When I went to the beach,
I walked towards the water,
Where I was completely alone.
I dug a deep hole,
So deep, that my fingers ached.
-
I closed my eyes,
And remembered.
All the emotions.
All the feelings.
All the people.
-
I poured a handful of sand into the hole,
And remembered my anxiety.
I poured two for depression.
And three for the times I tried to die.
-
I sprinkled sand for my trauma,
That fell like the tears I shed as a child.
-
I added some for my mom.
Breathing in,
And breathing out.
The sand that fell from my hand
And felt like the burden that was lifted
When I whispered,
Quietly,
I forgive you, mum.
-
I put a big handful in for grandma,
Who died in pain.
And another for my uncle,
Who died alone.
-
My tears made the sand wet,
It also made it firmer and stronger.
-
A little girl approached me,
Look at my sandcastle!
I smiled at her.
She went back to playing with her sister.
I watched her,
And remembered the girl I used to be,
Building sand castles on this beach when I was small.
-
I breathed in.
And breathed out.
All the people.
All the pain.
All the memories.
All the time I spent, not living.
-
I pushed the rest of the sand,
Into the hole,
For me.
For who I am ready to become.
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Hello! Chanced upon this poem and thought I’d give a little review!
First, I really enjoyed the poem! Super well thought through, very well written:)
My favourite lines were: “ I sprinkled sand for my trauma,
That fell like the tears I shed as a child.” Very poetic, and I loved the writing style that you have!
I thought that your structure and flow of the poem was really interesting, almost as if there was some kind of revelation or change your persona went through as the poem progressed, which is such an interesting concept!
Keep writing, and amazing work!
Hi there! This is Orabella, here with a short review. ^^
This is beautiful. I don't really know what else to say. It's beautiful. I feel like anything I have to say would ruin the beauty of this, but, um... I wanna tell you how wonderful this is? Because it is.
Throughout the poem, I can feel some of what the narrator is saying, and I can hear the ocean waves in the background. I see the sand and the thoughts and the little girl.
I like the metaphor with the tears. Tears usually mean sadness or fear, although it's said to make you stronger when you go through bad things. Tears making a sandcastle stronger is a beautiful metaphor.
I like how you made the sand represents bad things like depression and death, and how at the end, you pushed them all in the hole so you can move forward. I love the ending; it's just so hopeful and it kind of makes me want to cry because it's so wonderfully powerful and uplifting.
Besides the other sections I mentioned, some of my favorite lines were,
and
These lines are so beautiful, just like the rest of the poem. I keep saying that, but I really mean it. Reading this poem makes me want to cry in joy and sadness, which I really can't say about most things.
There's really nothing I would say I can suggest to make it better. I feel like some of the lines were a little vague (e.g. All the people / All the pain / All the memories, etc.), but I don't really view that as a problem. I feel like you as the writer know better what that means to you, and honestly, I think it's better when poems are vague. They don't have to be specific to be beautiful. :)
Thank you so much for writing this. It's sad yet beautiful, and I feel like I needed to read this in some ways. I'm so glad you shared, and please keep writing!
This is a very pretty poem
Hii Elle! Cupid here, thought I'd fly over a quick review, let's get started
First Impression:
Wow, the raw emotions throughout this poem is just wow. I have no words for how I felt reading this, sad? Nostalgic for some reason, all these different emotion within your poem are beautiful. Your opening lines really caught my attention, I feel it set a somber and introspective atmosphere. Your choice of the beach as the setting give me a sense of contemplation, as me and my siblings always saw it as a place often associated with serenity. The mention of walking towards the water and being completely alone creates a feeling of solitude and sadness, setting the stage for a through personal experiences and reflections.
Room Improvements:
I couldn't find anything that needed improvement, your structure and format of the poem are well thought out and put together, so I'll let someone else take the reigns on that one. Overall well done!
Highlights of the Piece:
I love how you effectively evokes such strong emotions through such simple and poignant imagery. The act of "pouring sand into the hole" represents different feelings and experiences, such, trauma, and forgiveness. The use of sand as a symbol effectively conveys the weight and impact of each moments. The imagery of "tears wetting the sand and making it firmer" conveys a sense of strength and resilience. Even the imagery with the little girl building sand castles serves as a bittersweet reminder of childhood innocence and the passage of time.
Favorite Lines:
One of the lines that really tugged at my heart,
It beautifully captures the healing process of forgiveness and the release burdens. The imagery of the sand slipping from the speaker's hand, mirrors the weight being lifted from their shoulders, evokes a sense of relief and compassion. It really speaks to the power and resilience of the human spirit.
Another line deeply resonated with me was,
This line not only portrays the physical effect of tears on the sand, but also symbolizes the strength and resilience gained from and processing difficult emotions. It reminds us that sometimes, our tears can be both and empowering, giving us the strength to face our pain and grow from it.
And when I read the line,
it brought back a bittersweet wave of nostalgia for me. It served as a poignant reminder of the passage of time and the loss of innocence that accompanies growing up. It allowed me to reflect on the journey and empathize with their longing for the simplicity's and joy of childhood.
I think these lines truly capture the beauty and vulnerability, reminding us of our shared emotions and the power of self-compassion and growth. Well done.
Closing Thoughts:
In conclusion, your poem offers a beautiful raw and deeply personal exploration of experiences and emotions. It invites us as readers into a vulnerable space, where we connect with the poem on a profound level.
Thank you for sharing another heartfelt piece Ellie. May your continued journey of self-discovery and healing bring you further inspiration in your stories. Keep writing from the depths of your heart, for they have the power to touch and inspire others.
Your friend and reader, Cupid. 💘