z

Young Writers Society


12+

She Was A Child

by EllieMae


You want us to leave by 9am,

But you get too drunk to leave your bed.

-

You want me to move on,

But I cannot change,

Because I am the person your hatred shaped me to be.

-

Your pain made you strong,

She didn't need to be strong,

She was a child.

-

When you see my scars,

Do you cry?

Remembering the baby you held,

Toddler you terrified,

And daughter you never loved.

-

I remember you,

When I see the bruises on my spine,

The cuts on my knuckles,

My ribs that feel too big for my body,

And tube across my face.

-

When I think of how my life has changed,

I think of the person you made me be,

And the promises you never kept.

I have done every form of therapy I can afford,

And nothing changed.

Maybe when I’m a therapist I’ll finally know how to fix myself.

-

There was never a monster under my bed,

There was only your husband.

He beat me when you left.

He made me grow up too fast.

He made me into the person you hate today.

-

So maybe she was strong,

And independent,

And capable,

And labelled as gifted in every way.

But she was also a child who would have given it all up for you to hug her.

-

You taught her that the only way to succeed in life is to lie,

But she drowned in her own tears when she was eight,

So long ago.

Or maybe it was blood.

-

She often heard,

Once you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up!

But she hit the rock bottom floor in the bathroom so many times,

When your husband beat her,

That she didn't believe in hope anymore.

-

She is me,

But she was scared.

Well, maybe I am still scared.

But she was trapped.

You can't hurt me anymore,

Because I am finally free to leave you,

And never come back.

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35 Reviews

Points: 319
Reviews: 35

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Wed Mar 20, 2024 12:36 pm
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dm74 wrote a review...



This one hit me right in the feels. I love how vivid your imagery comes across. I want to give the little girl a hug.

My favorite line is

So maybe she was strong,

And independent,

And capable,

And labelled as gifted in every way.

But she was also a child who would have given it all up for you to hug her.


This resonates with me because I was the independent "good" kid.

The ending of the poem when you reveal the little girl is you is also something that resonates. I think many people who have gone through this are still scared long after they leave their abusers. It lets the reader know that trauma has lasting effects.

I really don't have anything to critique. It is very well written.

-Dani




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245 Reviews

Points: 22538
Reviews: 245

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Sat Dec 30, 2023 11:54 pm
Spearmint wrote a review...



Hey Ellie! mint here with a quick review. ^-^ Overall, this was a powerful poem. The narrator breaks free of her abusive family situation at the end of the poem, and those lines hit hard, especially considering all the previous details. I imagine "And never come back." being read with a fierce finality that's very satisfying. Nice job!

Here were some of my favorite lines:

Your pain made you strong,

She didn't need to be strong,

She was a child.

This. So many people say pain makes you stronger, but really, it's wrong for children to have to deal with pain, even if it "makes them stronger." </3

Maybe when I’m a therapist I’ll finally know how to fix myself.

Ahhhh. This line really struck me.

I also love the way you take common phrases and twist them around, like with the "monster under my bed" and "hit rock bottom." Your creativity and direct, powerful style shine through in this poem.

Now then, I try to make my reviews at least a little helpful, so I'll try to come up with some critiques. xD

I wasn't quite sure of the purpose of the italics. For the first and last sections, it seems to be for emphasis or for style. But italics are also used to quote phrases that people have said to the narrator. I wonder if you could use a different style for that? For example, maybe quotation marks for phrases the narrator heard? Just an idea!

I also really like this stanza:
You taught her that the only way to succeed in life is to lie,

But she drowned in her own tears when she was eight,

So long ago.

Or maybe it was blood.

I just feel like the last line should hit harder. It took me a second read-through to grasp the gravity of it. Perhaps it could be emphasized by making the style different in some way, like by adding parentheses? Like: "(Or maybe it was blood.)" That would make me slow down a moment to read it, and I feel like that would give it the emphasis it deserves. Of course, it could just be me! ^^'

Take all of these suggestions with a grain of salt, haha. It's been a while since I reviewed poetry.

Thank you for sharing this poem, Ellie. <3 I appreciate getting to hear your lovely poetic voice. ^^ Have a wonderful day/night! =D




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29 Reviews

Points: 136
Reviews: 29

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Wed Dec 27, 2023 8:11 pm
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farq4d wrote a review...



hey again, i thought i'd leave you a quick review. this poem hurts. it's like a letter from a daughter to her mother, her mother who did not do her job to protect her child. in the poem, the narrator sort of separates themselves from their child-self by referring to the younger version of themselves as 'she.' it isn't until the end of the poem that the narrator acknowledges that she is still the same person, still hurting and still scared of the trauma they suffered at the hands of their step-father. bottom line, the narrator was forced to grow up too quickly, being robbed of their childhood by an abusive stepfather and neglectful mother who allowed the abuse to happen. i think my favorite lines are "So maybe she was strong, // and independent, // and capable, // and labeled as gifted in every way. // But she was also a child who would have given it all up for you to hug her." it just reminds me of when people call children mature for their age. i feel like people say that without ever wondering why a child is that way, when a child should still have the time to be a child. overall, i really enjoyed reading this poem. it really captures the fear and the anger of being a person in this situation, when the only solace they have is finally turning 18 and being able to leave the situation. i hope this isn't anything you have personally gone through, but if it is, i'm really sorry and i'm here for you if you ever need to talk.

farqu4d




EllieMae says...


thank you so much for this lovely review!!! <3333 hope youre doing well!!




gonna be honest, i dont believe in the moon
— sheyren