Young Writers Society

Beautiful and elegant . It took me a while to understand it, but after several reads I think I like the meaning as much as the rhythm/flow. It made my mind spin in circles exploring the possibilities of the subtext. The formatting was a bit strange but I guess it makes it all better (I like it the way it is).

I love how you linked the time traveler's life with the Universe and the sky. It aids the mood and makes his relationship with the other person somehow broader and "eternal" (can't find a better word to describe it).

A couple of nitpicks - in the beginning there is "In the gloaming" with capital "I" (may have been intentional, I mention it just in case); later, in "of the day's discarded" the apostrophe in "day's" may be unneeded.

In the end, when it comes to poetry, I rely on my gut feeling far more than on any logical analysis and I feel that the poem is gentle and elegant. I can't say exactly what's working, but it's working and as far as I'm concerned, that is what matters. Keep it up!

the font is so small o.o

This is great! I absolutely adore the entire feel of this poem. I think I would have to read it several more times before I felt I confidently understood it, but my guess that is more because no one really understands the poetry like the one who wrote it.

I can say I am a particular fan of the part "I swear we've happened before / I have seen those eyes." Something about that right there just really speaks to me, I love the use of the word happened in place of something like "met". It just makes it feel so unique.

There are a couple small things I noticed, like in the last stanza the word "sun's" I believe does not need an apostrophe. Another thing I think was a little off, in that same stanza you use a conjunction in the fourth line but not in the third. "So you will know tired eyes when you see them. / So you'll know where to find me when you wake once more." Perhaps it would do to take out the so in the second line, reformat it like this; "So you will know tired eyes when you see them, / You will know where to find me when you wake once more." And the same for "And we will share our stories again. / And we'll whisper our lives over." Perhaps instead "And we will share our stories again, we will whisper our lives over." The only other thing I can think of is I am confused why every line has a period at the end except for "I swear we've happened before". Perhaps not having those periods in there could lend itself to the flow of the poem. Of course these are just suggestions and if you love your poem then keep it as it is!!!

I'm a fan of how this feels like a love story, but only vaguely. As if it were the love that was meant to be if not for the changes of time that a time traveler would face. The imagery you used like in the similar stars the two have seen is amazing, you did rather well to capture an emotion in words.

If you would like, I would be inclined to type this out for you and email it to you so you can reformat in the publishing center. That way you could clean it up however you wanted. Either way, thank you for your work and keep on writing!