Saying that I hate who I am,
Is saying that I hate who you made me to be.
-
When I hate my eyes,
I hate your eyes.
The eyes that watched me like a hawk,
But never comforted me when I cried.
I can still hear you screaming at me,
But when I needed you,
All I could tell my little brother was,
“Mum is never here.”
-
When I say that I’m tired,
I remember the person who never gave me a break.
I also remember who you were,
When you were too drunk to hit the brake.
I can feel the terror I felt that night.
You broke me.
-
I remember when we went on a drive through the mountains,
I cried because I was scared.
You laughed at me.
All I wanted was a mother,
Another person to bear my pains,
Instead, I learned what abandonment was.
I learned what it felt like to be bare, empty, and lonely.
-
When I was eight,
You told me that you hated Jesus.
When I lost the teddy bear daddy made for me,
You told me to grow up and stop crying.
I ate nothing that night,
But I did learn that you loved getting high,
More than tucking me into bed.
-
Saying I hate who I am,
Is saying that I hate you,
And the person who I have become,
Because of how badly you hurt me.
-
I will always have a hole in my heart,
And a poster boldly displayed, stating,
“Mother Wanted, Affection Desired”
But despite everything you did to me,
I am learning to become whole again.
-
I am learning,
To love me,
And to love you too.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,080 Literary Works • 672,994 Reviews
Hi there! This is Orabella, here with a short review.
I fell in love with this poem the second I read it. My dad is next to me and is like, "What are you so excited about?" and I'm like, "Poem poem beautiful poem I love it love it poem poem is beautiful..."
This is my favorite poem I've read all day and I've read *counts on fingers* like almost 10?? Almost 10.
I didn't realize until I read it a second time, but the italicized letters are showing homophones within the verse, and I think that's so unique and cool. I've never seen that done before, and I think you executed it perfectly.
This is something I can't really relate to because I'm fortunate enough to have a kind and caring mother, and yet I can still feel a lot of what you're describing. I literally have no feedback for you because I think it's absolutely perfect and just works so well at making almost feel like I'm in that situation.
I especially like this line for some reason, and I'm not entirely sure what sets it apart from the rest.
Maybe it's the sad beauty of it, or the fact that you tied it in to the homophone scheme, but it just hits harder for some reason.
The last verse, though The last verse. I don't even know how to describe how much I love it. It brought it back to the beginning, but in a new light, one that's just such a beautiful message too that, again, it makes me want to cry.
Thank you so much for writing and sharing. I wanna go hide in a hole now and just think about this poem for hours. ...I think we can agree you successfully captured your readers' attention. (Or at least one of them)
If you ever want to talk, I'm always here. <3
Your writing is so good, and I hope you'll have more time to keep writing in the future. ^^
Hi ellie~ Tea here with a review! Happy review day!
Tea Base: The first impression. What did I think about this when I read it first?
I always love your poetry,nd this is such a beautiful piece. You started off with:
This is such a hard hitting beginning line! When someone has been with you for such a long time that they mold you into themself. It creates the theme for the poem quite well. Afterwards, you come in with:
Oh boy... that's a lot to unpack. First, talking about the eyes which watch you likr a hawk. Having the same eyes as family who hurt you... ouch. The line that follows it- about never comforting, was really impactful. Like being a bystander to all of the hurt and pain. Also being able to hear someone but you can never find them... like an echo. And the word llay? Drop dead gorgeous.
Anyway, the next lines:
was very interesting. More wordplay, with break brake and broke. But also lines in between, where the mother was too drunk (possibly a car crash?) to brake. The line after develops it further.
Again, worplay! (bare and bear.) for a mother to laugh at their child... in pity. i assume. That must be like ouch and yeowch. And the word abandoment is cold already, but the eords surrounding it makes it even colder.Next up:
Wordplay heaven? I think so.Telling a child to grow up is like telling an adult to be more childish. It makes no sense, but it's "justifiable". Also the last two lines. They don't really hit as hard without the "hated Jesus" part. creating this kind of opposite points thing.
Not many words for this one, but trauma does mold people ehe...
So..much..wordplay. Anyway, the idea of the poster made this vivid idea in my head. Like you but theres just a giant heart inside you, with a big tunnel through it, and the poster covers it. And unlearning past expiriences... that takes time.
Finally, you wrap up beautifully with:
Add-Ons: What could be added, what could be changed that would improve this work?
No nitpicks here! I loved this poem. It beautifully utilized punctuation and wordplay.
Toppings: What I loved about this work, What do you think was so genius?
So many good parts! But i think the was my favorite. Such great imagery and word choice.
Straw: Finish off your drink! Any other quips or questions?
Hey ellie...
Spoiler
I loved reading this, so thank you and happy revire day~
Truly,
-tea
oh my gosh, I've never told you how much I love your writing?? I'm not reviewing, but this is so good -- italicizing sound-alike words was really clever, and the lines about the poster caught my eye; I don't think I need to mention how great you are at handling these kinds of themes in your works. I can't wait to read more of your writing Ailah, you're awesome!!! (p.s w/out the signature, this hit my emotions super hard - i hope you're doing well <3)
Thank you, this means so so much to me, friend <3333 really made my day!!