Young Writers Society

All right! Book two, here we go!

Here's my review:

A cold dawn crept over the still sands of the south coast of Megalonia, casting golden rays of light across Zoltar’s scaly wings. He stirred as the sun warmed his back, driving away the damp cold of the night. Yawning, he looked around, confused. He quickly got to his paws. Where was he?

Then like a giant wave crashing upon the shore, the memories of the previous night flooded over him. The Wisp Talon chase, the race through the maze, the narrow escape from the Death Grippers and the quiet talk on the beach with Felistia. He was on the Moon Talon Coast.

Breathing a quiet sigh, he settled back onto the sand, staring out at the endless horizon of azure blue water. It was a beautiful day, perfect flying weather.

He half smiled while thinking about how that situation would have played out.

The last thing he needed was to bitten by a startled Wisp Talon.

“Ooh,” she mumbled, blinking sleepily, “Okay then.”

She looked hot and kept glaring up at the sun in an irritated way.

“Pretty hot a guess, especially for you,” Zoltar shrugged,

“Oops, sorry Felistia,” Shiraku snickered, watching the two dragons untangle themselves “I brought some fish if anyone is hungry? There are huge shoals of them out there.”

“Well you are certainly in a good mood,” Felistia growled, shaking herself dry.

“I can swim again. Do you know how long it’s been since I had a morning swim in the ocean?”

Felistia rolled her eyes, “I have a feeling we’re about to find out.”

“I kind of like it, though I personally prefer deer,” Zoltar replied, thinking back to when the Shadow Lands had been a paradise for dragons and animals alike. He hoped that the Wisp Talon Island would be similar once his tribe had moved in alongside Emerald’s tribe. He’d just have to wait and see.

I really enjoyed reading this! Your imagery and characters are very well written, and you used descriptive words that quickly pull the reader into the story's scene. Sentence parts like "a ruby red piece of fish" or "Her scales had shifted to a mixture of ivory and spring green swirls" really paint a vivid picture.

You had powerful word choice and I like how the second paragraph began with a metaphor; "Then like a giant wave crashing upon the shore, the memories of the previous night flooded over him." Your metaphor added to the story's mood too! Also, beginnings that ask questions like "Where was he?" definitely make readers curious.

All of the dragons have a notable personality and I can sense that there's a unique and intriguing backstory to each of them.

So excited to see more, keep up the good work!

~ Spider ~

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Day 3 of the reviewathon is upon us. Hopefully I can plow through all fifteen.

First Impression: Nice little start. We have just enough continuity from the previous book to remind people of the ending of the last book without it feeling like a chore to read.

Without further ado, lets get started,

Yawning, he looked around, confused. He quickly got to his paws. Where was he?

It might not stay this good the whole day and he wanted to clear the Sulphur Swamps before then.

He leapt backwards, almost tripping on a buried tree root as Emerald shook her snout.

He hoped Felistia was in a better mood with him this morning. Last night she’d seemed bitter for some reason. He presumed it had to do with him mentioning the Ice Talon Kingdom. She’d never talked about it much on the island and when she had, she’d always been evasive about the subject.

“Morning sleepy claws…. how’s the day?” a slick voice hissed from behind him. Resting on the sand, half hidden by the shade of the trees was Felistia. She looked hot and kept glaring up at the sun in an irritated way.

“I hate salt, it sticks to my scales and makes them itch terribly for days before I can lick all of it off.” Felistia hissed, shaking her head.

“Hi guys! Glad to see you up,” Shiraku yelled, leaping onto the beach. She shook the sea water off her scales, sending it splattering over Zoltar, Felistia and Emerald.

“No thank you,” Emerald replied quickly, her scales turning a pea green, “I’d prefer a squirrel or something.”

She hurriedly rush into the forest, melting into the shadows.

“Something tells me she doesn’t like fish,” Zoltar wrinkled his snout in amusement.

aha, i have finally read the first chapter and i still love this series! wait, is this a book? well anyways, doesn’t matter. just a small question though, do you explain how the four meet? because i’m super curious. or maybe i’m just starting at the wrong part for this because i’m just confused here lol.

uhm otherwise, i see nothing wrong here grammatically! i’m not great with flow by the way, that’s why i don’t say anything about that. xD

i’m super invested in these four already and i absolutely love the way you’ve written them. i can’t wait to see where you go with them and how they grow!

keep writing these amazing works! ( ^ω^ )

~laynie<3

I'm so excited to already be starting the next book! And we're jumping right into where we left off.

I love the map btw. I always struggle with maps and end up down the Google rabbit hole regarding geology and cartography. Maps are super useful though to keep you on track so your world has a little more logic to it. And your series can definitely benefit from a map with all the travel Zoltar does!

The chapter did a fairly good job catching the reader up so that they can read more without feeling lost. I definitely noticed each dragon seems to have its own personality already, which helps with new readers or long breaks between reading the first book and this. I adore how playful Shiraku is, I love how gentle Emerald appears, how concerning and responsible Zoltar is as a pseudo-leader.

I'm very concerned about Felistia. She's clearly in a mood, and last we saw her, she was simply distant. We couldn't read her emotions much at all during her conversation with Zoltar. Now it's morning, and she's nothing but cranky. Which is a shame 'cause I liked Felistia in the first book, but this second one is introducing her as the exact opposite.

But she does need reason to either leave them or be a conflict later on. I have a feeling she'll be creating obstacles for them or... at least there must be some reason why she's behaving this way.

It's the only thing that really stood out to me. The Zoltar/Emerald scene was just so adorable, and Shiraku is such a cutie. I would totally eat fish with her except it's raw and i couldn't do that but she's adorable and I love her. That's a stark difference to last book, though, where Shiraku was usually the crank and grumbled quite a bit. Now it's Felistia!

Hopefully we get the answers we need to make sense of everyone's personalities and behaviors. I am really looking forward to reading more!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

I really love this chapter! I can’t wait to read more.

What is the context around these characters? I’m longing to know more about Emerald. She sounds particularly interesting to me.

Great plot so far; having them waking up in the morning.

There are some grammatical mistakes, but I won’t police you on them.

Great imagery, good characters, and I can’t wait to read more!