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1st grade boy

by AkuRashomon


I was in 1st grade and in my old school, I saw a boy. He got all the charms in the world, physically and mentally. He had piercing green eyes, tangled black curls, and a calm yet mysterious grin. He wore thin silver glasses and a cool puffed up jacket. He looked like all my crushes I have recently. Probably because I have a type. Young and innocent, I was enchanted to meet a young lad. Yeah, I was delusional over him for years and I just saw him once in my life. I am never going to meet this boy ever again. But we are still going to talk about him anyway.

In the opposite corner of the classroom, he was sitting elegantly, holding a sharp-edged pencil. Mom and Dad praised me for passing the exam I did, but they never knew I wasn’t focused on it but this wonder boy I saw while doing it. As a young girl, my world was slow but it got slower when I stared at those green eyes. We glanced at each other from time to time, even at times where our eyes meet. All of the other students expected me to look at their answers on the test papers but my main focus was the boy.

I was staying away from him because I approached him, my feelings for him would be worse. But then he approached me and my feelings for him got worse. He asked if I was doing great, and he asked if we would share our snacks. He liked the superhero Spider-man, cereals separated from his milk, puffy jackets,turtlenecks and trench coats, basketball, and playing the guitar no matter how big it is compared to him. He said he wanted to be friends with me, but he never knew what my name was and I never knew what his name was. I thought we were friends and that we could meet each other again. But it never happened.

He made me delusional, telling me that my braids were the most beautiful thing he had seen that day. The other kids bullied me for not having Disney backpacks like them but the boy defended me. He told them that you don’t have to have a crazy design of your favorite movie on your backpack and you don’t have to expect someone to have the same interest as you. He is not just charming but he has a brain and he is a gentleman. They also bullied me for being left-handed and he told them that people like me are smart. But they are still so insecure of me and him so he just told me not to care about them and just talk to him for now. They only say those things because they want to know something from you and destroy you, and that they want attention from you too.

Gentle and kind, he opened a straw for me and picked up my eraser when I dropped it. With just the bare minimum, I became super delusional for him. I would see my future with him, married with three kids, in those eyes. We were supposed to exchange numbers of our moms but we didn’t remember their numbers but then it was time to leave. We just hugged and thought we could meet each other again. But for years, I was already out of the school where we met and a pandemic started, I still haven’t met him again. That day we met, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. In the long, long car rides to the mall and back home, everything I saw reminded me of him. He was on my mind all day long.

On one summer vacation where I swam, I wondered if he liked swimming. And when I showered I sang that one song that reminded me of him. As soon as I had another exam for second grade, I thought I would see him again but I didn’t. Even in third, fourth, and fifth grade. I was sad and tired of looking for him. What if he is just a silly dream I had? He isn’t something you see every day. Most of the men mentioned in the internet are mean and rude. The other boys my age I meet in real life are also similar. They are a few kind ones but they are still way different for the boy.

I want to meet him again so bad. But he’s just like those celebrities I have a big crush on. All of my crushes have these character traits: gentle, sweet, kind, likes sports, and pretty weird. All of them have met the unrealistic standards I have for men. But why do I desperately want to see this one again? Because we have similar ages and all those celebrities are 10 years older than me? And that I am attached to this boy and he knows me. My other crushes are fictional or 10 years older than me, and they do not know who I am.

He was a great friend and someone that is worth trusting. The problem is that I can see my future with him and three kids in those green eyes and we meet at the wrong time. Both of us met each other not knowing a single thing about love because we were young and innocent little children. Another problem is that a pandemic started and I am not in that school anymore [I mean the school was incompetent] but I wanted to still see him again. I also didn’t at least get his name. All I remember is his face and his actions. I remember everything he did and everything he was to me. I hope he never changes. I hope I meet this gorgeous boy again, but this time, we are old enough to understand what the real world is like. But if I don’t, he will just stay as a painful memory. 


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Stickied -- Sat Jul 08, 2023 2:43 pm
AkuRashomon says...



Did you guys know the girl I am talking about is...me?




Kaia says...


I figured that, but I didn't want to assume XD.



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Sat Jul 08, 2023 1:43 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hi loveissourgrapes!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

This was a really sweet story that perfectly captured the feverish excitement and thrill of developing one's first crush. I love how from the very beginning of the story, we can understand how involved the narrator is - the way she portrays her crush suggests that her view of him was more than a little rose-tinted. It seemed to me that her rush was the main character of her life and this story as well - and that is just a really good representation of how a first crush can become too consuming.

The way you have framed the narration, with the narrator addressing us directly at times and telling us these little details about her crush made me feel as though I was reading something deeply personal, almost like a journal entry. I felt almost as involved as the narrator and you did a good job in making us feel connected to her.

