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139,481 Literary Works • 672,576 Reviews
Now were in debt. -- we're
I noticed you capitalize every line, it looks better if you don't. There is also a few capitalization errors in each line, with 'Woulda', 'Coulda', and 'Shoulda', they don't really need to have a capital letter to start them.
Ex:
I would of never slammed the door,
for just one more night in your arms,
There is also some odd punctuation in the piece, that doesn't fit with how you have written your lines. As with above, it has a comma, but the next stanza doesn't really fit for it to be written that way.
I wonder if, -- I wonder if I,
Shoulda, Coulda,Woulda -- should'a- could'a- would'a-
Could of made you stay. -- could have made you stay.
Might flow better that way, play around with punctuation and see what works for you.
Other than that, you did a great job with describing things in your poem. Keep on writing
-Spotted