Young Writers Society

Lumiiiiiii <3

Oh wow... this might be one of my favorite Lumi-poems.
I've only got a couple of nitpicks.

1. the title things. They don't really fit into the theme of the stanzas that follow. As much as I love them, and as beautiful as they are, they don't fit. They don't add anything to it, if anything they detract because I kind of went 'wait what' and kept searching for connections to make.
2.

you were so calm; you were serene.

I wish I could review this piece for you, but after reading it.... Well, I think it's perfect just as it stands. The piece is simply breathtaking.

Keep writing like this.

~Timmy

Um great poem, it's really heartfelt. I kind of feel like it's one of those love and war stories and that the theme song would be born to die. Um, you should probably uppercase the first letters because at the beginning it's kind of confusing when you use i as the first part then jump to "i" as in yourself. Also, Jesus and God should be upper-cased because They are names. The formatting is good, I like how you repeat some of the lines and then make them like a fading whisper. The poem overall gives a feeling of nostalgia and a love lost. Really cool.

Wow, this is really cool, and deep and meaningful. I might need a bit of an elaboration, but I take it thay each numeral means its a different story?

What happened to make the person hate the other so much? I mean, they kissed, didn't they? They loved each other, right?

I don't quite understand this, and I believe that it needs a little bit of back-story, but I have found it thought-provoking, and emotional-filled. You are a very deep person, and you should be proud to write something so creative.

I appreciate that you placed your poetry here for all to see, because poetry is like a little window into a persons soul, and by putting it up here, you have allowed me to view it.

Thanks very much, and I hope you have a lovely day! ^_^

When it comes to the structures of poetry I'm not one that can give much advice so instead I'll tell who what I thought overall.
Usually long poems aren't really my thing but I enjoyed reading this. The use of repetition is a nice touch to put emphasis on key parts and emotions.
What I really felt from this piece is that it wasn't only a poem, it's a story and a good one at that.
Keep up the good work!!