I also liked that despite the story being all about the crush, in the end we don't get a happily ever after where everything aligns and they are together. Because that is not how it works in the real life. The fact that circumstances got in between them and they weren't able to see each other again hits a realistic note because they are children becoming teenagers and first crushes almost always just remain as a fond memory. The fact that the narrator still thinks about him is a little bittersweet and it made me like the ending a little more.

While, I really enjoyed the story, there was a lot of 'telling' instead of 'showing' in some cases. For example, your use of the word 'delusional' to describe the narrator's crush.

Yeah, I was delusional over him for years and I just saw him once in my life.

He made me delusional, telling me that my braids were the most beautiful thing he had seen that day.

With just the bare minimum, I became super delusional for him.

Here are three instances where you use that word. And while I like the idea behind it (that the narrator was young and deluded by her first crush), I think this would have worked better if you had shown us her delusion and fascination instead of telling us directly. For example, the part where she imagines her future with their children - I though that was a really great way to show how involved she is and how far she has already gone in her imagination.

He is not just charming but he has a brain and he is a gentleman.

Now this is just me, but I personally think that everything regarding the boy should be in the past tense because the narrator was recalling a rush she had in the first grade. She may still have that crush on him, but everything that happened and her opinions and observations about him were also in the past, so here I think the past tense would be more appropriate.

Some sentences were also a little difficult to follow. For example:
The problem is that I can see my future with him and three kids in those green eyes and we meet at the wrong time.

The second part of the sentence, 'and we meet at the wrong time' felt like a part of a different sentence to me. It made me pause and reread the part again because I felt like I missed something, which disrupted the flow for me. Maybe you could reframe it into something like: "...I can see my future with him and three kids in those green eyes, but however, we met at the wrong time." Totally up to you, though! You could have been implying something else as well.

Overall, this was a lovely story and that second last line really hit a cord with me. Thanks for sharing it with us!

Keep writing and have a great day/night!

~RandomTalks




AkuRashomon says...


thank you! I'll fix that later, when I have time c:



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Sat Jul 08, 2023 1:20 pm
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alpacaboss wrote a review...



Hello! Ah the sorrows that usually come with first love. It's something that many are all too familiar with. Which is why many would be reluctant to love and others who have seen others fail at love will build even stronger walls. Love is a very touchy subject for many, so let's see how it was conveyed here.

I was in 1st grade and in my old school, I saw a boy. He got all the charms in the world, physically and mentally. He had piercing green eyes, had tangled black curls, and a calm yet mysterious grin. He wore thin silver glasses and a cool puffed up jacket. He looked like all my crushes I have recently. Probably because I have a type. Young and innocent, I was enchanted to meet a young lad. Yeah, I was delusional over him for years and I just saw him once in my life. I am never going to meet this boy ever again. But we are still going to talk about him anyway.


Okay, if this is a story based on your life, I hope that you get to meet him again. (cue the kdrama music)

In the opposite corner of the classroom, he was sitting elegantly, holding a sharp-edged pencil. Mom and Dad praised me for passing the exam I did, but they never knew I wasn’t focused on it but this wonder boy I saw while doing it. As a young girl, my world was slow but it got slower when I stared at those green eyes. We glanced at each other from time to time, even at times where our eyes meet. All of the other students expected me to look at their answers on the test papers but my main focus was the boy.


It's like you got all your strength from looking at this boy whom you had a crush on. Love can do silly things and it can bring out the best in us too.

I was staying away from him because I approached him, my feelings for him would be worse. But then he approached me and my feelings for him got worse. He asked if I was doing great, and he asked if we would share our snacks. He liked the superhero Spider-man, cereals separated from his milk, puffy jackets,turtlenecks and trench coats, basketball, and playing the guitar no matter how big it is compared to him. He said he wanted to be friends with me, but he never knew what my name was and I never knew what his name was. I thought we were friends and that we could meet each other again. But it never happened.


You were grade 1, right? So 10, 9, 8...you were around 6-7 years old? I'm genuinely shocked at how much you remember about your childhood. Mine was a blur. I believe this just shows how much that guy had an effect on you.

Gentle and kind, he opened a straw for me and picked up my eraser when I dropped it. With just the bare minimum, I became super delusional for him. I would see my future with him, married with three kids, in those eyes. We were supposed to exchange numbers of our moms but we didn’t remember their numbers but then it was time to leave. We just hugged and thought we could meet each other again. But for years, I was already out of the school where we met and a pandemic started, I still haven’t met him again. That day we met, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. In the long, long car rides to the mall and back home, everything I saw reminded me of him. He was on my mind all day long.


That...is not a crush anymore. You've fallen in love, my friend. Maybe. I honestly don't know, I'm no expert when it comes to love. But thinking that far in the future, I believe you have fallen for him. And you give many examples of imagining you and him together. That's enough to convince the audience that you have fallen head over heels for this boy.

