Act One: Who I Was Yesterday
these are the poems of who I was before
when i was small
-
it seems like only yesterday
i was a child
my tears crashed like waves
i was a songbird in May
not older yet
-
she was yesterday
gone now
only a whisper in the wind
a face in the photograph
a dream in the night
the candle i light in the dark
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140,080 Literary Works • 672,994 Reviews
Hi Ailah! To fulfill my desire to write poetry, time to review your poetry <33
I always love your poetry, and this is short
Tea Base: The first impression. What did I think about this when I read it first?
Don't we all? I too miss being a wee little guy ehehe... Also starting with this made such a nice opener for this poem's motif.
Then you came with:
My jaw dropped. Like literally dropped. This was such a genius phrase to use, and i could like visibly see a girl standing and her tears making waves. Also intresting use of "not older yet"
Aftwerwards, you use a line break then say:
The past is in the past, and this represents it perfectly. There are only photos that show who she was, and where she was. Additionally, using dream makes it feel like it was a memory that was forgotten, and just something that happened once (which technically yeah it was)
Add-Ons: What could be added, what could be changed that would improve this work?
I honestly... can't think of anything that this needs! great work!
Toppings: What I loved about this work, What do you think was so genius?
As I said, I love this line. I really like the imagery it painted in my mind and it was honestly really pretty.
Straw: Finish off your drink! Any other quips or questions?
I love your poetry and I'm probably going to review more of it today <333
Poetically,
-tea
i love your poetry <333 ill review it when i get up to go to my computer ehehe
Hey Ellie! I'm going to leave a quick review for your poem here.
I've got to say, I really, truly enjoyed reading this poem. It was really descriptive and used a lot of metaphors, and there is so much emotion in it. You also have a repetition of the word "yesterday," which really showed the reader how far away childhood felt to the narrator.
This poem (or these poems) appear(s) to be about a person who is recounting what life was like when she was a child, and then describing how their personality and life when they were a child has disappeared, and now being grown up, their life is different.
I really liked your figurative language in the first part,
It's well thought out and very clever, and adds a lot to the poem, and helps the reader understand how the narrator feels about how her childhood used to be like.
I also liked these lines,
This makes the reader see, feel, and also hear what the narrator is imagining, and put them into the narrator's mind. If you wanted to expand this, you could also add other senses, like taste and smell relating to the narrator's connection with their younger self, but I don't think it's really necessary, but if you did want to make it a pattern, you could do that. All the imagery in this line is really well done.
And like I said, you conveyed a lot of emotion to the reader, and made them feel what you were trying to make them feel, and set a mood for the poem. The ending ties the poem to an end really well, and is resounding and sort of mysterious.
I really enjoyed reading this poem and reviewing it, and I hope to read more of your poetry in the future. Keep writing, and happy holidays!