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This Is My Mood (Colors)

by AkuRashomon

This is my mood.

People ask me,

Why do I write like this?

It's just how I feel,

Blue with a little yellow,

Red with a mix of violet. 

This is my mood.

I can repaint my gray sky

With clear baby blue sky.

One day, I will let someone

Give me that sunshine I crave.

Will it be you?

Here comes the empty black

With the that same red mood.

But sunshine came to heal.

He came to remove my nothingness,

Emptiness, loneliness and sadness.

He added the sunshine in my sky.

Now, I am forever happy.

He brings light to my mood. 

I think of him every day and night.

My Mr. Sunshine, 

Thank you for shining in my sky.

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221 Reviews

Points: 14221
Reviews: 221

Mon May 15, 2023 6:15 pm
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WinnyWriter wrote a review...

Hello! I'm here to leave a quick review. First of all, thanks for sharing this poem. Sometimes I like to see what other people are writing and how they approach poetry. I like the idea you've taken where you show moods as colors. It's a fascinating concept to me as well. Especially in specific instances, you have used certain colors to depict very specific emotions, such as gray for feeling down or lonely or sad, and black as a feeling of emptiness. The use of this correlation is great.

That being said, it would be nice if you went a little further into what each color represents. What exactly do the blue or yellow or violent depict as moods? Are the mix of colors meant to represent mixed feelings? Additional descriptive details would improve the overall feel of this poem.

It's cool how you personify the sunshine and give the reader insight into how it represents someone who makes the narrator happy. While this is a nice touch, it does seem to deviate a bit from the main theme of the poem. Yes, I see how it is still tied in by the idea of happiness and its overall correlation to the idea of moods in general, but there are no color descriptors used for the sunshine, so it's like you've kinda changed from the idea of colors as moods to a new idea of weather as moods. Both are great concepts and highly useful for poetic writing, but I would suggest throwing in some colors for the part about the sunshine, so it ties in with the rest of the piece better. Maybe think about using words like "golden" or even "white", or even simple adjectives like "bright" that give a more colorful visual than just the basic term "sunshine." That being said, I do see that you used the phrase "he brings light to my mood," so this is sort of what I'm getting at here. The bottom line, I think, is adding more visuals and more feeling.

You have a creative poem here, and it was easy to read. Hopefully something I've said might be helpful or give you some inspiration on how to make it even more impactful. But at the end of the day, the poem is yours, and you can do whatever you choose with it. Anyway, thanks again for sharing, and keep up the good work!

AkuRashomon says...

thanks for your review!

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27 Reviews

Points: 122
Reviews: 27

Mon Dec 19, 2022 5:11 am
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NothingMore905 wrote a review...

This is sweet, its basically saying were lonely but when we find that special someone, they light up your day and make your life better, there will be up and downs but all that matters is that he stays loyal to only you and you alone, its a never ending story unless someone ends it first, he makes you happy, he cheers you up when your at your lowest, he makes you skys blue on rainy days, even through the rain and clouds there is always a knife that can cut through those grey and lonely days.

AkuRashomon says...

Thank you for that. It is very nice how people have different opinions of that one writing^^

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30 Reviews

Points: 155
Reviews: 30

Fri Dec 16, 2022 6:18 pm
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NewHope wrote a review...

I particularly enjoyed the imagery in this piece. I enjoyed the ending and the picture of a healing sun coming out from behind the thunderclouds or maybe ash clouds. It seems like a long-forgotten friend or a friend you've always wished for. The plot of it all is a little bit confusing and sometimes seems more like pretty words put together. It seems a tiny bit generic but I think that ultimately improves over time with more practice. The idea is good.

AkuRashomon says...

Thank you! I'll work on that^^

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Points: 591
Reviews: 15

Tue Dec 13, 2022 1:41 pm
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angxlari wrote a review...

intelligent writing! i always say that i wish i was a colorful person and colorful writer. i claim to be blue, with my writing a reflection of that. i like this poem a lot more because of that personal touch!
my favorite line has to be "he came to remove my nothingness..."
that had me by THE THROAT. i feel like you could make a ton of other writings spun just off of that, its so good!
two things that stood out to me though is the fact that capitalization is constant, even in the case of after a comma or a break and the grammar. This may be your own personal writing style, but it throws me off just a teeny bit! The other one was just the spelling error, but its fixed now!

once again, i really liked that one line.. maybe you can try to write another poem based off of that.
thank you for sharing this!!

AkuRashomon says...

Thank you for your review!

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461 Reviews

Points: 6251
Reviews: 461

Tue Dec 13, 2022 6:08 am
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Horisun wrote a review...

Hello! I hope you are having a great day or night!

This poem was brilliant, and the end had me smiling from ear to ear! It's so earnest and thoughtful, and very well written! Aside from the final two lines, my favorite part was:

I can repaint my gray sky

All throughout this piece, you use color to paint an interesting picture for the reader. I think it works really well here, especially. However, in the following line:

With clear baby blue sky.

You use the word 'sky' twice. I'd suggest cutting one or the other out and replacing it another word. (Though, "With clear baby blue" works on its own as well)

Minor nitpick, but I also noticed you spelt emptiness incorrectly here:

Emptyness, loneliness and sadness.

Slightly lessening the impact of an otherwise great line.

All in all though, this was a wonderful poem! I really liked that it ended on an optimistic note. It was fun, uplifting, and a great read with clever allusions! I look forward to seeing what you write next! :D

AkuRashomon says...

Oh I'm sorry, I'll fix it and thank you for your review!

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100 Reviews

Points: 7
Reviews: 100

Mon Dec 12, 2022 9:36 pm
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Em16 wrote a review...

I really enjoyed reading this poem. I liked the way you used colors and sunshine as an extended metaphor for your feelings. Colors are so vibrant and produce such a visceral reaction that it’s an apt comparison to our feelings, which can also be really strong. When you say “blue with a little yellow”, I can perfectly picture that as a feeling. I like that you said two colors, since feelings are often a little complicated and contain multiple elements.
I also liked the use of sunshine as the savior. The comparison between bringing light to the sky and light to one’s mood is well done. However, I was a little confused by this section. Is the sunshine literal sunshine? Or is it a metaphor for something else? I kind of got the sense, from the way sunshine was characterized as a he, that it was a person, but I wasn’t sure about that. In the previous lines, the speaker had been wondering who would give them that “sunshine” they craved, and it seems like an abrupt transition for them to suddenly find that person. I would suggest adding a little more clarification on what Mr. Sunshine is, and also what they are doing to add sunshine to the speaker’s life.
I also think, since the poem seems to have two idea- colors as a metaphor for mood, and Mr. Sunshine bringing happiness- that you should split the poem up into two stanzas to separate the two ideas.
Lastly, I really loved the strong personal voice in this poem. I felt like the speaker was very assertive in explaining themselves and their feelings, and I could really relate to them and understand where they were coming. This was a great poem, and it was really fun to read.

AkuRashomon says...

Thank you for your review!

The adventures I enjoy are usually of a literary nature.
— Henry Winchester