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139,567 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
hey.
i think you are talented at writing poems. i love this piece, i think its very romantic and the descriptive language is really good. "and think of how it could be my heart creased" could be and think of how it could be, my heart creased. just a suggestion. and i especially love the way you ended it. "that this is love despite fear" you could put a comma in there but you don't necessarily have to. its a really good poem.
i look forward to reading another of yours
Very nice poem!
I don't really understand this line; though I believe I know what you are attempting to say. Is it written confusedly like this on purpose? Read it over and let me know
Another awkward line. I think it should be "i keep these things secret and close to my heart," or at least with a comma where "and" is.
That's about it for the corrections! I'm not used to the complete abandonment of capitalization in poetry, though I know that it is a new technique used by many modern authors such as yourself. This is a very interesting topic you have here, and I love how you portrayed it. I especially enjoyed the line:
(Even though midwest should be [I think] "mid-west," or maybe Midwest. However, you are going with the whole non-capitalization thing.)
Stupendous job!