I wonder who you thought
You were talking too
Was it a reflection of your past
Or a glimmer of the future
Was it a image that haunts you
Or a fantasy.
This wasnt meant to be
Few and far between
Are the men that
Are honest, and good
Guess you never cought
That drift.
You never saw
Who I would be
You left while you still could
Walked away from the responsibility
Walked right out that fucking damn door
Guess you never looked back
Into the baby crib
Or into the eyes of me
Just walked right out
Left your heart at the door
But still kept the dream alive.
Still fallowed
Every girl you saw
Never stopped to think
Who did I leave behind
Because you never cared
You never knew
You never even had a glimpse of my life
Funny how its so easy
To leave all your responsibilities
Like forgetting to feed the dog when its late
Or turning off the lights,
But yours,
Was walking out on everyone
And never fucking looking back,
Heres a mirror.
See what you missed.
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Okay, so I'm going to write this review as I read so I can be sure to catch everything, okay? Here goes!
Okay, the lines "Was it a image that haunts you/Or a fantasy." has a couple of problems I'd like to address. It should be "Was it an image that haunts you/Or a fantasy?"
Make sure to put an apostrophe in "wasn't."
Actually, that whole stanza doesn't quite make sense to me.
"This wasnt meant to be
Few and far between
Are the men that
Are honest, and good
Guess you never caught
That drift."
I think you meant it to be more like this:
"This wasn't meant to be.
Few and far between
Are the men that
Are honest and good.
Guess you never caught
That drift."
Just be careful about your punctuation; it can completely change the meaning of what you're trying to say.
Are the cuss words really necessary? When I started reading this, it sounded more strong and thoughtful and reflective. Adding the swear words just makes it seem angry and it immediately loses the beauty you'd built into it. Anyway, I guess those are my thoughts; beware of punctuation and I really think you ought to consider substituting the swear words with something else. I really like what you're trying to say, it just needs some refining.
it was suppose to be angry, i was left by my father. this was my poem to him i guess.