He was a great friend and someone that is worth trusting. The problem is that I can see my future with him and three kids in those green eyes and we meet at the wrong time. Both of us met each other not knowing a single thing about love because we were young and innocent little children. Another problem is that a pandemic started and I am not in that school anymore [I mean the school was incompetent] but I wanted to still see him again. I also didn’t at least get his name. All I remember is his face and his actions. I remember everything he did and everything he was to me. I hope he never changes. I hope I meet this gorgeous boy again, but this time, we are old enough to understand what the real world is like. But if I don’t, he will just stay as a painful memory.


Awwww, I really hope you guys can meet again and talk it out. Perhaps it will resolve your "what-ifs" about you and him. But maybe you should give a thought. Can I move on from this? After all, people come and go from our lives. Not all will stay as long as we like and others will stay longer than we want them, too. The thing is, are we willing to accept where God wants us to go?

Overall, this is a sad yet hopeful story, grasping at the remnants of emotion one feels with their first love.

This is alpacaboss, signing off.




AkuRashomon says...


thank you for your review! yeah I was in 1st grade [7 years old] and I saw this boy. I had thoughts of him for a long time and never forgot about him. then I wrote this piece c:



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Sat Jul 08, 2023 1:19 pm
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Kaia wrote a review...



This was a really interesting piece. From the beginning I could see that this boy was going to be some one important to the main character. But I did think it rather odd that the main character was so young, but still she remembers everything about this character and felt strongly attracted to him. I thought she was going to move on when I got the hint that he was with her no longer. Of course there are other crushes, but nothing like the one you meet in real life...I feel rather sorry for this girl. It's pretty obvious that she didn't find anyone since to replace this boy. Not only that, but it is strongly implied that she is lonely. This likely has led her to go back into her past and keep thinking about this boy who ordinarily would fade to her past as someone new takes his place. But, no. That hasn't happened, and the main character is left to wonder what things would have been like had the two been able to see each other again...

Overall, I really like how you drew up the storyline. It's a short piece here, but it elequntly describes the emotion one would feel in this situation. (Apologies if this is actually you. I didn't want to just randomly assume that. XD)

I do have a few grammer related critiques. (If you would like me to stop critiquing you on grammer in
the future, just let me know. ;))

He had piercing green eyes, had tangled black curls, and a calm yet mysterious grin.

This sentence might low a bit better if you delete the second "had."

I was staying away from him because I approached him, my feelings for him would be worse. But then he approached me and my feelings for him got worse.


I have two critiques for you here. The first is that I think you meant to add the word "when" to the first sentence like after "because." The second critique I that the second sentence is just a little too much like the first, so it sounds repetitive. I suggest possibly removing the second sentence or changing it up somehow.

He said he wanted to be friends with me, but he never knew what my name was and I never knew what his name was.

Add a comma after "was" and before "and." I saw this in a few different places in your writing. The rule is that when you write a full sentence out and join it to another full sentence wth a conjunction (and, but, or, nor etc) add a comma after the first sentence like this:
Sally likes tea, but her cousin does not. Technically these two sentences could stand alone. "Sally likes tea." And: "Her cousin does not." So when you join these sentences, you need to add a comma after the first sentence before adding the conjunction that combines them. I hope that makes sense. :)

Lastly, you switched tense here:
He is not just charming but he has a brain and he is a gentleman.

Previously, you were writing in past tense, but here you switched to present tense.

Okay, that's it! Hope this review finds you well. :)
-Kaia
P.S. Nice work reviwing in the Green Room!!




AkuRashomon says...


thank you for your review! I will fix that later and yes the girl is me c:



Kaia says...


You're welcome. Aww....thanks for sharing this. I hope you can find someone else at some point to replace those thoughts of that boy you may never see again. *sad smile.*



AkuRashomon says...


yeah, thanks!



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Sat Jul 08, 2023 12:55 pm
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GengarIsBestBoy wrote a review...



Howdy hey! Gengar here to leave a review!

This was a really sweet but heartbreaking story about a girl wishing she could meet her 1st grade crush. I really like the development of the main character’s emotions, as seen here:

Things I Liked

As a young girl, my world was slow but it got slower when I stared at those green eyes. We glanced at each other from time to time, even at times where our eyes meet. All of the other students expected me to look at their answers on the test papers but my main focus was the boy.


I also like the way it ended, because it felt like a powerful ending:

I hope I meet this gorgeous boy again, but this time, we are old enough to understand what the real world is like. But if I don’t, he will just stay as a painful memory.


Areas of Improvement

I feel as if there is a lot of repetition in this story. I understand the point you’re trying to make, but sometimes the repetition is only two sentences apart. Examples of this in your story:

I was staying away from him because I approached him, my feelings for him would be worse. But then he approached me and my feelings for him got worse.


He made me delusional […] I became super delusional for him.


Overall, great story. Keep up the good work!

—GengarIsBestBoy




AkuRashomon says...


oh yeah thanks! I was thinking that some parts were redundant and weird too c: thanks for your kind review!




I'll show my defiance through ironic obedience!
— AstralHunter