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E - Everyone

gasoline killed me

by AkuRashomon


Gasoline, 

Strong, gray, additive

Up my nose

In the car,

While he fills the tank

I sit still

Smelling gas

Was the worst moment 

Of my life

The next day

In a hospital 

'Cause of gas

My poor nose

My poor lungs and body

Gas's fault

Now I die

'Cause there's no healing

Goodbye world


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172 Reviews

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Reviews: 172

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Sat May 13, 2023 11:08 pm
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Roxanne wrote a review...



Hi Ina!

I'm glad to read another poem from someone else. I personally think that poems capture emotions. Whether it is a happy feeling or just really sad. Sometimes, while doing something, a random idea pops into your head that could lead to a nice short poem like yours.

It doesn't rhyme, but that's fine 'cause not every poem rhymes. Your use of words is very precise and you managed to create a vivid image in your readers mind. Both long and short poems are interesting, but they each tell a different story.

I enjoyed reading the poem from the very first sentence to the last.
Speaking of the last sentence, I also used that sentence in one of my short stories on YWS called Everything into Nothing. I've been thinking about continuing it, but I still need to work on a plot.

Anyway, I must say, your work is incredible. Keep on doing what you do.

Have a great day(or night)!

Me,

Rose




AkuRashomon says...


Thanks for the kind review and I like your story Everything into Nothing. I might review that when you are done working on the plot.



Roxanne says...


Tnx!



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59 Reviews

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Fri Apr 07, 2023 8:55 pm
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TheCornDogEnthusiast wrote a review...



Hello!
This passage appears to be a dark and disturbing reflection on the speaker's experience of inhaling gasoline, which has caused them serious harm and possibly death. The language is simple and direct, with a focus on sensory details and physical sensations.

The use of repetition, such as the repeated reference to "gas" and the phrase "my poor," creates a sense of emphasis and urgency, underscoring the seriousness of the speaker's condition. The sudden shift in tone from the first stanza, which describes the smell of gasoline as "strong" and "gray," to the second stanza, which describes the speaker's hospitalization and impending death, is jarring and unsettling.

Overall, this passage is a stark reminder of the dangers of inhaling toxic substances and the potentially fatal consequences of such actions. The author's use of sensory details and repetition creates a sense of immediacy and urgency, while the bleak and hopeless tone adds to the sense of tragedy and despair.

Approved by the Corn Dog Enthusiast Association




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6 Reviews

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Fri Apr 07, 2023 2:24 pm
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tautik1234 wrote a review...



Hey there! Here with a quick review.

The work starts off with a typical scene at the gasoline station and ends up on the death-bed, sure it took a big turn by the end. It's funny how the lead went up getting air from ventilator after smelling gas from the gas station. There seems to be minor mistakes, maybe they're mistakes made purposefully or really typos. What I like about the poem is the humorous interpretation/irony of smelling gas causing the death. Although I'm confused with the message, does it carry any message or is it written just like that. I guess this one is a soft humored poem. Good work!




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Sun Mar 26, 2023 11:58 pm
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a short review!

First things first, this poem had a very natural flow which I really liked, except in a few places. First od all,

Smelling gas

Was the wrost moment

Of my life

Unlike the other lines, this three lines actually seem to merge and form a single line. I think you could edit these lines and make something better. Would help in the flow a lot.

Okay now to the genre of the poem. I have zero idea if this poem is meant to be interpreted in a deeper level. Like when I first read the poem, it fwlt to be a humorous poem but then the last two lines really cut off the humour from the poem. They seem to be very tragic, all of a sudden. So yeah, I would rwally like an explanation on that particular topic and if this poem lies in the genre of tragic poems or humourous ones.

I liked how you refrained from dividing the poem into stanzas. That actually contributed a lot to the poem, I think. You succeeded in maintaining the continuity of the events occurring in a very short jnterval of time.

Talking about the message of the poem, I think besides this normal gasoline which you talked about, maybe it was talking of humanity and how the so called humanity is becoming like that gasoline and killing people in that process. Sometimes people make the other people suffocate just like the gasoline. That was all. I enjoyed reading the poem.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




AkuRashomon says...


Thank you for reminding me I had a typo. I will keep writing as well! Good day!



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Sun Mar 12, 2023 12:04 am
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foxmaster wrote a review...



Hello! This is Foxmaster!

First of all, I really liked this! It was really funny! You really put a positive spin on poetry. Also, it was really original. I liked the cover. Did you make it? Or did you find it? It's also funny how just the smell of gasoline practically kills the main character.
Buuut I did find a typo:
Was the wrost moment
I think you mean worst.
I also really like how she (or he) blames the gas for dying.

That is all! I liked this! But could you please review my work! Thanks!

-Foxmaster




AkuRashomon says...


Yes I will fix it. I made the cover myself hehe. I am very thankful you liked it it.



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Sat Mar 11, 2023 3:18 pm
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Quillfeather wrote a review...



Hey Quill here for a quick review!

things I loved
First off I love the imagery and hidden meaning in this. I love the way that at first it seems like you are talking about a person, poisoned by the gas. And maybe that is the intention, but I love the way that it can also be read that the intention may be more about the planet or a "mother nature" sense.

Maybe it is the planet overwhelmed by the fumes. Or maybe it is a person, was it intentional poisoning? I love the open-ended interpretations this has!

Places I feel the poem could grow
Fist off I would maybe take a look at the formatting and read it out loud. I find the way lines broken up adds a few unnecessary pauses. But if you have specific meanings for this or other reasons for keeping it, feel free to! These are just my personal opinions.

The next is just a small typo that I thought I would point out. When it says

'Cause if gas
Maybe this is supposed to be '''cause of gas'' if not I would recommend changing it because it just seems to be a line that doesn't continue.

One other small typo is
Was the wrost moment of my life
I think maybe "wrost" should be ''worst''
But these are just minor things that any author has once in awhile:)

in conclusion
I loved you're poem and the possibilities for hidden meaning and a way for different readers to relate!
(Also I loved the way you used a drawing you made as a cover, it looks amazing!)

Keep writing!
~Quill




AkuRashomon says...


Thank you for your kind review! I will fix and improve my writing skills as well:)




attempting foot extraction
— Mea