z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Since I Left You.

by EllieMae


I am so sorry,

For being the one who left you.

-

I am so sorry,

For not realizing that your feelings were as strong as mine,

And that you were just as terrified.

You were hurt too.

-

I am so sorry,

For leaving when things got hard,

Without remembering the child you once were,

The games we played,

The stuffed animals we named,

The trouble we caused,

The songs I made you sing,

The Bible stories I read to you,

And the nicknames we promised to remember forever, on the swingset.

-

I can still hear your little voice singing,

“Yes, Jesus loves me”

I’m sorry for shushing you,

It was because I was scared that she would hurt you.

-

Seeing the tears roll down your face,

Allowed me to see the little boy you were before,

And it broke me.

-

It broke me in a way that I needed to be broken.

-

Because all I want to do is love him the way I never did when we were small.

Now I see that you are tough because I left,

You have not failed,

You became who you had to be to live without me.

-

Looking at the sky tonight,

Watching the tears roll down your face,

I remembered the sky we saw when we were younger,

And the stars we counted.

-

We were in Hell,

But still found rays of Heaven that we never let go.

-

I know that I will never show you this poem,

And it may take many years before I can hold you,

And help heal the children we once were,

But here are the words I want you to feel:

-

I love you.

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User avatar
8 Reviews

Points: 78
Reviews: 8

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Wed Apr 17, 2024 12:34 am
AkiraEliza wrote a review...



I, for one, have never been a fan of religion.
You can even say I hate it.
But even so, this poem almost makes it bearable.
It's beautiful! It doesn't even need to rhyme. That's how good it is. Honestly, I can tell a lot of thought was put into this. You should keep at it! I genuinely could not find any faults in this! Maybe a grammar mistake I didn't catch, but the poem truly is good.
If this isn't just for entertainment purposes, then I hope things get better. Yeah. I know. This review is probably months after it was made. But it doesn't matter! As long as things turn out great for you, that's what counts.
Have a nice day!




User avatar
71 Reviews

Points: 6321
Reviews: 71

Donate
Wed Dec 27, 2023 5:41 pm
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Youbeaucupid wrote a review...



Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today! (/≧▽≦)/

Good morning Ellie! Cupid here, thought I'd fly over a review for you poem today. Let's get flying! (Also thought I'd try out a new method like the YWS s'mores Method...The Boba Method! teatiime was the one to inspired me to try this out hehe)

⚫ TThe Boba Pearls: First Impression:

When I first started reading this, I immediately felt so sad. Your opening lines immediately made my heart hurt. It is apparent from the start that protagonist is expressing deep regret and apologizing for their actions. The use of repetition, specifically the phrase "I am so sorry," emphasizes the sincerity of the catches the reader's attention.

🍵The Tea Base: Room Improvements!

I don't really have any commentary for improvements, but I'm a little scatter-brained today so I'll let others take the reigns on that subject! But well done.

🥛The Milk: Highlights of Piece

What truly stood out to me in this story is the raw emotion and vulnerability. The protagonist acknowledges their mistakes and shows remorse for leaving and not realizing the impact on the other person. The reference to childhood memories, such as the games stuffed animals, and nicknames, adds a nostalgic and sentimental touch. The line,

"I can still hear your little voice singing, 'Yes, Jesus loves me,'"


evokes a powerful image and showcases the love and care the protagonist once had.


🍬 The Sweetener: Favorite lines!

-Because all I want to do is love him the way I never did when we were small."
-

This line showcases the protagonists desire for redemption growth. It acknowledges the past mistakes and emphasizes the protagonists longing to make up for them by showering love on the other person. It conveys a genuine of regret and the willingness to change.


"We were in Hell, but still found rays of that we never let go."


This line beautifully contrasts the difficult and painful moments in the past with the small moments of joy and happiness were cherished between the two individuals. It highlights the strength and resilience of their relationship even in the midst of challenges. It also showcases the power of finding light in darkness. (Reminds me a poem an old friend once wrote)


- "I know that I will never show you this poem, and it may take many years before I can hold you, and help heal the children we once were, but here are the words I want you feel: I love you."


This line is just wow, it's so incredibly poignant and captures the heart of the protagonist. The deep longing to reconcile and mend the relationship, even though it'll take time. The willingness to wait and the desire for the other person to feel their love is a powerful sentiment. It shows the protagonists commitment to healing rebuilding the bond that was broken.

(I have one question, this poem and quite sad but also very heartfelt. I can't help but wonder if this is to someone you knew?, or is this just something you thought of?)


🧋 Completed drink: Closing thoughts

Overall, your story was a amazing to read, and really connect to the poem. You always find ways to effectively convey deep emotions when you write. (what are your secrets? 0^0). Thank you for sharing this heartfelt piece. Your writing was amazing as always! I hope to read more from you in the future. Enjoy your boba and happy writing! (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

Fly high writer, Cupid 💘




EllieMae says...


Thanks for your wonderful review!! :D



Youbeaucupid says...


No problem! I'm happy to have been able to review it! %uD83D%uDC98




I AM NOT GOING "FULL COW" ON SOMEBODYYYYYY
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