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140,172 Literary Works • 673,034 Reviews
i have written songs on the breath of stars-- my favorite line. I don't know how you came up with this, but it's awesome.
just had to mention that...
This is awesome. Like amazing.
I now share with you a quote: "I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right." (from "The Book Thief" by Markus Zusak)
In this poem, you have made the words right. You've pieced them together in a beautiful, breathtaking a way, and with them, you have told a story and communicated a message about love. There's nothing better than that.
-rissy
This masterpiece is perfect! I love on how you put all your effort and brain cells to made this!
I love the metaphor.
"These tides are spirits"
It's fantastic! And on how you put more details on it. But what I love the most is the last part.
I could sense fear and a terrifying feeling. It doesn't want to grow up. It wanted to be stuck in time. It's scared of that terrifying moment where everything will fall down and everything will shatter. I really like it! I can relate to it, but mine already evolved. This is really amazing!
This poem is the definition of Amazing, Fantastic and overwhelming. It's filled with longing emotions!
Keep up the good work! Don't stop writing!
What a great poem! The lines themselves are complex and carry a lot of weight. I especially loved the format of the poem, it is new and interesting. The analogy of the ocean being spirits was mesmerizing. I didn't really see any mistake save for capitalization at the beginning of each line and capitalizing your "i"s but it appears that this may have just been the way that you wrote your poem? I also didn't entirely understand what you were trying to communicate with the last line: were they going to evolve physically, emotionally, spiritually or a combination? Was only one of them going to evolve? Great poem overall! I can't wait to read more of your works.
<3
Hey babe.
As always, I adore your poetry.
Okay, as far as imagery goes, I'd much rather have "I have written songs with the breath of stars" instead of "on the breath of stars". As nice as 'on the breath' is, 'with the breath' is a lot more present and just /more/. 'watch at night for the melody to find you' is clunky. It also changes tenses for like one sentence which is weird.
I don't really get the ghost imagery. It feels like two images that SHOULD work, but they don't. I feel like the images should be switched, "these waves are ghosts, wayward and longing, the tides unkind spirits tugging away at the earth".
Anyway, your <333333 poetry <33333333333. ilu