's simply beautiful. The most amazing part was that it didn't end the way the reader would actually expect..because that's how most of the stories end up,like the boy and girl realize their love and get back together or either way that the girl see's the boy with another girl and gives up on her life..But your story is way different than any common one.The ultimate twist in the story is what gives it it's special and unique portrayal.The description part is really beautiful..it forces you into imagination and actually gets the reader into a fast mode of thinking of how the story would end. But it's great that you've managed to give the readers a complete different view and actually an ending that is really unexpected!
Points: 253363
Reviews: 4096
Donate