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A fighter

by Apehdavid2, David


Big appetite with a weak stomach

Women , money and fancy car park

Like I said big appetite

I try to stop being loose

I have to grind tight

Let me shed more light

I'm still broke

I don't have money

Looking at my wallet

God am I a joke?

I just stare at my ceiling all day

Well look it's the sun shining

I tell myself I have to make Hay

Everyone asking how're you

What else aside

Aside I'm okay

I'm not trying to make this sad at all

I'm always in my head

And I get the same voice

"You will fall"

I'm here with my ball

Acting like a thug

Yes, I'm hard I don't crack

That's what they think

Meanwhile I just need a hug

I try hard my brain can't afford another rack

Maybe I'm just a log

I'm just trying to be better

Look at all this compositions

I'm not a writer

Always it's me and my demons

You can say I'm a fighter


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10 Reviews

Points: 83
Reviews: 10

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Tue Oct 19, 2021 2:09 pm
Caiteb says...



Hey its Caite swinging by with a review. I love the 21st modern-style you took on it. The flow could be a little better I would fix some of your sentences check your spelling. Overall the ideal and the message is amazing. I think if you stick to writing and give it time you will succeed keep up the great work.




User avatar
10 Reviews

Points: 83
Reviews: 10

Donate
Tue Oct 19, 2021 2:09 pm
Caiteb wrote a review...



Hey its Caite swinging by with a review. I love the 21st modern-style you took on it. The flow could be a little better I would fix some of your sentences check your spelling. Overall the ideal and the message is amazing. I think if you stick to writing and give it time you will succeed keep up the great work.




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313 Reviews

Points: 25820
Reviews: 313

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Mon Sep 06, 2021 9:19 am
EllieMae wrote a review...



Thanks for writing :) I enjoyed writing your piece.

Sounds very lyrical, like a rap. It sounds very much like it is flowing down a river. It’s nice and smooth and just flows quite well.

I think what I like most about this piece is the freestyle feel of the writing. Thanks for writing! I hope you have a great day/night! Thank you so much!

Ellie




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36 Reviews

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Sun Sep 05, 2021 6:49 pm
JohnKlue wrote a review...



Okay I will preface this by saying that I am not personally a fan of rhyme poetry, It always feels constricting to me.

But this is a good poem.

"Big appetite with a weak stomach

Women , money and fancy car park

Like I said big appetite".
The first line is ridiculously relatable. To feel hungry yet also nauseas and you draw the comparison between this feeling and feelings of lust and greed, people want these things but they are not ready to have them.
"I try to stop being loose

I have to grind tight

Let me shed more light

I'm still broke

I don't have money

Looking at my wallet

God am I a joke?" Mournings are usually the worst but as the day goes on you feel better so you can end the day on a high note.

"I just stare at my ceiling all day

Well look it's the sun shining

I tell myself I have to make Hay

Everyone asking how're you

What else aside

Aside I'm okay

I'm not trying to make this sad at all

I'm always in my head

And I get the same voice

"You will fall" "
This poem very much carries themes of depression and anxiety. Witch are usually worst in the mornings. Because they are the start of a new day new worries. And you gotta get ready for the day.
"I'm here with my ball

Acting like a thug

Yes, I'm hard I don't crack

That's what they think

Meanwhile I just need a hug

I try hard my brain can't afford another rack

Maybe I'm just a log

I'm just trying to be better

Look at all this compositions

I'm not a writer

Always it's me and my demons

You can say I'm a fighter"

Now something I appreciate about this poem is unlike most people who write about their self doubt. You actually seem to cut yourself some slack. You acknowledge that you are a fighter.

Yet you don't acknowledge that you are a writer?

How thought-provoking this is.





worlds buzz over us like bees, / we be splendid in new bones.
— Lucille Clifton