Young Writers Society

Hi there! This is Orabella, here with a short review. ^^

This is beautiful. I don't really know what else to say. It's beautiful. I feel like anything I have to say would ruin the beauty of this, but, um... I wanna tell you how wonderful this is? Because it is.

Throughout the poem, I can feel some of what the narrator is saying, and I can hear the ocean waves in the background. I see the sand and the thoughts and the little girl.

I like the metaphor with the tears. Tears usually mean sadness or fear, although it's said to make you stronger when you go through bad things. Tears making a sandcastle stronger is a beautiful metaphor.

I like how you made the sand represents bad things like depression and death, and how at the end, you pushed them all in the hole so you can move forward. I love the ending; it's just so hopeful and it kind of makes me want to cry because it's so wonderfully powerful and uplifting.

Besides the other sections I mentioned, some of my favorite lines were,

I put a big handful in for grandma,

Who died in pain.

And another for my uncle,

Who died alone.

I sprinkled sand for my trauma,

That fell like the tears I shed as a child.

This is a very pretty poem

Hii Elle! Cupid here, thought I'd fly over a quick review, let's get started


First Impression:

Wow, the raw emotions throughout this poem is just wow. I have no words for how I felt reading this, sad? Nostalgic for some reason, all these different emotion within your poem are beautiful. Your opening lines really caught my attention, I feel it set a somber and introspective atmosphere. Your choice of the beach as the setting give me a sense of contemplation, as me and my siblings always saw it as a place often associated with serenity. The mention of walking towards the water and being completely alone creates a feeling of solitude and sadness, setting the stage for a through personal experiences and reflections.

Room Improvements:

I couldn't find anything that needed improvement, your structure and format of the poem are well thought out and put together, so I'll let someone else take the reigns on that one. Overall well done!

Highlights of the Piece:

I love how you effectively evokes such strong emotions through such simple and poignant imagery. The act of "pouring sand into the hole" represents different feelings and experiences, such, trauma, and forgiveness. The use of sand as a symbol effectively conveys the weight and impact of each moments. The imagery of "tears wetting the sand and making it firmer" conveys a sense of strength and resilience. Even the imagery with the little girl building sand castles serves as a bittersweet reminder of childhood innocence and the passage of time.

Favorite Lines:

One of the lines that really tugged at my heart,

"Breathing in, and breathing out. The sand that fell from hand felt like the burden that was lifted when I whispered, quietly, I forgive you, mum."

"My tears made the sand wet, it made it firmer and stronger."

"And remembered the girl I used to, building sand castles on this beach when I was small,"