Typical Love Poem

Hero here,

Okay so, i don't really like this. Its because you explain the thoughts of the story but don't tell it. There is no imagry or anything that actually gives us anything other then lovey dovey words that honestly look like you tried way to hard.

And the bigger problem is that you do this; On the other end of the tunnel.

Why do you use over-used cliche phrases, its not impressive and I doubt even you feel any emotional significance to this.

I hope you understand,

hero

Hey there Amberchelli, I'm Graham and I'm going to do a quick review for you!

First off i was initally drawn in to read this by your description, "a love poem with a twist" Although Do agree with the love poem part, I am not too sure about the twist. But nevertheless i still really liked your poem either way. I'm going to start with my two favorite stanzas
"You are my soulmate.

My love.

My mind.


You show me the beauty

Of the open heart and mind.

The honor of love.

The strength of trust.

The unbreakable bond we attain."

What is really great about these two stanzas is the literal truth behind them. They offer such insight to your feelings and what you have learned about love. I also really liked how you structured your sentences in the second of these stanzas. Making "The honor of love." "the Strength of trust." and "the unbreakable bond we attain." all separate sentences it really adds emphasis to each of the ideas, and it is very good use of varying syntax.

There are some contradicting ideas within this poem though. For example the line
"You are my love.

My Achilles heel" and

"You are my strength

On my weakest, darkest days."

I'm not sure if this paradoxical situation was on purpose to symbolize forever shifting nature of love but I just thought i would point it out.

Overall Though this poem was very well written and I enjoyed it very much! As always, write on my friend, write on!

Cheers!
Graham

Hey there .
Yes, you're right. It is a typical love poem, but wait! It's not. Why? First of all, you described everything in your own words, your own emotions and your own narrative ideas. It sounded great really. Your choice of words were well-thought of and there were no grammatical or spelling errors. You had your own way of expressing yourself and I wonder if there's any inspiration for this.
The two things I noticed about your poem are the misplaced punctuation marks, there's a lot actually. It causes ideas to come out as fragments. Second, when you used words that are somewhat deep or rarely used, it makes the readers remember those words more and when you used it again, it would sound redundant. But eventually, your poem came out great! Keep it up!

Amberchelli,

It was a nice poem, but I don't see where the twist is. I also believe there are a few incorrectly placed periods somewhere in there, but they shouldn't be too bothersome.

I'd like to point out that you use several words more than necessary (whether on purpose or accident, I don't know). Bond, for example, caught my eye. I love the way you used it the first time when you said "the unbreakable bond that will always remain," but the second time you repeated it, saying "the unbreakable bond we attain."

Again, I don't know whether you WANTED to repeat it. If you did, then that would make a lot of sense to me. But if you didn't, I would advise a different wording.

Overall, I do like the poem. The title was great because it really was a typical love poem. The description could use some work, because I still don't know where the twist is. Help?

-Dark